The Impersonator

I met with the boys' new principal today. I was very nervous because I am not "that" parent and don't particularly like "those" parents, for the most part. But my kids are the most beautiful, special children in the world and require special accommodations, naturally.

I feel very accomplished now that it's over though, like I successfully impersonated an adult-- when will I start feeling like a real grown-up? I'm 33 and have 2 (bigger) kids and many life experiences, yet  managing to act like a serious grown-up in a meeting still feels like a triumph to be celebrated.

(And now I'm belittling my own accomplishment of subterfuge. Do you see how tiring it is to be this neurotic?)

Sometimes when driving around in my SUV, I have startling moments of self awareness, like, "What the fuck am I doing driving 4000 pounds of steel around with my kids in the back like it's no biggie? Singing 'Call Me Maybe' while doing 50 miles per hour on a narrow strip of asphalt with a bunch of other distracted idiots driving thousands of pounds of metal too? Who thought this was a good idea?!"

And people even dumber than me are permitted to do this too, that's truly scary. 

I think that about parenting all of the time, when I have those crippling moments of self-doubt that pop up about decisions: "People dumber than me do this every day," I think and then I just do what I think a smart person would do. It's both a comforting and terrifying thought.

So, I don't know, don't tell anyone but I'm pretty sure I'm not actually a certified, qualified, real live "grown-up" since I feel deceitful when I actually manage to pose as one.

I'm pretty sure I'm also officially "that" parent now, or pretending to be one.