Time Savers

Big Kid is convinced that zipping up your pants is a complete waste of time. We fight about it every single time he gets dressed.

"Big Kid, is your zipper zipped?"

"Mo-om! Why?" (insert big exaggerated sigh here)

"Zip it up! I'm done arguing about this--zip your zipper every time!!"

"No one can even see my zipper! No one ever sees it." He shakes his head and rolls his eyes and hesitates until I demand that he zips it.

I've tried to demonstrate that people can sometimes see unzipped zippers. I've tried to have objective people give their opinions on whether or not zipper-zipping is necessary (they always agree that it is)...but he cannot be convinced. He comes home from school almost every day with his zipper down.

little kid is certain that underwear are a complete waste of time. In fact, he insists that his teacher told him that they were. His teacher was an extremely conservative, devoutly Jewish lady who saw him one hour a week for a few weeks--I'm positive she would never tell him not to wear underwear. He will argue tirelessly about whether or not one is fully dressed without underwear and about what a waste underwear are in general.

So I've got one child whose bare ass is peeking out at every playground and another whose fly is perpetually down. I attempt to fight it and I swear I've tried to raise them to become at least halfway normal people--but let the record show that their inability to dress themselves properly is their own damn fault at this point.

I can only hope they'll go on to do great things with all of the time they've saved.