Is it wrong to drink wine out of a coffee mug at 2pm?
I could wash out a wine glass, but it's Sunday and it just doesn't seem like I should have to.
Why does it always feel so depraved to drink wine out of anything other than a wine glass? I originally reached for a mason jar, but that's just plain white trash. A coffee mug is a little classier-- but it still feels questionable.
Sunday, July 12, 2009
Saturday, July 11, 2009
Please Advise
Have you read Slaughterhouse Five?
Owned a Guinea Pig?
Bought Kota the Triceratops?
Please share your experiences with any of the above, as they are all things I've been thinking about lately. Big Kid has been talking hamster/Guinea Pig talk big time and his birthday is coming up. We are definitely NOT in need of a rodent, but he would love it so much. I've had hamsters and could live without doing that again. (I just ran the idea by Mr. Ashley and he suggested packaging our cat Pearl into a tank with a wheel and a ball and saying she was the biggest hamster we could find and is all his now. Big Kid would be so pissed. Pearl would be too.)
Kota the dinosaur is on sale at Toys R Us and would probably make an ideal birthday gift for little kid. He LOVES dinosaurs and I kind of feel like one large gift would be better than lots of cheaper ones. I'm tired of stuff. But do I need a life-size baby dinosaur in the house? It does look pretty cool.
I don't know if Slaughterhouse Five would be my sort of book or not, but I keep coming across it. I've read Kurt Vonnegut before, but I don't remember what (which could be a bad thing). Sci-fi is not my thing, but I'm cool with time travel (to an extent). I'm reading Outlander now, as recommended by closet readers--it's good, more romance than I'm used to but I like it. I told Mr. Ashley if I ever travel back in time, cheating isn't cheating and same goes for him. Because technically, we wouldn't be married YET. Just wanted to get that cleared up, just in case.
Okay, please relay your book-reading/Guinea-pig-having/Triceratops-buying/time travel experiences and help me avoid future mistakes.
Owned a Guinea Pig?
Bought Kota the Triceratops?
Please share your experiences with any of the above, as they are all things I've been thinking about lately. Big Kid has been talking hamster/Guinea Pig talk big time and his birthday is coming up. We are definitely NOT in need of a rodent, but he would love it so much. I've had hamsters and could live without doing that again. (I just ran the idea by Mr. Ashley and he suggested packaging our cat Pearl into a tank with a wheel and a ball and saying she was the biggest hamster we could find and is all his now. Big Kid would be so pissed. Pearl would be too.)
Kota the dinosaur is on sale at Toys R Us and would probably make an ideal birthday gift for little kid. He LOVES dinosaurs and I kind of feel like one large gift would be better than lots of cheaper ones. I'm tired of stuff. But do I need a life-size baby dinosaur in the house? It does look pretty cool.
I don't know if Slaughterhouse Five would be my sort of book or not, but I keep coming across it. I've read Kurt Vonnegut before, but I don't remember what (which could be a bad thing). Sci-fi is not my thing, but I'm cool with time travel (to an extent). I'm reading Outlander now, as recommended by closet readers--it's good, more romance than I'm used to but I like it. I told Mr. Ashley if I ever travel back in time, cheating isn't cheating and same goes for him. Because technically, we wouldn't be married YET. Just wanted to get that cleared up, just in case.
Okay, please relay your book-reading/Guinea-pig-having/Triceratops-buying/time travel experiences and help me avoid future mistakes.
Nerves
I have a photo shoot in an hour that I'm insanely anxious about. It is 11 adults and I rarely do adults or big groups really (nor do I want to).
The family is very wealthy and I haven't spoken with them yet, only their country club director who knows me because I took photos of her children.
I didn't even really want to be doing photography again, people just kept calling and it would be totally insane to turn money down so I decided to go ahead and do it. I'm very, very nervous that it will rain. It's been beautiful all day but there are clouds and rumbling on the horizon, and I'm really not equipped to shoot 11 grown ups in an enclosed area if I'm not in the studio.
Grrrr.
Logically I know everything will be fine, they will be nice and in a festive mood (they are going on a cruise tomorrow), it probably won't rain, and they will most likely be pleasantly surprised with their photos but right now, I'd pay them my session fee NOT to do it.
There is absolutely no point to this post other than to attempt to kill some time.
Update: Whew, it's over. It was only marginally better than I feared. The pics turned out good but it wasn't much fun for me. I'll stick with kids--give me a snotty 2-year-old over a group of grown ups any day.
The family is very wealthy and I haven't spoken with them yet, only their country club director who knows me because I took photos of her children.
