Interrupted from Pantry Cleaning

Big Kid: I didn't play wif a knife.

Ashley: Oh no? What knife?

Big Kid: No knife. I didn't touch a knife.

Ashley: Where?

Big Kid: Nowhere.

Ashley: Okay. I just hope you're not telling a fib because Santa is keeping a big long checklist, and if you get too many checks, you don't get any presents at Christmas. That would be awfully sad, if we woke up on Christmas morning and little kid had piles of presents, because he doesn't lie, and you didn't have one gift. I just want to make sure that isn't going to happen.

Big Kid: Oh. Um. (shifty eyed, frowning) Well, I didn't cut anyfing wif a knife.

Ashley: But did you play with one?

Big Kid: No, I tode you dat already.

Ashley: Yeah. You did.

Big Kid: So dere. Dat's what I tode you. Hmmmph. (snotty little look)

Ashley: Go to your room. Time-out.

Big Kid: AAAAAAHHHHH. NO. NOOOOOO. NO. I'm sowwy. I won't be nasty anymore. I'm sowwy for bein' sassy. Noooooo. Noooooo, mudder, noooooo.

Ashley: Get in there, or I'm taking away an hour of tv privileges.

Big Kid: No. Not my pwivwidges, not today. WAAAAAAAAH.

(later in time out)

Ashley: So did you see a knife somewhere? Even if you didn't play with it, did you see one? Because I would need to know because little kid could hurt himself badly.

Big Kid: No. I didn't pwetend it was a sword either.

Ashley: You didn't?

Big Kid: Nope. I didn't use da knife for a sword 'cuz dat would be bad. Dat could make you lose your pwivwidges.

Ashley: So could telling fibs.

Big Kid: What fib?

Ashley: Where is it?

Big Kid: What?

Ashley: The knife. The one you didn't use for a sword.

Big Kid: Um, it's not on da ceilin'. It's not on da floor. It's not outside, no it is not outside. It's not here, not dere, not anywhere. I don't know, I don't fink dere eben is a knife.

I really can't imagine the whole no knife policy declaration was just out of nowhere. He is a really ridiculous liar and he always starts getting smart alecky when he thinks he's got you. WRONG.

I can't prove it, but I'm 99% sure that there is more than one good reason for his butt to be in time-out right now, and the fact that he's in there screaming "Let me back out! What a bad gull you are, you bad, bad, gull. You open dis door." doesn't help his case one bit.

It's pretty much guilty until proven innocent around here and you better walk the line during the investigation, thank you very much.

Guess who is losing tv pwivwidges?