Dear Anonymouses,

While we wait for the waaaaaaahmbulance to come round you whiners up, let's go back over our purpose here in the Closet.

First, I think it's important to remember that the Closet is NOT a democracy. Is not, has never been and will never be. It is 100% an Ashleyocracy around here--it is the only place in the world that I can maintain total Ashleyocracy and if I need your input, I'll be sure to ask. So far, we've done pretty well without your input, thankfully.

Secondly, this has been going on for almost two years now. Almost every day. When you follow someone's life, general hilarity may not be available three times a day for years in a row. Frankly, it's amazing I've managed to keep up with it as well as I have. 952 posts last year. That's pretty extraordinary for an unpaid anything and it just can't all be funny, that's a fact of life and life is what this blog is based upon.

Third, damn right I'm going to take free food and clothes. I've made less than $10 a month over the course of our lives in The Closet and worked far harder than that.

Now, if you want to go start a blog and share every detail of your life for years for nothing other than the LOLZ and comments from anonymous losers who will whine about every fucking thing they can think of, and then refuse any perk or payment for the sanctity of your humor and the entertainment of your oh-so-grateful readers---feel free. In fact, take all of the other anonymouses with you. I'm sure it will be a laugh a minute and you'll earn the Dooce-like super stardom that my boring ass can only dream of.

If worse came to worst and every single one of you left because you would rather read nothing at all than a 100 word post about free pasta...I'd still be here doing exactly what I do. Because it's my online diary, not my duty as a human being to entertain you with every single key stroke.

Also, I know 99% of you are awesome and you make it all fun, and the other 1% are just lonely, jealous and have an extraordinary amount of time on their hands, so I'm sorry the cool folks have to read even one word about the losers because that's way more boring than hearing about discount shopping, but sometimes we do need to remind people where the Closet door is because they start thinking that we are somehow forcing them to stay here and read every word when nothing is farther from the truth.

So Anonymouses of the Closet, we release you. Run free into the blogosphere, find hysterical blogs with dozens of entries a day and nary a commercial in sight. I'll be here thinking of you, eating my free pasta and wearing my free clothes and boring my readers with tales of such.

Sincerely,
Ashley

PS I'll announce the pasta winner by the end of the day, sorry if my weekend long headache inconvenienced anyone's dreams of frozen food.