I didn't even really want to be doing photography again, people just kept calling and it would be totally insane to turn money down so I decided to go ahead and do it. I'm very, very nervous that it will rain. It's been beautiful all day but there are clouds and rumbling on the horizon, and I'm really not equipped to shoot 11 grown ups in an enclosed area if I'm not in the studio.
Grrrr.
Logically I know everything will be fine, they will be nice and in a festive mood (they are going on a cruise tomorrow), it probably won't rain, and they will most likely be pleasantly surprised with their photos but right now, I'd pay them my session fee NOT to do it.
There is absolutely no point to this post other than to attempt to kill some time.
Update: Whew, it's over. It was only marginally better than I feared. The pics turned out good but it wasn't much fun for me. I'll stick with kids--give me a snotty 2-year-old over a group of grown ups any day.
Friday, July 10, 2009
Saltimbanco
I never got to update you all on my Cirque Du Soleil night. We saw their show, Saltimbanco, and as everyone who has ever seen a Cirque show probably knows, sufficient adjectives to describe it just don't exist.
It was amazing, fantastic, magical, imaginative, creative, mind-blowing, funny and sexy. I walked out feeling like I was in a trance. I feel so blessed that we were able to take the boys to see it because they were completely enthralled and it was amazing to point out that these people were doing these amazing feats without special effects; that it was true talent and hard work. At first, both kids were looking at me like I had lost my mind when people in weird masks and unitards came out slinking around the stage and singing in a foreign language, but within 5 minutes they were completely captivated.
little kid sat on the edge of his seat, perfectly still for the entire show. Big Kid was equally impressed with the performers, the live band, and the guys working the synthesizer and control board. He would often direct my eyes away from the stage to point out what the control board guy was doing. At one point I heard Big Kid gasp as two contortionists were defying physics on a table-like platform and he said, "I...can...not...believe...dey are standing on furniture like dat. So wrong and so dangerous," in a disapproving tone.
Another guy was doing insane things on a bicycle and little kid says he's going to do that too, so I have that to look forward to now.
We lucked into some awesome seats, right where the cast's friends and loved ones were seated, so I eavesdropped on them which was fascinating. I'd love to see the behind-the-scene scene with that crowd--I think working that closely and being that flexible and being on tour could make for some interesting and scandalous situations.
As we left (after a standing ovation), I asked little kid what he thought and he said, "Really, really awesome. Really awesome." It really was. I want to tell you all about the crazy crap on the bike and the guy juggling a gazillion balls and the sexy man and woman percussion session or the people on the poles or the two male contortionists but there's really no describing it.
I believe this tour just started. Here's the dates and places --if you see it, you have to come back here and tell me so we can discuss the awesomeness.
It was amazing, fantastic, magical, imaginative, creative, mind-blowing, funny and sexy. I walked out feeling like I was in a trance. I feel so blessed that we were able to take the boys to see it because they were completely enthralled and it was amazing to point out that these people were doing these amazing feats without special effects; that it was true talent and hard work. At first, both kids were looking at me like I had lost my mind when people in weird masks and unitards came out slinking around the stage and singing in a foreign language, but within 5 minutes they were completely captivated.
little kid sat on the edge of his seat, perfectly still for the entire show. Big Kid was equally impressed with the performers, the live band, and the guys working the synthesizer and control board. He would often direct my eyes away from the stage to point out what the control board guy was doing. At one point I heard Big Kid gasp as two contortionists were defying physics on a table-like platform and he said, "I...can...not...believe...dey are standing on furniture like dat. So wrong and so dangerous," in a disapproving tone.
Another guy was doing insane things on a bicycle and little kid says he's going to do that too, so I have that to look forward to now.
We lucked into some awesome seats, right where the cast's friends and loved ones were seated, so I eavesdropped on them which was fascinating. I'd love to see the behind-the-scene scene with that crowd--I think working that closely and being that flexible and being on tour could make for some interesting and scandalous situations.
As we left (after a standing ovation), I asked little kid what he thought and he said, "Really, really awesome. Really awesome." It really was. I want to tell you all about the crazy crap on the bike and the guy juggling a gazillion balls and the sexy man and woman percussion session or the people on the poles or the two male contortionists but there's really no describing it.
I believe this tour just started. Here's the dates and places --if you see it, you have to come back here and tell me so we can discuss the awesomeness.
Medical History
When I got home Mr. Ashley told me that Big Kid wanted to know if I'd ever been on Paxil.
"Um, no. Why do you ask?"
"It can cause birf defects in your child. Heart defects, actually."
"Wh-what?"
"Taking Paxil can cause heart defects in your unborn childrens. Dat's why I need to know," Big Kid insisted defensively.
