Oh and...

this isn't the first time a higher power has gotten involved in fixing my computer problems.

Once I called Linksys and found Jesus. Turns out he's Indian and not so great with the small talk, but he was able to fix my router, much to the delight of the Chaws (who are often advising each other to Find Jesus).

So, he's in India! Easily reached via the Linksys service desk hotline. Lots of heavy breathing and awkward silences, but a nice enough fellow.