Questions I've Been Meaning to Answer-Updated

1. Can you explain how to watermark a picture?

It depends on what editing program you use. But basically you just type words (do not copy, www.whatever.com, etc) on to the picture and then reduce the opacity, or on photoshop I use a dark gray font and change that layer to "screen". I don't really know what that means, but that's what I do.

2. How do you keep your feet flip flop friendly?

I don't. I wish I could answer that differently. During my pregnancies, I tried to get pedicures every two weeks or so, because something deserved to be pretty dammit. But now I'm poor and not knocked up and haven't had a pedicure since Catfish treated me to one in December.

When I had the flu recently, and I was a little bit delirious, I kept rubbing my feet around in the sheets and I was convinced I was growing hooves. I wanted to beg Mr. Ashley to slather my feet in body butter and put some socks on me, but was too exhausted to deal with explaining. I also wanted to get up and post about my feet turned hooves dilemma, but again, too sick. Sorry you missed it.

The other day out of desperation I used some thing my mom got me, I think it was called a Micro Planer or something (I bet she got it on QVC), and it actually did a really good job. I bet it works similarly to the ped-egg, but it scaled back the hoof parts and didn't seem dangerous or scary like those things the manicuring people try to bleed you with.

Mr. Ashley would love if I would paint my toenails more often...and I would love if he would surprise me with presents and tell me I'm pretty at least 3 times a day. So you can't always get what you want. I think routine pedicures would drastically improve morale around here, but he doesn't see that as a necessity.

So basically, my plan of attack with flip flops is to just hope that most people are too nearsighted or distracted to see my toes with any detail. Good plan, huh?

3. Someone asked (a long time ago) if I'm coming to Savannah in May and if I've been there before:

Yes and yes! OMG, I freakin' loooooove me some Savannah. I could live there.

It is freaking GORGEOUS and has so much character and I could take pictures all day, every day, all over town.

*Big sigh*

4. Does it bother you that there seem to be a lot of Ashley wannabee's out there? I've visited a few blogs of some of your commenters, and I feel like I'm reading carbon copies of your past posts. It makes me mad! It's ok to be inspired and create your own blog, but be original people!

Sorry, just had to rant here...

(You don't have to post approve this if you think it will cause controversy.)

Good question. The Renee and I were just discussing this the other day.

Yes, it does annoy me a little sometimes. There's a fine but fuzzy line between being inspired by and doing an imitation of...and I know imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, but I prefer compliments and presents instead.

But what can you do?

As long as no one is trying to be funnier than me, we're cool.

5. Does The Renee have a blog?

Not a public one. I keep begging her to do one, but she's all "I have too many kids and I spend too much time online and my nanny's all knocked up and I don't have the time for one more thing" Waaaah.

I even told her I had the perfect description for her:

Homeschooling stay at home mom to 4 kids with a long distance husband, a questionably legal knocked up nanny, and a business degree from Wharton, who rides an adult tricycle while listening to theme songs from retro tv shows and strives to get life under control.

WHO WOULDN'T READ THAT?? Her blog would be super smart too, The Renee always has interesting articles and statistics and things to think about. And she's funny. I steal some of her shit sometimes, like when I've done posts like:

So I said to myself, "Self, you need to get off your ass"...that's all The Renee, the Self thing.

I did that to her on our birth board too, she came up with the brilliant idea of recounting drama as band camp stories, which was funny as fucking hell, but even funnier when I did it. She made up a quiz for us all one day (she's a total dork like that) and one of the questions was who wrote the first band camp story and the only person who didn't answer 'Ashley' was me.

So some of you who think you're copying me, are maybe actually copying The Renee, who I do the occasional copying from. Anyway, she says she likes being a character here and she can still post and be funny without all of the pressure of keeping it up and devoting time and whatnot. Lazy, huh?

You all should protest, I've tried but it got me nowhere.


Okay, now I can finally publish those comments and get them out of my inbox. I'm going to have to devise a new system for remembering to answer questions in the comments. I'll put it on the list of things to think about.

Edited to add: The Renee can be very sensitive re: her adult trike. When she originally announced it, I told her that it was the queerest thing I'd ever heard and I would pay money to hear what the neighbors thought.

Then when she brought up the TV theme song downloads, I asked her if I had told her how freaking queer she was lately and there may have been a little bit of pissyness that I brought her adult trike into it, until someone (Alissa?) came up with the hysterical image of me riding on the handlebars of The Renee's trike with us singing the Laverne & Shirley song together as we rode through the streets.

So don't ask her if she wears a helmet with her trike. You just never know how that'll go over. (I choose to believe that she does, because it's funnier that way)

Edited Again to Add the song lyrics because the Laverne & Shirley trike image is even funnier when you know the words to the song, which are particularly funny for Renee and I with all of our failed motivational/inspirational b.s. Make sure you imagine it with her driving the trike, with her helmet on, and me on the handlebars in short shorts with my hair blowing in the breeze. k?

One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight.
Sclemeel, schlemazel, hasenfeffer incorporated.
We're gonna do it!

Give us any chance, we'll take it.
Give us any rule, we'll break it.
We're gonna make our dreams come true.
Doin' it our way.

Nothin's gonna turn us back now,
Straight ahead and on the track now.
We're gonna make our dreams come true,
Doin' it our way.

There is nothing we won't try,
Never heard the word impossible.
This time there's no stopping us.
We're gonna do it.

On your mark, get set, and go now,
Got a dream and we just know now,
We're gonna make our dream come true.
And we'll do it our way, yes our way.
Make all our dreams come true,
And do it our way, yes our way,
Make all our dreams come true
For me and you.

That's going to make me LOL the rest of the night.