Get Your Ass Home

So I'm home alone with the kids at dinnertime. This is a big no, no since I am totally tired of being a mom by 6:00pm or so, when they turn into total monsters. I thought I would keep the Big Kid busy by having him use a cookie cutter to make cucumbers into a star shape:

Big Kid: Dere we go, anutter perfect one. Why are we doing dis again?

Ashley: For fun.

Big Kid: Dor Dun? Dis is dun?

Ashley: Yes, isn't it fun?

Big Kid: No. No, dis is not dun. We do not need to do this. We can just eat da cucumbers in circles.

Ashley: I thought you would like this.

Big Kid: No, I don't. I'm going to go play video games.

(I start singing Shameless by Garth Brooks at the top of my lungs)

Big Kid: (running out of his room) What is all dat noise? What is up with all da wacket awound here?

Ashley: I'M SHAMELESS, WHEN IT COMES TO LOVIN' YOU...

Big Kid: You stop dat. You stop dat now. Dat is bad, dat is not good at all.

Ashley: Hey, you don't tell me to stop singing. It makes me feel happy. I'LL DO ANYTHING YOU WANT ME TO, I'LL DO ANYTHING

Big Kid: Dat should not make you happy. It does not make me happy Mudder. I'm going to tell you one more time, dor da wast time, no more of dat.

Ashley: AT ALL...

Big Kid: Mudder, you should eat sumtin. Or maybe play da harmonica. Do sumting with your mouth 'cept for dat.

Ashley: I'M OUT OF MY HEAD...

Big Kid: No, no, no, no, no. Mudder no. Mudder, why are you not listening? You are making da wittle kid cry.

Ashley: (singing, singing, singing for as long as I can to prove he can't make me stop, making up words just to finish the song. Big loud finale.)

Big Kid: Dank you.

Ashley: (annoyed silence)

Big Kid: Mudder, dank you for stopping. I told you to stop and you stopped da singing. You stopped making all dat noise. So dank you for being a good wistener and doing what da Big Kid tells you to do.

Ashley: I'M SHAAAAAMELESS....

Big Kid: You're just a bad grul is what you are. You are on timeout from me. I'm gonna be in my woom and you do not come in dere because I do not want you being all loud. I'm going in dere for some quiet.

Oh darn.