Just Say No

"I'm clipping this money together to buy drugs with it," little kid said out of nowhere the other day. (Fantastic!)

"Drugs??" I asked in horror, because he loves to catch bugs and I was sure I misheard.

"Yes, this is my drug money."

"What are you talking about?? You don't do drugs!" I seriously have no idea where he got this.I am not proud.

"Bro, I want to buy drugs from you but I don't have any money." Big Kid said. Yes! Big Kid! Rule Follower Extraordinaire.

"Guys, seriously, this game isn't cool. You have to stop."

"Why isn't it cool? We're not really buyin' drugs."

"We don't pretend to buy drugs. We don't do drugs. Ever. Not even pretend." (I really wanted to throw in a "Drugs are bad, mmmmkay," Mr. Garrison-style but this is serious business and they wouldn't get it anyway.)

little kid looked at me for a moment, the wheels in his head obviously turning. "Well, ya see, mom, I invented a new drink that's a drug."

"That won't work either. You're not allowed to pretend to do drugs just like you're not allowed to pretend to smoke cigarettes or kill people."  (Because smoking cigarettes and killing people are near parallel offenses in my world).

"Oh, It's not really a drug, it's an, uh, um, energy drink, and I named it 'The Drug'".

His persistence is astounding, he just never gives up ever. There's always a reply waiting in the wings.

"What?" he asked as I glared at him.  "It's a good name. You can't tell me I can't name my mesperiment that. I can name it whatever I want.." He then turned to Big Kid and said, "So bro, you want to buy Drugs? It's a drink. Not the type mom doesn't like. We don't do those drugs!"

He's 5. FIVE. 5! In kindergarten. Living a (fairly) normal life with (fairly) normal (halfway) respectable people. Why are we already arguing about him selling drugs?

And who would think Big Kid would want to buy some??