tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5148811199743801438.post2888658775312188760..comments2024-01-09T02:09:03.122-05:00Comments on Ashley Quite Frankly: Mom Life CrisisAshleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09830109486291771097noreply@blogger.comBlogger45125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5148811199743801438.post-84986058496998238792008-03-29T00:10:00.000-04:002008-03-29T00:10:00.000-04:00O.M.G~ Ok, first off I found your blog a couple o...O.M.G~ Ok, first off I found your blog a couple of days ago & I'm addicted!!! I've spent HOURS playing catch up on previous posts. Based on how many you post per day, it looks like I'll never be finished, lol. You are AWESOME!<BR/><BR/>Well, onto the topic. THANK YOU! THANK YOU! THANK yOU! After reading all your posts,I'd never commented. They're all great, but this one just touched my heart enourmously!<BR/><BR/>YOU are me!!! (except the opposite ( I have girls) and except for the investment properties, although I'd like it if we had that in common too) So ok, I might not be your long lost twin, but our stories are similar.<BR/><BR/>I'm 29, happily married, & momma of 2 great girls... always been planning to go for the 3rd, which of course in my "plan" is a boy. Hubby wanted 'him' right away after our 2nd daughter was born, but hey, I was only 20... too soon & too young for a 3rd child!!! (can u say sex maniac?) Plus I wanted to ENJOY my girls a bit more. I promised hubby when the baby turned 5 we'd try for the boy. All I asked for was time with my girls. Well, guess what? She's 7. NO.BOY.YET. <BR/>Why? As you know from experience, things don't always go as planned. Now mind you, I don't like to break promises, although that's what they're made for, to be broken, but this was a very big deal for hubby so when baby turned 5, I turned to look at him & basically said go for it. I promised you & if you really want 'him' then rock my world baby! BUT be aware that if you do, I'll get sick as a dog like with my previous pregnancies which will inevitably mean that I'll have to quit my decent paying job, and then YOU and ONLY YOU will have to work long and hard hours to feed 4 people, pay the rent, pay the car, pay private school for our 2 girls that I currently pay for with MY job, PLUS buy clothes for a 3rd child. And of course BESIDES the $$$ issue, you'll also have to help with housework, cooking, grocery shopping, kid's homework, etc. because remember, when I get pregnant I throw up EVERY.SINGLE.DAY. NAUSEA.EVERY.SINGLE.DAY. DIZZINESS.HEADACHES.VOMITING.BITCHINESS.EVERY.SINGLE.DAY.<BR/>Are you up for that??? And don't think once the pregnancy is over that I'll go bk to work because I have to stay home with the baby for at least 3 years like with the older 2. Are you willing to be the sole provider of a 5 person household for the next 4 years??????? <BR/>I think that scared him straight & he's very careful not to get me prego. But the worst thing is that just like him, I WANT a baby boy sooooooooo bad too!!! However, I'm sensible & realize that everything I told him is the truth. The moment's just not right. For all those reasons & more. (for example & just off the top of my head. I want to take my girls on that disney cruise to the Bahamas & they're at THE.PERFECT.AGE. That definitely can't be done if you have a baby, at least not when u want to have fun) And unfortunatley, I really don't see the timing being right anytime in the near future. Although I've tried to kid myself & say my deadline is 30. I tell myself I MUST go for it before then, but...<BR/> <BR/>I'm 28, getting to that oh so crucial point in my life (30! yikes) and I too am coming into that realization that the loved boy (named after his father & grandfather in my head for over 7 years) seems much farther away from me than what I imagined, being that he should actually already be around 3 yrs old according to out original plans, yet he's nowhere in sight. And to tell you the truth, I'm not completely sure he's in our future either. But I just can't imagine being DONE having kids, yet I can't afford more! I can't imagine not having my baby boy!!! I yearn for him so. With matching daddy/son outfits.... Yet a momma's boy. But only God really know if that will ever be.<BR/><BR/>So as you can see, I can totally relate to you oh so well... =( Just know, you're not alone. And I thank you for your post. You described EXACTLY how I feel. It's good to know that I'm not alone either. Not that I wish my same sufferings/problems unto others, but I think you understand what I'm trying to say. And that my friend, is why I posted today... (sorry it was one heck of a long comment)<BR/><BR/>Your new admirer,<BR/>SoleiAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5148811199743801438.post-46083533422576650012008-03-14T11:44:00.000-04:002008-03-14T11:44:00.000-04:00From the other side. I have two adorable little g...From the other side. I have two adorable little girls that are always ready to play dress up and are true girlie girls. Heck, the older one insists on wearing dresses everyday. But my heart aches for that little boy. See I am the oldest of 4 girls, and I have only one cousin that is a girl also. I know that my sanity could not handle another child, especially a rambuncious boy. I keep telling myself that when my oldest in