I'm reading a Prayer for Owen Meany and it is well-written and enjoyable, but it is long and I'm just not feeling it. It's too easy to put down and I don't know if the library will tolerate how long it may take me to finish it at the rate I'm going.
So does it get better? Not that it's not good, but does it get more captivating or interesting at any point or have some beautiful or stunning ending?
I'm around the time of the Christmas pageant now.
Please advise.
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
Guess Who?
Yesterday the doorbell rang and when I opened the door, I was surprised to see the neighbor (the realtor across the street who is also Big Kid's teacher's husband who wanted in to see my house without an appointment at 8am and then missed the appointment he did set weeks ago).
Hi, it's me! He said, gesturing to his house behind him and waving goofily when he saw me glaring at him.
Yes? I asked without opening the glass storm door between us.
Is the house ready for me to see yet?
I was truly in shock that he was repeating our prior encounter. I stared at him, wide-eyed. He shrugged and smiled.
Nooooooo, you need an appointment. With the listing agent. With 24 hours notice. Like last time.
The listing agent has been calling me and asking if I've seen it.
Call him back and tell him you need an appointment with 24 hours notice.
Eh, I understand, I really do. If I could just--
Goodbye, I said as I closed the door.
(and then I thought of 9 trillion things I should have said because that's how it always goes!)
The owner had the realtor call that guy and tell him to never, ever come near the house or yard again without an appointment and 24 hours notice, so it's safe to say that things are a little awkward with Big Kid's teacher's family now (luckily Big Kid has 2 teachers and I usually deal with the other one, but still.)
It looks like we might be getting the perfect house in the perfect neighborhood with the perfect kitchen. The perfect kitchen has a pot-filling faucet over the gourmet stove--do you know how convenient it will be not to carry the pot of water for my Kraft Mac and Cheese across the kitchen? And this is the neighborhood that everyone drives through to see the spectacle of Christmas lights and they have block parties at Halloween and Easter Egg hunts and a community pool and park.
I'm not getting my hopes up until the lease is signed (although it may sound like my hopes are a *little* bit up) but if it all works out I can be done with house-showing hell as soon as March 1st, and that's probably in everyone's best interest.
P.S. Mr. Realtor Neighbor keeps leaving his bike at the end of his driveway and I resist the overwhelming temptation to run it over every time I pass. He's lucky I'm kind of a good person.
Hi, it's me! He said, gesturing to his house behind him and waving goofily when he saw me glaring at him.
Yes? I asked without opening the glass storm door between us.
Is the house ready for me to see yet?
I was truly in shock that he was repeating our prior encounter. I stared at him, wide-eyed. He shrugged and smiled.
Nooooooo, you need an appointment. With the listing agent. With 24 hours notice. Like last time.
The listing agent has been calling me and asking if I've seen it.
Call him back and tell him you need an appointment with 24 hours notice.
Eh, I understand, I really do. If I could just--
Goodbye, I said as I closed the door.
(and then I thought of 9 trillion things I should have said because that's how it always goes!)
The owner had the realtor call that guy and tell him to never, ever come near the house or yard again without an appointment and 24 hours notice, so it's safe to say that things are a little awkward with Big Kid's teacher's family now (luckily Big Kid has 2 teachers and I usually deal with the other one, but still.)
It looks like we might be getting the perfect house in the perfect neighborhood with the perfect kitchen. The perfect kitchen has a pot-filling faucet over the gourmet stove--do you know how convenient it will be not to carry the pot of water for my Kraft Mac and Cheese across the kitchen? And this is the neighborhood that everyone drives through to see the spectacle of Christmas lights and they have block parties at Halloween and Easter Egg hunts and a community pool and park.
I'm not getting my hopes up until the lease is signed (although it may sound like my hopes are a *little* bit up) but if it all works out I can be done with house-showing hell as soon as March 1st, and that's probably in everyone's best interest.
P.S. Mr. Realtor Neighbor keeps leaving his bike at the end of his driveway and I resist the overwhelming temptation to run it over every time I pass. He's lucky I'm kind of a good person.