"Uh, no. No, I did not take Paxil while pregnant."
"'Cuz it can cause problems wif your unborn child. You know, while it's still in your tummy."
Talking over Mr. Ashley who was laughing so hard I was worried he might pee his pants,"Well, I didn't take it, so no worries here."
"Look dad, don't make fun about serious fings. Paxil is a serious fing. It can cause defects! DEFECTS! Paxil's serious!"
...Now, I know when you're reading it on someone else's blog it's funny--but what normal 5-year-old fixates on side effects of various anti-depressants??? It is so absurd and bizarre and so perfectly Big Kid.
Earlier today he asked if we could buy a machine that looked like a refrigerator but was really an incubator that we'd put our napkins in, and the napkins would turn boiling red if they were really dirty, but not to worry! because the incubator-frigerator would really be "disinfectin" all of our napkins, especially the boiling red ones.
Why do we need disinfected napkins?? Why does he even know the word disinfected?
It's just so weird. It's like he's someone else's kid. Neither Mr. Ashley or I will hesitate to eat something that's dropped briefly to the floor (5 second rule, bitches) but we have a child who wants special machinery to disinfect our napkins and who needs to know my medical history.
"Um, no. Why do you ask?"
"It can cause birf defects in your child. Heart defects, actually."
"Wh-what?"
"Taking Paxil can cause heart defects in your unborn childrens. Dat's why I need to know," Big Kid insisted defensively.
"Uh, no. No, I did not take Paxil while pregnant."
"'Cuz it can cause problems wif your unborn child. You know, while it's still in your tummy."
Talking over Mr. Ashley who was laughing so hard I was worried he might pee his pants,"Well, I didn't take it, so no worries here."
"Look dad, don't make fun about serious fings. Paxil is a serious fing. It can cause defects! DEFECTS! Paxil's serious!"
...Now, I know when you're reading it on someone else's blog it's funny--but what normal 5-year-old fixates on side effects of various anti-depressants??? It is so absurd and bizarre and so perfectly Big Kid.
Earlier today he asked if we could buy a machine that looked like a refrigerator but was really an incubator that we'd put our napkins in, and the napkins would turn boiling red if they were really dirty, but not to worry! because the incubator-frigerator would really be "disinfectin" all of our napkins, especially the boiling red ones.
Why do we need disinfected napkins?? Why does he even know the word disinfected?
It's just so weird. It's like he's someone else's kid. Neither Mr. Ashley or I will hesitate to eat something that's dropped briefly to the floor (5 second rule, bitches) but we have a child who wants special machinery to disinfect our napkins and who needs to know my medical history.
Thursday, July 9, 2009
Dear little kid,
I understand that bathroom mistakes happen, I really do.
However, when they happen--say you drop a few logs on your way to the toilet--you also know that the clean up process is beyond your basic ability.
Attempting to roll it up in the bathroom rug? Not a good idea.
Attempting to use a pair of your brother's shorts to sponge it up? Not a good idea.
Also, when trying to use toilet paper, it's best to unroll a few sheets versus rolling the entire intact roll across a turd over and over again into the white grout.
I was angry when I saw the mess, particularly since I have spent the morning wearing sunglasses and unplugged headphones due to a massive migraine that refuses to be medicated.
But when I went to flush and the toilet clogged? Oh, I was pissed.
Then in my attempts to plunge the toilet, it began to overflow...chunks of poopy toilet paper swirling around my feet as the bathroom flooded. I slipped on a renegade turd in my panic to close the bathroom door to contain the damage. You may remember this as the time when I began screaming, "GET IN YOUR ROOM! YOU ARE IN SO MUCH TROUBLE, GET IN YOUR ROOM NOW!"
Luckily you took my advice, because had you been present when I reached down to turn the water valve off and my hair slipped out of its haphazard bun and TOUCHED TOILET WATER, I would most likely be writing this to you from jail.
(POOPY FUCKING TOILET WATER ON MY HAIR, LITTLE KID! And on my baseboards, yoga pants, feet, vanity, bathroom rug, roll of toilet paper,several towels and a pair of your brother's shorts.)
That, my friend, is why you are staying in your room forever. FOREVER. All the bleach and all of the scalding water and all of the laundry detergent in the world cannot erase what happened today.
I suggest you take a long nap.
I still love you, just from the other side of the house,
Mom
However, when they happen--say you drop a few logs on your way to the toilet--you also know that the clean up process is beyond your basic ability.
Attempting to roll it up in the bathroom rug? Not a good idea.
Attempting to use a pair of your brother's shorts to sponge it up? Not a good idea.
Also, when trying to use toilet paper, it's best to unroll a few sheets versus rolling the entire intact roll across a turd over and over again into the white grout.
