MISSING: Beloved Remote Control, Black w/Buttons, REWARD

My Remote Control is gone. Totally missing. I have torn the house apart.

We had a playdate today and I highly suspect the big kid and his little girl friend of squirreling it away somewhere. This is a catastrophe. Honestly, it's a spankable offense. I don't really spank, not because I disagree with spanking, but because that little punk can run faster than I can.

So my television is stuck on Noggin, of all channels. Freaking Noggin, story of my life. The swat team could be surrounding my house, live on all networks, with a serial killer on the roof and I'd be inside watching Moose A. Moose and his friend Zee count worms. Good God. Tonight I've seen 3 episodes of Fresh Prince of Bel Air, Suite Life of Zach & Cody and DeGrassi: Porn for Pre-teens. Either I'm too old or these kids are too old, but someone is too old. No wonder these kids are all sexed up, it is clearly Noggin's fault. Oh I guess it's "The N" or some such crap at night. It's just not right.

Please everyone think positive thoughts about my remote. I really can't take much more of it. I will offer a $50 reward and my undying devotion to whoever finds it.