Saturday, February 6, 2010
Change History
I was just watching a Tom and Jerry video with little kid and right before it started, Whoopi Goldberg came on explaining that some of the cartoons featured the black Mammy character, the only human ever featured in the Tom and Jerry cartoons, and that there had been requests to delete scenes involving her or stop showing those cartoons because the depiction is racist.
So wait--our apology to those who were treated poorly in the past is going to include pretending they didn't exist? Am I seeing this wrong or is that a bizarre solution? Especially when it comes to the southern black housekeeper on Tom and Jerry. Whether we like it now or not, there were black women like this--strong, hardworking women who were raising other people's kids and caring for their homes who happened to speak with a southern dialect due to their geographical location. Do we really think they would rather we just pretend they never existed since they weren't treated well or paid fair wages?
And let's face it, Tom and Jerry smoke, drink, play with fire, shoot guns, flirt with skanky female cats and mice, destroy things and seem to exist only to emotionally and physically torture each other...and people have a problem with the black housekeeper who occasionally shoos them out of the house or feeds the cat??
Wow.
They didn't delete those scenes since the cartoons wouldn't work without them and since the housekeeper was an important character, but the fact that they even needed to try to explain to kids that her inclusion could be considered racist (when there is PLENTY of real valid racism even these days, unfortunately), seemed unnecessary and absurd.
So wait--our apology to those who were treated poorly in the past is going to include pretending they didn't exist? Am I seeing this wrong or is that a bizarre solution? Especially when it comes to the southern black housekeeper on Tom and Jerry. Whether we like it now or not, there were black women like this--strong, hardworking women who were raising other people's kids and caring for their homes who happened to speak with a southern dialect due to their geographical location. Do we really think they would rather we just pretend they never existed since they weren't treated well or paid fair wages?
And let's face it, Tom and Jerry smoke, drink, play with fire, shoot guns, flirt with skanky female cats and mice, destroy things and seem to exist only to emotionally and physically torture each other...and people have a problem with the black housekeeper who occasionally shoos them out of the house or feeds the cat??
Wow.
They didn't delete those scenes since the cartoons wouldn't work without them and since the housekeeper was an important character, but the fact that they even needed to try to explain to kids that her inclusion could be considered racist (when there is PLENTY of real valid racism even these days, unfortunately), seemed unnecessary and absurd.
Friday, February 5, 2010
The Dream
The other night I was having this really intense, interesting dream where I was searching for something. I mostly remember looking across a field of broken, glittery piles of pieces. Sort of like when the seashells all collect in places at the beach but it was small, broken bits of different colorful items. I felt confused about what I was looking for and hopeless about finding it in that field of stuff, but I kept using my foot and sometimes my hands to brush the top layer away, hoping I'd find whatever it was. I knew it seemed unlikely that I'd find anything in such a random way but I knew it was important that I look.
Then I noticed a flash of green and something pink and I bent down and found a green glass police badge and was reaching for the pink thing when I started to hear a sound over and over again. At first I was excited about the stuff I found, sure that the green glass police badge was a part of whatever I needed but it was hard to ignore the noise I kept hearing. It was like a periodic humming or something, a MMMM MMMM MMMMM MMMMM MMMMM MMMMM. Was it words? I remember thinking that I should keep studying what I had found and that I shouldn't try to listen to the noises or I'd forget what I was doing.
MUMUM. MUMUM. MUMUM. MUMUM. MUMUM. MUMUM. MUMUM. MUMUM. I slowly started realizing what I was hearing.
WILL YOU WIPE MY BUTT?
And that was the end of the dream. I was done searching for treasure and solving mysteries and back to wiping butts.
Then I noticed a flash of green and something pink and I bent down and found a green glass police badge and was reaching for the pink thing when I started to hear a sound over and over again. At first I was excited about the stuff I found, sure that the green glass police badge was a part of whatever I needed but it was hard to ignore the noise I kept hearing. It was like a periodic humming or something, a MMMM MMMM MMMMM MMMMM MMMMM MMMMM. Was it words? I remember thinking that I should keep studying what I had found and that I shouldn't try to listen to the noises or I'd forget what I was doing.
MUMUM. MUMUM. MUMUM. MUMUM. MUMUM. MUMUM. MUMUM. MUMUM. I slowly started realizing what I was hearing.