kindergarden that I would consider another. But I am not making any plans. So I guess what I am trying to say is that some of us Mom's out here are also yerning for that E Bull one. By the way all my maternity clothes are sitting in a box upstairs and I lone them out. That way *if* I were ever to need them, I can get my hands on them.Laurenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05497270312188799187noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5148811199743801438.post-76166936464114155712008-03-03T14:42:00.000-05:002008-03-03T14:42:00.000-05:00Wow. I can't believe you're only 29. Please don't...Wow. I can't believe you're only 29. Please don't get riled up, anyone, I've never seen a photo of Ashley, so I am NOT saying that I thought you were older based on looks, No. I thought you were older because you're so freaking wise! Holy shit, you can hold it all together better than most 40 year olds I know. And I know that age doesn't account for everything, but seriously, you rock.KatieGirlBluehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02016320685724162946noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5148811199743801438.post-23766400942672464202008-03-03T12:58:00.000-05:002008-03-03T12:58:00.000-05:00Ashley,Your words hit so close to home, I am havin...Ashley,<BR/>Your words hit so close to home, I am having a physical reaction to it.<BR/><BR/>Your words will echo in my mind all day. Thanks!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5148811199743801438.post-47175341167610751792008-03-03T11:42:00.000-05:002008-03-03T11:42:00.000-05:00I can totally relate with you, Ashley.I still drea...I can totally relate with you, Ashley.<BR/><BR/>I still dream of my little Tabitha Jayne...<BR/><BR/>But alas, I have Angry Toddler, whom is perfect. I soo desired for a girl, but after I had a boy, I knew, I was meant to be a boy mom.Julie {Angry Julie Monday}https://www.blogger.com/profile/10482539881072896606noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5148811199743801438.post-22046402769729596792008-03-03T10:36:00.000-05:002008-03-03T10:36:00.000-05:00ooooh, now I know we are walking parellel paths on...ooooh, now I know we are walking parellel paths on the East coast--(I'm just a few, ok a lot of, states north of you)<BR/>Was feeling pretty much the same exact way on the same exact day as you. Thanks for putting it into words. Touching and very well-written. A+Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5148811199743801438.post-78139855663443567212008-03-03T10:01:00.000-05:002008-03-03T10:01:00.000-05:00Holy crap Ashley. I sent this to my husband...I wa...Holy crap Ashley. I sent this to my husband...I was on the fence too about having another one. (We have 2 boys). I kept trying to explain why I wanted that little girl. He would say, "But we have 2 great kids!" I always told him that he now has what he had growing up...and I don't. BUT. like you said, I am a mom for boys. Best friends from high school? Dudes. Best friend from college? I married him. But....I cried when I took down my little one's baby bed. And then I called a plastic surgeon. New boobs on Thursday. :)Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5148811199743801438.post-89849268655162966402008-03-02T23:50:00.000-05:002008-03-02T23:50:00.000-05:00What a heart touching post. I am a mom of 3, after...What a heart touching post. I am a mom of 3, after I had my second girl, I was really on the fence about a third one. In Nov of 2005 a year after my second was born, I decided to get an IUD out in. Well I had to wait to start my period to get it done. And that just never happened. I had my third child a little boy in 2006. I decided that was God's was of telling me that I needed my little boy and I was done. I had my tubes tied after G came along. I knew I was done. I think you will know when it feels right to truly be done. Just follow your heart. It will all work out in the end.Mom Of 3https://www.blogger.com/profile/07859353555007621361noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5148811199743801438.post-68670030142241715012008-03-02T19:52:00.000-05:002008-03-02T19:52:00.000-05:00I completely understand what you are saying. I ha...I completely understand what you are saying. I had one child and had to stop for health reasons. Every time I see a baby, it all comes rushing back. But I'm lucky enough to have had one son and I'm tremendously lucky enough to be raising my husbands two children as well. They may not be "mine" biologically, but I love them just the same.Mehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02908556268837838492noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5148811199743801438.post-82031646170780631262008-03-02T19:45:00.000-05:002008-03-02T19:45:00.000-05:00Ashley - I think we've all been there at some poin...Ashley - I think we've all been there at some point, but we arrive at different times and different ways. <BR/><BR/>Regarding having a gal-pal - I just lost my mother-in-law of 15 years to lung cancer (in October). I still wake up every day and miss her horribly, I touch her picture every morning and talk about her to my kids every day. She single handedly taught me how, by example, to be a mom. She is the mother of two wonderful sons, and no daughters. <BR/><BR/>I come from a dysfunctional family, and my mom is