Dear Children's Book Publishers,

Who came up with the idea of books that make noise? Because that was the dumbest freaking idea ever.

I've heard sporadic doorbell sounds for the last 20 minutes or so and decided to investigate. Turns out, little kid is playing with a book--a book that has buttons that make obnoxious, echoing sounds.

This is wrong on so many levels. Books shouldn't annoy me. Books should be quiet. Books don't need noises, batteries, or flashing lights. I know everyone's in a race to improve upon everything, but the only improvement books need is better writing and better illustrations.

It would also be great if they fit nicely on a shelf. I know you think your ginormous, oversized book is eye-catching and it is--every time I see it, it catches my eye and I think "Oh, there's that gigantic-ass book I'm never sure what to do with," and I secretly hate it for messing up the continuity of my shelves.

Let's just have normal sized, quiet books with good stories inside. No batteries required.

Kthxbai,
Ashley