Tuesday, September 25, 2012

Snuggle Time

Big Kid, age 9, too big for public hand holding or hugs, still loves to snuggle. We snuggle every morning in my bed, usually with the cat on our chests purring. Yesterday he took too long in the shower to have our morning snuggle and was all kinds of ticked off on his Monday morning, about the injustice of school and the ridiculousness of the early arrival time of the bus.

So we snuggled before bed that night instead and he said, "I love you so much! I could snuggle you every day for the rest of my life."  It melts my heart when he says things like that. Especially now that he's so big and cool.

"I'm available for that! We could snuggle every day for the rest of our lives." I answered.

"I would really like that. I want to do that." He hugged me tighter and then was quiet for a moment, pensive. "We're probably going to have to hide it from my wife, though."

I don't know whether to put a *sigh* or a LOL here.

He's a smart man already. 

Wednesday, September 19, 2012


"I was thinking, maybe when we have the outdoor movie night in October, we could make it a zombie party!" I announced to Big Kid, with great excitement.

"Uh...didn't you want to have a zombie party last year?"

"Yes! I really want to!"

He sighed, looking tired. Looking like the responsible parent who would have to fund the zombie party, and clean up after it.

"What? You don't like the idea?"

"It's just...weird."


"You can't tell people what to be for Halloween!"

"It won't be ON Halloween. Like a Saturday or two before."

"That's even weirder. You're asking people to dress as zombies NOT on Halloween?"

"Yes. To watch a movie."

"Why zombies?"

"Because I want to have a bunch of zombies hanging around outside."

"That's very weird. Sorry."

"I might still do it."

"Oooooooookay," he said sarcastically (or star-tastically, as he hilariously pronounced it for years).

Pretty sure that means I have to do it.

Thursday, September 13, 2012

New Kid

I just went to my first PTO meeting at the kids' new school.

I was dreading it in a major way. And I was right to because I felt like the fat kid in gym class, standing awkwardly off to the side while teams are eagerly formed, trying to stand up a little straighter and smile a bit brighter when anyone accidentally made eye contact.

And it was no one's fault. I was looking my best and feeling determined to be outgoing and helpful. But they all already knew each other and clumped up in groups of 2 and 3 to chat, in a way that made it impossible to just casually join in. I was one of "them" at the last school and I know they weren't excluding me as much as not noticing me.

So, I awkwardly checked my phone and ate as many of their pastries as I could. I tried to seek out other socially awkward penguins but there weren't many and the others did a good job seeming too busy to approach. I signed up for the stupid crap I will later complain about "having" to do, with the hope that one day I'll no longer be the new kid (and to help the kids or whatever, blahblahblah).

And if I was PTO president (and I will NEVER be PTO president--if all of the PTO presidents went extinct tomorrow, there would be no more PTO), I would hold PTO meetings at happy hour in bars. And everyone (including working parents--what is up with 9am weekday meetings??) would come. And they would talk. And they would be happy. And shit may or may not get done but we would have a better time doing it.

And no one would dread PTO meetings anymore!

My alternate idea is saying "fuck the PTO" and doing more paddleboarding and yoga and beach going and whatnot. Which is far more likely than revolutionizing or infiltrating that group.

Sunday, September 9, 2012

Won't You Be Mine

My formerly quiet neighborhood is suddenly awash in kids.

We had one neighbor girl at first. Little kid loved her, I...could have lived without her. She was loud and mischievous (to put it nicely). But regardless, I was sad when she moved because he was sad.

But another (better!) neighbor girl moved in, with a fun older sister. And then a brother/sister the same ages as my kids moved in down the street at the same time. Now it's kid central.

Luckily all of the parents are cool and everyone seems to have the same laid back style, expectations and rules. Everyone knows where their kid is, everyone rounds their own back up occasionally, everyone is comfortable with kicking everyone back outside. So, while it's a teensy bit annoying to have tiny people trying to peer through my French door curtains at 8:00am on a Sunday, sometimes I have less of my own kids now and that's a good thing.

It is very scary to let your kids go into the homes of strangers though.

Not because of stranger danger but because God only knows how they behave or what they talk about around others. I don't want my neighbors having concrete evidence that we're as weird as we seem. And you always think your kids are probably *pretty* good, but what if they're the sneaky little jerk at someone else's house?? I hate it.

So one of the new neighbor moms and I were talking the other day and she said, "Oh, I just have to tell you! When your kids were over the other day--they're good kids, nice boys--" My heart is seizing up at this point, despite hearing the "good kids". I'm waiting for a "But", my brain is racing to make up excuses as to why they did whatever they've done and how I can pay for damages/therapy/ruining her kids, and I'm already coming up with punishment ideas.

"Well, your little one said something..." That little shit. I will lock him in his room and never let him out!

"...that made my husband and I look at each other...." Fuck, the husband was home. Why did I let them out?

"...and say 'We should take parenting classes from these people.' Really. Your kids are SO good, SO sweet, SUCH a pleasure, you are really doing something right."

I almost fell over in a dead faint right there.

"little kid?!? Said something....good? I've got to say, I was worried there for a second, especially when you mentioned my youngest! Phew!"

And would you believe, I NEVER FOUND OUT WHAT HE SAID? I was just so relieved not to have Child Protective Services finally called.

Monday, September 3, 2012

Bad Mom

Today I yelled at a stranger's child.

To be fair, I thought it was my own child. A small person standing too close to me in a check out line knocked a bunch of stuff over and I told him to pick it up and then reprimanded him for not doing it neatly.

Then I noticed it was not my child, because his mom was standing there with a shocked look on her face.

I laughed and explained myself but it was really embarrassing. Like, I'm still embarrassed.

But he was doing a shitty job picking that stuff up.