wack. I love her because she is my mom, but there is no tenderness there. She is toxic and I see her and let her be in the kids lives simply out of guilt/responsibility and because it makes her happy. <BR/><BR/>My MIL has been the most gracious, wonderful, kind, non-judgemental woman I have ever met. She raised a wonderful son, and I hope that I can be 1/1000th of the mother she was. But we have spent endless hours drinking tea and talking, antiquing, going to ridiculous art and crafts fairs, movies, discussing books. Talking of our pasts, our futures, our hopes and fears. I hope that in my time with her, I somehow filled the space in her heart that like you, was maybe reserved for a special little girl. Because I can tell you, she certainly filled the spot in mine that needed a mom to love me unconditionally. <BR/><BR/>Her greatest joy was her grandchildren, and most specifically, her grand-daughters. Each of her sons had boys, but each of her sons also gave her a grandaughter. <BR/><BR/>Chin up, Ashley. Maybe Bailey's spirit will come to you could never have planned. (((hugs))) to you, sister.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5148811199743801438.post-48735631412353525762008-03-02T18:40:00.000-05:002008-03-02T18:40:00.000-05:00Ashley, I love, love, love this post. And not tha...Ashley, I love, love, love this post. <BR/><BR/>And not that Ashley needs anyone to stick up for her, I just had to say something here...<BR/><BR/>Anonymous, I have two ivf babies, very hard work and it was an extreme emotional rollercoaster, etc..., so I've been there in your shoes, sort of. However, I never, in a million years, would have taken Ashley's entry the way you did. It was beautifully written and very touching. You really did miss the point. <BR/><BR/>I heart you, Ashley. {{{hugs}}}Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5148811199743801438.post-15298872817843635982008-03-02T18:25:00.000-05:002008-03-02T18:25:00.000-05:00Ashley - this was a lovely post.I, too, wanted chi...Ashley - this was a lovely post.<BR/><BR/>I, too, wanted children, but wasn't able to. I've discovered the joys of being an Auntie and it's the best gig on earth! <BR/><BR/>Mourning your lost dreams is essential. And when you're ready, I hope you'll find a niece or honourary-niece to shower all that love and girliness on.<BR/><BR/>As for the roller-coaster? It's the best! And the worst! But it's life and it's real and I, for one, wouldn't have it any other way. <BR/><BR/>And I've been riding the thing for forty-six years!<BR/><BR/>Thanks for sharing your thoughts with us. I'll keep reading!Barb McMahon and Alan Maillouxhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05395936716793077391noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5148811199743801438.post-55440248932646650902008-03-02T17:33:00.000-05:002008-03-02T17:33:00.000-05:00Ashley, I have never commented, but have to tell y...Ashley, I have never commented, but have to tell you that you are awesome. You crack me up everyday. I too have two boys, both of them E Bullish. There is no way I can dare go for a third E Bull, no matter how much I wish for a little Shirley Temple. It would kill me. Anyway, I know how you are feeling. You write wonderfully. Also, not that this will make you feel better or anything, but my friend named her daughter Bailey, and now all she hears is "Oh, I had/have a dog named Bailey". She wants to smack people. She named her from Bailey on the show Party of Five. <BR/>Keep up the good work Ashley!malissahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02784934831451257814noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5148811199743801438.post-71832822875519313182008-03-02T17:22:00.000-05:002008-03-02T17:22:00.000-05:00It's also hard to be sympathetic for people incapa...It's also hard to be sympathetic for people incapable of thinking outside of their own situation, even for a moment.<BR/><BR/>Anonymous, you should've been able to relate to this post then, since it's more about the death of a dream, and life not turning out "as planned" than it is the gender of the next child I won't have.<BR/><BR/>Wrong place, wrong time, wrong mindset.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08436571420215943287noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5148811199743801438.post-34814954280538669382008-03-02T16:36:00.000-05:002008-03-02T16:36:00.000-05:00I loved this post Ashley. It rang so true, all of...I loved this post Ashley. It rang so true, all of it. But especially as the mother of 3 boyz.<BR/><BR/>My girl was to have been Lydia.Sarahvizhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07257891014401157085noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5148811199743801438.post-47144107347835420002008-03-02T16:24:00.000-05:002008-03-02T16:24:00.000-05:00It's hard to be sympathetic when you're pining for...It's hard to be sympathetic when you're pining for girl, and I'm pining for a healthy baby. Most days I'm over it, but I still enjoy parenting blogs and stories, it helps me relate to my friends with kids. <BR/><BR/>I'd have given anything to have even 1 child, boy or girl. I won't ever have any children.