WILL YOU WIPE MY BUTT?
And that was the end of the dream. I was done searching for treasure and solving mysteries and back to wiping butts.
Family Guy Fave
I have seen this Family Guy episode at least three times and this scene makes me laugh until it hurts every time:
Just finding it for you led to a few giggling fits.
edited: Okay, non-Americans try this:
Just finding it for you led to a few giggling fits.
edited: Okay, non-Americans try this:
Scrabbled
Almost a week of silence in the closet! Oh how I owe you all an apology this time! I have plenty of good excuses thanks to a series of unfortunate and unrelated events culminating in a complete technology apocalypse for me. My Blackberry died and then I could only get online on Big Kid's laptop which is virus-infected, missing the "L" key cap, and the screen is dying so it's super dim and gives me a headache.
I went almost 10 days with no Blackberry and was almost completely unconnected. At first it was awful, then it was inconvenient, and then...it was fine. I could check my email at home (between pop-up malware, squinting at the screen) and since being online was so inconvenient, I just did my work and then got off. I checked my voicemail periodically throughout the day when I had time to deal with it. I was well on my way to being cured of all internet addiction.
But then my work replaced my Blackberry Pearl with a Blackberry Bold on Wednesday...and it has Scrabble on it. I love you all, but not more than Scrabble.
So I'm back, more or less, between Scrabble games.
You didn't miss much. Here's a recap:
1. More people wandering through backyard all weekend because the realtor told them that was fine
2. More yelling at Realtor, refusal of any future dealings with Realtor
3. Three freaking house showings
4. Looking at every house in town, finding no houses, brief hysteria
5. Found perfect house in perfect neighborhood with most amazing kitchen ever, fingers crossed.
6. little kid is convinced my absolutely amazing, sweet, kind, fun and awesome supervisor (not ass kissing there either, you all would love her) viciously scratches and bites me, despite me telecommuting and her being on maternity leave for the last two months.
7. little kid can write the letters "H" and "O" and although I taught him "Oh", he now writes "Ho" all over everything.
8. little kid is obsessed with poison dart frogs and claims to have gotten a job that pays him in pets instead of money.
That's all that I can remember right now. It wasn't an awesome or funny week, you're probably lucky you didn't have to deal with me. I also got some really bizarre spam this week--I seem to attract emo-related spam lately? Geez, am I that miserable? I swear I'm not! Maybe I'll save them and do a spam entry soon.
Anyway, I'm back.
I went almost 10 days with no Blackberry and was almost completely unconnected. At first it was awful, then it was inconvenient, and then...it was fine. I could check my email at home (between pop-up malware, squinting at the screen) and since being online was so inconvenient, I just did my work and then got off. I checked my voicemail periodically throughout the day when I had time to deal with it. I was well on my way to being cured of all internet addiction.
But then my work replaced my Blackberry Pearl with a Blackberry Bold on Wednesday...and it has Scrabble on it. I love you all, but not more than Scrabble.
So I'm back, more or less, between Scrabble games.
You didn't miss much. Here's a recap:
1. More people wandering through backyard all weekend because the realtor told them that was fine
2. More yelling at Realtor, refusal of any future dealings with Realtor
3. Three freaking house showings
4. Looking at every house in town, finding no houses, brief hysteria
5. Found perfect house in perfect neighborhood with most amazing kitchen ever, fingers crossed.
6. little kid is convinced my absolutely amazing, sweet, kind, fun and awesome supervisor (not ass kissing there either, you all would love her) viciously scratches and bites me, despite me telecommuting and her being on maternity leave for the last two months.
7. little kid can write the letters "H" and "O" and although I taught him "Oh", he now writes "Ho" all over everything.
8. little kid is obsessed with poison dart frogs and claims to have gotten a job that pays him in pets instead of money.
That's all that I can remember right now. It wasn't an awesome or funny week, you're probably lucky you didn't have to deal with me. I also got some really bizarre spam this week--I seem to attract emo-related spam lately? Geez, am I that miserable? I swear I'm not! Maybe I'll save them and do a spam entry soon.
Anyway, I'm back.
