Monsters in the Closet

I know I've sucked at entertaining you all so far this week. Remember the photo shoot I had the other day? Well, I showed the pictures to the mom and she loooooooooved them. She posted the link on a mom's group board and within 24 hours I have booked FOUR appointments. She's also interested in a photo book, a photo purse and birth announcements, so I've been running all over the internet figuring out what to do about all of that.

While this is all seriously great and exciting, it makes it hard to be lazy or sit around and chat online with friends all day. In case you are all worrying that I will get rich and successful and have nothing to bitch about...have no fear. There's always something to bitch about. I have kids. Two of them.

Speaking of the little punks, Big Kid is sick again. This is seriously inconvenient as I desperately want him to go to school and since LK and I had playdate plans for this afternoon. So much for all of that. Another day locked up in this sty.

Anyhoo, my girl Fluffy Windover brought to my attention that you can check Statcounter to see what people googled to get to you. Hers cracked me up so I started paying attention to mine. This is how people in the last week have found me:

Craigslist Vera Bradley Java Blue (Someone with good taste in purses)

Sloppy Joe's toga Fantasy Fest pics (So fun! Been there, done that, have toga pics to prove it!)

Pervy stories blog (What?? I'm not that pervy)

My penis is really big for some reason Ashley loves it!! (Um...someone googled this? For real?)

The biggest zit ever (Sorry 'bout your luck. I thought mine was MRSA Staph, but it wasn't)

How much of the Master Cleanse do I drink? (NONE!)

Herpes info website ahms (Sucks to be you)

Kim Kardashian, closets (Googling yourself again, Kim?)

Fat arms (DAMN IT! I KNEW my arms were fat. I don't want to be famous for it)

Kim Kardashian closet (This has to be the same person as above, right? Two people can't care)

What it means to hear angels singing (It means you've done too much LSD)

Photos of snakes in women's womb (Wh...wh...what?? HOW did they end up here??)

Pierce Brosnan spanking (A kindred spirit)

Master Cleanse no poop (Just quit already)

Warm saltwater to poop (Seriously, DON'T DO IT)

So if any of you freaks have stuck around, please do explain. Particularly the big penis person or the freaky snake person. Why, oh why, are you googling these things? Whatever compelled you to click on my link?

I told you all that there were weirdos around here.