I was angry when I saw the mess, particularly since I have spent the morning wearing sunglasses and unplugged headphones due to a massive migraine that refuses to be medicated.
But when I went to flush and the toilet clogged? Oh, I was pissed.
Then in my attempts to plunge the toilet, it began to overflow...chunks of poopy toilet paper swirling around my feet as the bathroom flooded. I slipped on a renegade turd in my panic to close the bathroom door to contain the damage. You may remember this as the time when I began screaming, "GET IN YOUR ROOM! YOU ARE IN SO MUCH TROUBLE, GET IN YOUR ROOM NOW!"
Luckily you took my advice, because had you been present when I reached down to turn the water valve off and my hair slipped out of its haphazard bun and TOUCHED TOILET WATER, I would most likely be writing this to you from jail.
(POOPY FUCKING TOILET WATER ON MY HAIR, LITTLE KID! And on my baseboards, yoga pants, feet, vanity, bathroom rug, roll of toilet paper,several towels and a pair of your brother's shorts.)
That, my friend, is why you are staying in your room forever. FOREVER. All the bleach and all of the scalding water and all of the laundry detergent in the world cannot erase what happened today.
I suggest you take a long nap.
I still love you, just from the other side of the house,
Mom
Wednesday, July 8, 2009
Happy Dance
I get to go see a Cirque Du Soleil show tonight!
If I was wearing pants, I would pee them in happiness.
If I was wearing pants, I would pee them in happiness.
Tuesday, July 7, 2009
Social Awkwardness
Big Kid really needs some friends. He's lonely and bored and kind of crabby.
However, I want no part of awkward play dates at neutral, annoying, kid-filled places with moms I wouldn't otherwise choose to hang out with. I want friends dropped off at the house and then I want the kids to go to the playroom and do their own thing.
I don't know how to make that transition though. I think his classmates' moms know me well enough but I still feel a little weird calling and asking them to drop off their kids. His favorite male friend is the one with the socially awkward mom and she mentioned that she doesn't allow birthday candles due to the potential danger, so would she (and should she?) drop her kid off at my house?
Do I want her kid at my house?
We joined an organic co-op and when I went to sign up, my boys had a great time with the co-op owner's 6 and 7 year old sons and then we discovered that they live one street down from us. I can see her house from my front yard. The co-op is on break for summer but I do have her email address (and she lives within sight). Do I just ask if her boys can come over to play or will we most likely have to hang out first, or what? I keep hoping I'll see her outside with the kids but I never do. She is a juicing guru and my dad did just give us a juicer, so I could always use that pretext for getting back in touch. God, I'm such a dork. Who knew becoming a mom could create such social awkwardness? I thought kids just got together and played, I didn't think I'd have to do so much facilitating to make it happen.
I let Big Kid call Ahsiya this evening because he's been asking for days. He just misses her like crazy. The other day out of nowhere he told me, "You know what? I've been finkin' and I loved Ahsiya since da first day of school. Da very first day." After days of begging to call her, and after making her mom understand who he was and who he wanted, he sat there silently once she got on the line. He covered the receiver and hissed, "I don't know what to say!" at me and I whispered to ask about her summer. Awkward pauses and "What?" "What?" "What?" followed for a minute or so. I told him to tell her that he missed playing with her, and he did--loudly and with a smile. Then her mom got on and said that Ahsiya would call him right back, that she needed the phone really quick and then she would call him back at this number and was that okay? He said it was and hung up.
He was happy and went back to watching television and doing his own thing. He even thanked me and gave me a hug for letting him call her. I noticed that she didn't call back, but figured he forgot and was happy with the conversation they had. Right before bed he said, "But Ahsiya's sposed to call me right back. I been waitin' all dis time. I need to talk to her so bad." Ugh.
Did she forget? Feel too shy to call? Not want to call? Why oh why didn't she call?!?
The whole thing is just painful to watch.
I hope it gets easier as they get older.
However, I want no part of awkward play dates at neutral, annoying, kid-filled places with moms I wouldn't otherwise choose to hang out with. I want friends dropped off at the house and then I want the kids to go to the playroom and do their own thing.
I don't know how to make that transition though. I think his classmates' moms know me well enough but I still feel a little weird calling and asking them to drop off their kids. His favorite male friend is the one with the socially awkward mom and she mentioned that she doesn't allow birthday candles due to the potential danger, so would she (and should she?) drop her kid off at my house?
Do I want her kid at my house?