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5148811199743801438.post-31856363011859812502008-03-02T14:34:00.000-05:002008-03-02T14:34:00.000-05:00As a mom of three boys, you expressed exactly what...As a mom of three boys, you expressed exactly what I feel on those "low" days. The thing I fear the most is being alone on holidays when the boys are with their wives families. When I get down about it I just determine all the more to be a great MIL. Here's to granddaughters!!<BR/><BR/>You are a beautiful writer!!<BR/><BR/>TrishaAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5148811199743801438.post-8673276181137463042008-03-02T13:11:00.000-05:002008-03-02T13:11:00.000-05:00Very well written and although I do have a boy and...Very well written and although I do have a boy and a girl, I feel you on the third child thing. I'm 35 though, so I definitely know a third isn't in the cards. I love my life too but sometimes still wonder what if? Thank you for putting into words, how I feel..I think as we get older we begin to realize that we really don't know what God has in stor for us...we just need to enjoy the ride while we can.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5148811199743801438.post-90985073553865905172008-03-02T10:35:00.000-05:002008-03-02T10:35:00.000-05:00I think, like you said, you are a great mother of ...I think, like you said, you are a great mother of boys, and if there are 3 boys, you'll love him just as much as the first 2...maybe he'll end up being a girl...and that would be great too. *hug* (I wish I was in town, I'd come over with some solo cups and a Heini)Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5148811199743801438.post-70830145225612120622008-03-02T09:57:00.000-05:002008-03-02T09:57:00.000-05:00Even if life changes, would you really wear those ...Even if life changes, would you really wear those same maternity clothes in five years??? Just a thought from a mom of three. I have two girls and now a little boy....Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5148811199743801438.post-91376423894930032612008-03-02T08:24:00.000-05:002008-03-02T08:24:00.000-05:00Please consider submitting this to Wondertime or P...Please consider submitting this to Wondertime or Parenting magazine. <BR/><BR/>The post was eloquent, well written and touching. Few writers can evoke that kind of emotion in their readers. Hell I'm going to write Wondertime and demand they hire you.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5148811199743801438.post-29425899842733275572008-03-02T07:55:00.000-05:002008-03-02T07:55:00.000-05:00I don't have kids yet, and I am older than you, bu...I don't have kids yet, and I am older than you, but I am stuggling with my Life Plan too. It seeems like no matter what fork I take--because I've recently branched to another one after I hit a dead-end in the career track--that I'm hit with obstacle after obstacle. Why does everything have to be so hard? Why can't ONE thing be easy? Anyway, all this to say, it was good to read this and see that other people sometimes feel like life is completely out of their control too.<BR/>You are an amazing writer. Thanks for sharing.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5148811199743801438.post-81121756475238396492008-03-02T06:40:00.000-05:002008-03-02T06:40:00.000-05:00From a mom with 2 girls & no hopes for a third boy...From a mom with 2 girls & no hopes for a third boy.<BR/>Think how it is to have a girl with no interst in girl things? TheToddler screams when she has a dress on with pretty shoes.<BR/>TheTeenager? well, she plays soccer. All the time. She has a soccer ball with her always. She wears big "hoodie" sweatshirts & slides..<BR/>Just a word from the otherside. The grass is just as green. There are no ballet or tap shoes here. No pretty pigtails with bows. =)TheKeepersMomhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08441130766952965426noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5148811199743801438.post-17613892619956712862008-03-02T01:01:00.000-05:002008-03-02T01:01:00.000-05:00Oops - I sent that before I intended to. I wanted ...Oops - I sent that before I intended to. I wanted to add that I think we all know how tough it can be to realize that the Grand Plan doesn't line up with the Big Life Plan we crafted for ourselves. I'm sorry you're experiencing one of those "valley" days. I think there are lots of great things in store for you in the next 5 years. :) And your boys are so lucky to have each other. <BR/><BR/>-The ReneeReneehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04499654224747325024noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5148811199743801438.post-66620155849172761822008-03-02T00:59:00.000-05:002008-03-02T00:59:00.000-05:00Oh Lori, now you've really got me a mess. Yes he w...Oh Lori, now you've really got me a mess. <BR/><BR/>Yes he was yours and he was here for a Reason, for sure. God, that's just devastation. You are a stronger woman than I. <BR/><BR/>Thank you for your comment and for sharing with me, I am truly touched by it.<BR/><BR/>Thanks for everyone and your kind words, they seriously mean a lot to me on this one.<BR/><BR/>I know all in all, I have a great life. Even if it's not the one I Planned. ;-)<BR/><BR/>and I'm blessed to have you all and to be able to get this all out this way sometimes.<BR/><BR/>So thanks for being supportive of my un-funny stuff too.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08436571420215943287noreply@blogger.com