little kid list

1. He is dressing himself these days--almost exclusively in a camo tank top with a helicopter screen-printed on it that went directly into the Goodwill pile after receiving it as a gift for Big Kid. little kid found it and wants to wear nothing but his "bad guy" shirt--even if it is dirty. If I manage to hide it, he insists on another tank top so he can see his muscles. He usually goes with jeans or camo shorts, occasionally he'll insist on board shorts. Then he wears his boots. Always. Although cute, he is the perfect picture of white trash in these outfits. I have seriously considered getting him one of those "Hello my name is" tags and writing "I DRESS MYSELF" in black Sharpie on it.

2. He has worn his goggles and snorkle every day since vacation. For those of you without kids, pulling goggles with an elastic band over a gigantic head of soft, curly hair is no easy feat. Yet I do it, 4 or 5 times a day, regardless of whether or not there is any water around to swim in. He's wearing them now.

3. Every single morning at 7:30 a.m., I wake up to the sound of "MUMUM, WILL YOU WIPE MY BUTT?" being screamed at me from his side of the house. I know you're about to say that it's better than him wiping himself on my shower curtain, but it sure doesn't feel like it some days. I am not a morning person to begin with, the VERY last thing I want to do is wake up to screaming and butt wiping first freaking thing every single day.

4. He starts thinking about breakfast the moment he opens his eyes. The rest of the family are slow risers. We get up, hang out, watch some television, and generally wait an hour or so before breakfast. Not little kid. Immediately after I wipe his butt in the mornings, I hear, "You get me dinner now?" If I insist on coffee first, he stands there and stares at me and goes on and on about how hungry he is. Big Kid rolls out of bed around 9ish and doesn't want to eat until 10ish, so I have to make breakfast twice.

So, as we already know, he can be a real pain in the butt. It's a good thing he's cute and so unbelievably affectionate. He's an amazing cuddler, he just melts his body into yours comfortably regardless of how you're sitting. He's also one of the funniest little people I've ever met, his personality is bigger than his body. Unfortunately, he knows this.

These qualities, and the fact that orphanages are so hard to find these days, make me want to keep him.