On Again Off Again

little kid and I are no longer friends.

I mentioned to him that he's said this before, but he swears he means it this time.

You see, I'm ruining his "dzert" by not allowing him to open and sample random cans from the pantry. I told him he could choose some canned fruit to have with his lunch and he told me that I ruined his nice day and marched off to his room.

It's so sad to be him. So very sad.

He just came back in here to reaffirm that I have ruined his nice day and to confirm that we're no longer friends, and I assured him that I heard him the first time and thought the whole situation was unfortunate for everyone.

He was doing well behavior-wise for a couple of days. Between the promise of a Jeep ride and being allowed to wear his Batman muscles before bed each day, he really tried hard to stay on track and avoid getting strikes. That's all starting to fade though. He's losing more and more and caring less and less.

Interestingly, he has met his match at the little preschool class he goes to. He goes to the park for one hour a week to learn "math". The first week he came home and told me that his friend hit him. He was confused and offended, so I pointed out how much it sucks to be bullied (hoping he'd make the connection).

The second week he came home and told me that his friend ruined his rocket ship. He said he built a rocket out of blocks and his mean friend came and knocked it over. I pointed out this kid didn't seem like a nice friend and how much it sucks to have your stuff destroyed by others (hoping he'd make the connection).

The third week he came home and told me his "emeny" had called him a "teat and a wiar". "A cheat and a liar?" I asked, "Really?" Yep, he answered. I asked if he was cheating or lying at the time, and how it made him feel when the boy said that. Then I pointed out how much it sucks to have someone call you names (hoping he'd make the connection).

This week as we pulled into the parking lot, there was a police car out front. "Is dat a cop? Why's da cops here? You see da cop car? What's he doin' here? What's dat cop doin'?"

(We do not refer to the police as cops in our family, but we do watch Cops and I recently got mirrored aviator sunglasses and a new repertoire of "I'm a bad cop" type jokes. So, it is our fault, but accidentally.) After 32 "I don't know"s I finally answered that maybe he's there to take all of the naughty babies to jail. I waited for his reaction.

"Den my mean fwiend is really gonna be in twouble! I'd say he's goin' to jail!" he said happily, clearly not making the connection.

As I've typed this, he's come back out and reclaimed half of my couch cushion. "I thought we weren't friends?" I reminded him.

"I'm tired of not bein' your fwiend," he answered.

"I know the feeling. You need to be a nicer friend to me sometimes. You remind me of that mean boy from your class."

"Hey, hot lips!" he says angrily, since he has picked up 'hot lips' as an insult somehow (and I have no idea where he got that from, that one is not my fault, I swear), "You're da one who wuined my dzert! Sometimes you'z a bad fwiend too, woman!"

Friendship come and gone twice in this post alone. It's a frustrating way to spend the day.