Saturday, January 30, 2010
Shower
Mr. Ashley is at work today and has been working lots of Saturdays lately which sucks for everyone. Having been up since 7 am, around 9 am I decided I would be daring and attempt the forbidden, luxury maneuver of a quick shower by myself.
I knew it was risky and was trying to think of the safest way to steal a few minutes when I caught little kid throwing rocks at the cat. I told him to stop and he threw one last rock in her general direction, so I put him in his time out spot for 3 minutes, locked all exterior doors, told Big Kid to tell me if little kid left time out (he was drawing at a desk nearby) and attempted the world's fastest shower (which started with cold water).
It was great, enjoying the full stream of shower water all by myself for a minute. Big Kid popped his head in and said, "He's bein' good, can I let him out and we'll play on the white board together?" And I got greedy and thought I could possibly shave quickly (without someone staring at me and wanting to help) if they were playing nicely together. "Yes, that would be nice but make sure he stays with you. Leave the bathroom door open, I'll be out in one minute."
Two seconds later little kid came stomping in. "You takin' a shower? No you not. I takin' a shower," and started to strip.
"No! You took a shower this morning with daddy before he left for work, please just let me do this alone. Get some super heroes and play here on the bathroom floor or go play with your brother."
"Oh no. Oh no! We shower togever, mumum! We share water! YOU WATER WASTER!! I'm gettin' in, I am, I'm takin' a shower." He stood there naked and defiant.
"No you are not. You can have another time out or go play, no shower. I'm getting out as soon as the soap rinses away, like right now."
"I YOUR BOSS! IF I SAY WE SHOWERIN', WE SHOWERIN!"
Big Kid came in, looking apologetic, "I guess he wasn't ready to come out of time out. Want me to take him back? Come on, little kid."
"No, I'm getting out right now, thank you for trying to help me."
As I stepped out of the shower and grabbed for my towel, Big Kid gagged and covered his eyes with his hands. "Ugh gross, mom, you're naked."
"...I'm in the shower."
"From now on, you should bring your towel into the shower. In case we're out here, you know? Seein' you naked is gross."
"Yeah, gurls are gross," little kid agreed before starting to make fake puking sounds.
SEE WHY I WANTED TO TAKE A SHOWER BY MYSELF? Insulted, harrassed and I never even got to shave.
I knew it was risky and was trying to think of the safest way to steal a few minutes when I caught little kid throwing rocks at the cat. I told him to stop and he threw one last rock in her general direction, so I put him in his time out spot for 3 minutes, locked all exterior doors, told Big Kid to tell me if little kid left time out (he was drawing at a desk nearby) and attempted the world's fastest shower (which started with cold water).
It was great, enjoying the full stream of shower water all by myself for a minute. Big Kid popped his head in and said, "He's bein' good, can I let him out and we'll play on the white board together?" And I got greedy and thought I could possibly shave quickly (without someone staring at me and wanting to help) if they were playing nicely together. "Yes, that would be nice but make sure he stays with you. Leave the bathroom door open, I'll be out in one minute."
Two seconds later little kid came stomping in. "You takin' a shower? No you not. I takin' a shower," and started to strip.
"No! You took a shower this morning with daddy before he left for work, please just let me do this alone. Get some super heroes and play here on the bathroom floor or go play with your brother."
"Oh no. Oh no! We shower togever, mumum! We share water! YOU WATER WASTER!! I'm gettin' in, I am, I'm takin' a shower." He stood there naked and defiant.
"No you are not. You can have another time out or go play, no shower. I'm getting out as soon as the soap rinses away, like right now."
"I YOUR BOSS! IF I SAY WE SHOWERIN', WE SHOWERIN!"
Big Kid came in, looking apologetic, "I guess he wasn't ready to come out of time out. Want me to take him back? Come on, little kid."
"No, I'm getting out right now, thank you for trying to help me."
As I stepped out of the shower and grabbed for my towel, Big Kid gagged and covered his eyes with his hands. "Ugh gross, mom, you're naked."
"...I'm in the shower."
"From now on, you should bring your towel into the shower. In case we're out here, you know? Seein' you naked is gross."
"Yeah, gurls are gross," little kid agreed before starting to make fake puking sounds.