We joined an organic co-op and when I went to sign up, my boys had a great time with the co-op owner's 6 and 7 year old sons and then we discovered that they live one street down from us. I can see her house from my front yard. The co-op is on break for summer but I do have her email address (and she lives within sight). Do I just ask if her boys can come over to play or will we most likely have to hang out first, or what? I keep hoping I'll see her outside with the kids but I never do. She is a juicing guru and my dad did just give us a juicer, so I could always use that pretext for getting back in touch. God, I'm such a dork. Who knew becoming a mom could create such social awkwardness? I thought kids just got together and played, I didn't think I'd have to do so much facilitating to make it happen.
I let Big Kid call Ahsiya this evening because he's been asking for days. He just misses her like crazy. The other day out of nowhere he told me, "You know what? I've been finkin' and I loved Ahsiya since da first day of school. Da very first day." After days of begging to call her, and after making her mom understand who he was and who he wanted, he sat there silently once she got on the line. He covered the receiver and hissed, "I don't know what to say!" at me and I whispered to ask about her summer. Awkward pauses and "What?" "What?" "What?" followed for a minute or so. I told him to tell her that he missed playing with her, and he did--loudly and with a smile. Then her mom got on and said that Ahsiya would call him right back, that she needed the phone really quick and then she would call him back at this number and was that okay? He said it was and hung up.
He was happy and went back to watching television and doing his own thing. He even thanked me and gave me a hug for letting him call her. I noticed that she didn't call back, but figured he forgot and was happy with the conversation they had. Right before bed he said, "But Ahsiya's sposed to call me right back. I been waitin' all dis time. I need to talk to her so bad." Ugh.
Did she forget? Feel too shy to call? Not want to call? Why oh why didn't she call?!?
The whole thing is just painful to watch.
I hope it gets easier as they get older.
6 Degrees
I'm embarrassed to admit it, but I still check in on Arthur K-A-D-E (I don't want Google knowing about this, being a part of "The Journey" via Arthur's press page is enough) from time to time. It's more a bad habit now than anything, I don't have the same perverse obsession as I had before--a shark has definitely been jumped somewhere along the way. I no longer comment or check it multiple times a day from my phone.
If you're not keeping up with it, I wouldn't start now. In fact, you have permission to just skip this whole post.
However, I noticed that our own dear Anastasia Beaverhousen went all bargain-board on Kent Osborne from Cartoon Network for hanging with the Kadester. I found this hysterical, since Anastasia Beaverhousen and I first became acquainted when she went all bargain-board on me one day (I don't even know about what anymore, something about me lacking integrity which is probably pretty accurate if we're being honest) and then eventually became a valued occasional commenter here (she left a very insightful comment on the last life sucks post).
I read her original comment on Kade's blog and LOL'd that she thought her comment would bother this guy, but I seriously LOL'd when I saw that she was mentioned on his blog and received a heartfelt and seemingly genuine apology (July 6 entry). Milk this for all it's worth, Anastasia Beaverhousen! Get Cartoon Network to sponsor the Ashley's Closet cruise, ask if they want Big Kid for voice over work, or at the very least blackmail him for naked pictures (and then share them with the rest of us offended moms).
I found this 6-degrees-of-internet-separation amusing though and thought I'd share since I originally infected so many of you with Kades to begin with. I also found the Cartoon Network guy's account of things entertaining and was touched by his apology and his relationship with his mom.
However, I swear this is the last time I'll mention anything related to Arthur Kade. (Hopefully).
If you're not keeping up with it, I wouldn't start now. In fact, you have permission to just skip this whole post.
However, I noticed that our own dear Anastasia Beaverhousen went all bargain-board on Kent Osborne from Cartoon Network for hanging with the Kadester. I found this hysterical, since Anastasia Beaverhousen and I first became acquainted when she went all bargain-board on me one day (I don't even know about what anymore, something about me lacking integrity which is probably pretty accurate if we're being honest) and then eventually became a valued occasional commenter here (she left a very insightful comment on the last life sucks post).
I read her original comment on Kade's blog and LOL'd that she thought her comment would bother this guy, but I seriously LOL'd when I saw that she was mentioned on his blog and received a heartfelt and seemingly genuine apology (July 6 entry). Milk this for all it's worth, Anastasia Beaverhousen! Get Cartoon Network to sponsor the Ashley's Closet cruise, ask if they want Big Kid for voice over work, or at the very least blackmail him for naked pictures (and then share them with the rest of us offended moms).
I found this 6-degrees-of-internet-separation amusing though and thought I'd share since I originally infected so many of you with Kades to begin with. I also found the Cartoon Network guy's account of things entertaining and was touched by his apology and his relationship with his mom.
However, I swear this is the last time I'll mention anything related to Arthur Kade. (Hopefully).
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