Good Boy, Bad Choices

As much as little kid can make me crazy, he has great taste in movies. Don't get me wrong, I am sick and tired of the Incredible Hulk and Spiderman, but when we are choosing a movie to watch together, he loves to pick movies he knows I liked when I was a little girl. This means I get to watch Little Mermaid, Labyrinth, Return to Oz, Jungle Book, Annie and Alice in Wonderland as much as I want without hearing, "Is dis a girl movie? Girl movies make me puke in my mouf," like I do if I try to talk Big Kid into watching one of these.

My laptop is on a side table, and I sit at the end of the couch and turn my body towards it and do my typing, and little kid rests his body and head against the slope my back makes. He is warm and sweet and watches movies quietly, putting his arms around me and hugging me tight every once in a while.

He goes through cycles where the bad behavior seems worse than ever, and it has been one of those weeks. Let's just say that I honestly had fantasies of taking my laptop and moving into a homeless shelter, where I could work and read books and visit the kids on the weekend. It sounded like a really good plan and something to look forward to.

Mr. Ashley thinks he said "sucker" and not "fucker" the other night, which makes sense since that is one of his favorite insults but I'm pretty tired of being called names. Time outs don't work, taking his stuff away doesn't work, 1-2-3 Magic didn't work, spankings don't work, bribery doesn't work, reasonable conversation doesn't work.

He has also taken to calling me "woman", which I agree is halfway funny without the rest of the abuse, but having someone scream, "Get me a drink, woman" or "I tode you to come wipe my butt, woman!" after being physically and emotionally harassed by them all day long makes me feel like I'm in an abusive relationship. With my 3-year-old. It has to stop.

Since I am tired of yelling at him and chasing him around to get him into time-out all day long, we're trying hardcore positive reinforcement with a ride around the neighborhood in his ride-on Jeep tonight if he can act like a civilized human being for most of the day.

It's almost even more frustrating that he's one of the sweetest people I've ever met. He's deliciously cuddly, and full of joy, and openly loving. When he's truly apologetic, he crawls on to my lap and puts his fat, sticky hands on my cheeks and presses soft little kisses all over my face and asks, "You like my kisses, mumum? I know you be happy wif me now, 'cuz you love kisses. I'm a good boy who makes bad toices, mumum. We best fwiends, mumum, you're my best fwiend, wight?"

He loves me and I love him, we're just engaged in a serious battle of wills lately. I remember having a hard time with Big Kid between the ages of 2-3 too, maybe I'm just not good with this age group. (or maybe this age group just really sucks...)

He's standing in front of me right now begging me to let him watch The Last Samurai. I'm trying to tell him that it isn't a kid's movie, but he's pointing at a shaggy-haired Tom Cruise and telling me there is a giant rat in it and that's why he must watch it.

Funny shit like that, and the sweet stuff, make it worth it (but damn it's hard.)