SEE WHY I WANTED TO TAKE A SHOWER BY MYSELF? Insulted, harrassed and I never even got to shave.
Friday, January 29, 2010
Docu-dramaz
So today I checked the blog email, which I rarely check since I already deal with an insane amount of email for my job and most of the blog email can wait since it is often one big can 'o spam. But this time, in the junk folder amid claims from Bob Frank and Ahmata Ahmoud that they could MAKE ME RICH or that I had won $18O,OOO,OOO,OOO.oo in a lotto, was an email from a casting agent asking my family to apply for an upcoming family-related "docuseries".
Curious, I did a little Google Fu and it looks legit. It also says something about putting the FUN in dysFUNctional so word is clearly getting around about my domestic failures. The whole thing was funny and intriguing so I called Mr. Ashley on the way to school and told him. I was laughing in a ha ha what-have-I-got-us-into sort of way and he was not laughing. Mr. Ashley thinks we should apply. I pointed out how ludicrous this was, how we did not want the whole world to see our laundry couch and that we were probably not as funny in real life, that not even one funny thing happens per day to provide blogging material sometimes. Also, his ass isn't home most of the day and he's universally loved by everyone who meets him. That he'll be the one who runs off with a hot college girl while I'll be on the cover of US Weekly in St. Croix with my buff bodyguard, still having to deal with the kids between appointments for hair extensions and time with my personal trainer. It makes me tired just thinking about it.
They told me that I could also pass the info along to you all, so here's their website. You all should apply so that by the time Mr. Ashley talks me into it, they'll have found everyone they need already.
And please don't tell Big Kid. You KNOW Big Kid would be all about having a reality show.
Curious, I did a little Google Fu and it looks legit. It also says something about putting the FUN in dysFUNctional so word is clearly getting around about my domestic failures. The whole thing was funny and intriguing so I called Mr. Ashley on the way to school and told him. I was laughing in a ha ha what-have-I-got-us-into sort of way and he was not laughing. Mr. Ashley thinks we should apply. I pointed out how ludicrous this was, how we did not want the whole world to see our laundry couch and that we were probably not as funny in real life, that not even one funny thing happens per day to provide blogging material sometimes. Also, his ass isn't home most of the day and he's universally loved by everyone who meets him. That he'll be the one who runs off with a hot college girl while I'll be on the cover of US Weekly in St. Croix with my buff bodyguard, still having to deal with the kids between appointments for hair extensions and time with my personal trainer. It makes me tired just thinking about it.
They told me that I could also pass the info along to you all, so here's their website. You all should apply so that by the time Mr. Ashley talks me into it, they'll have found everyone they need already.
And please don't tell Big Kid. You KNOW Big Kid would be all about having a reality show.
Thursday, January 28, 2010
Presenting...
In an amazing burst of productivity, I finished all of my work hours for the week already and have even got things in place for next week's tasks. The house is a mess, but my work's all done and I'll have time for the beach tomorrow and can look forward to a smooth start on Monday.
So to be nice (and instead of starting on house cleaning), I decided to get us all caught up on internets. I hope this helps you enjoy your work (or non-work) day like I will be enjoying tomorrow. So here's some stuff (nothing depressing, I promise!):
How to use a semi-colon (helpful!)
Sea horse (Photo)
Banksy movie at Sundance (article)
Laptop sleeve that looks like a book! (It's a...laptop sleeve that looks like a book)
Free Einstein Bros bagel (coupon)
Fun online 20 questions (game)
Rare photos of famous people (DO NOT skip this one!! Good stuff in there!)
Amazing scuplture (photo)
Hug a baby (150% cuteness)
Squishy Manatee (manatees are adorable animals that don't get enough credit or attention for their cuteness.)
Anteater in a sweater (photo)
and another anteater (because they are funny!)
Okay, that's all for now. Have fun!
So to be nice (and instead of starting on house cleaning), I decided to get us all caught up on internets. I hope this helps you enjoy your work (or non-work) day like I will be enjoying tomorrow. So here's some stuff (nothing depressing, I promise!):
How to use a semi-colon (helpful!)
Sea horse (Photo)
Banksy movie at Sundance (article)
Laptop sleeve that looks like a book! (It's a...laptop sleeve that looks like a book)
Free Einstein Bros bagel (coupon)
Fun online 20 questions (game)
Rare photos of famous people (DO NOT skip this one!! Good stuff in there!)
Amazing scuplture (photo)
Hug a baby (150% cuteness)
Squishy Manatee (manatees are adorable animals that don't get enough credit or attention for their cuteness.)
Anteater in a sweater (photo)
and another anteater (because they are funny!)
Okay, that's all for now. Have fun!
Get Away
A Facebook friend of mine posted that he had a friend who was looking for someone who was good with a camera that could go to Haiti for a week or two soon (probably for a documentary since he's in the film industry) and I caught myself thinking, "Wow, that would be a dream come true."
Then I realized that if you automatically think leaving home to go to the scariest and most dangerous place in the whole wide world right now would be a dream come true you A.) probably desperately need a vacation B.) have seriously lowered your standards when it comes to the idea of a "dream come true." Damn. I'm laughing about it now but it was a startling realization.
I think it also came up because I have been feeling a little hopeless about the world lately. I halfway did it to myself, subjecting myself to too much Haiti news and reading "What is the What" by Dave Eggers about the Lost Boys in Sudan and then watching an 8 part documentary about the cannibalism, war, human waste and child soldiers in Liberia all in the course of a week or so. So yeah, that was probably a little much for my bleeding heart and I keep going back and forth between "what can I do?" and "Look at that mess, there is nothing I can do."
Sometimes I think we were all better off before the days of global communication because life would be much easier if I could focus on the small community around me, without the distractions of the rest of the world's problems. Yeah, it's a selfish viewpoint I guess but as individuals we could probably manage to take care of most of those within the "monkey sphere" of our community if it was a more manageable number of people we felt responsible for or aware of. It feels so overwhelming that so much of the world is hurting so badly right now.
And let's not even get me started on American politics. I vote to draw a line down the middle of the country, everyone choose their side, new governments made up of normal people with no political backgrounds and let's just see what happens. I think the producers of Survivor could do a better job finding candidates to run our country at this point. Many current politicans are crazy, most of them are pussies, too many of them are corrupt; it's a 3 ring circus of wrongness.
Anyhoo, this wasn't supposed to turn into a heavy rant. And don't worry, I'll stop calculating how many black orphans would fit in my playroom and consider more practical ways to help.
(But a Brangelina-like tribe of orphans would make for an endless supply of blogging material...)
Then I realized that if you automatically think leaving home to go to the scariest and most dangerous place in the whole wide world right now would be a dream come true you A.) probably desperately need a vacation B.) have seriously lowered your standards when it comes to the idea of a "dream come true." Damn. I'm laughing about it now but it was a startling realization.
I think it also came up because I have been feeling a little hopeless about the world lately. I halfway did it to myself, subjecting myself to too much Haiti news and reading "What is the What" by Dave Eggers about the Lost Boys in Sudan and then watching an 8 part documentary about the cannibalism, war, human waste and child soldiers in Liberia all in the course of a week or so. So yeah, that was probably a little much for my bleeding heart and I keep going back and forth between "what can I do?" and "Look at that mess, there is nothing I can do."
Sometimes I think we were all better off before the days of global communication because life would be much easier if I could focus on the small community around me, without the distractions of the rest of the world's problems. Yeah, it's a selfish viewpoint I guess but as individuals we could probably manage to take care of most of those within the "monkey sphere" of our community if it was a more manageable number of people we felt responsible for or aware of. It feels so overwhelming that so much of the world is hurting so badly right now.
And let's not even get me started on American politics. I vote to draw a line down the middle of the country, everyone choose their side, new governments made up of normal people with no political backgrounds and let's just see what happens. I think the producers of Survivor could do a better job finding candidates to run our country at this point. Many current politicans are crazy, most of them are pussies, too many of them are corrupt; it's a 3 ring circus of wrongness.
Anyhoo, this wasn't supposed to turn into a heavy rant. And don't worry, I'll stop calculating how many black orphans would fit in my playroom and consider more practical ways to help.
(But a Brangelina-like tribe of orphans would make for an endless supply of blogging material...)
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