Dear Waitress,

Just because I'm the type of person who would take my kids to a karaoke bar on a Friday night (although to be fair, it is a chickee hut, and at least around these parts, that makes it acceptable) where people are smoking and handicapped enough to believe they can sing, does NOT mean I want to see camel toe.

Say it with me people, LEGGINGS ARE NOT PANTS. Nor should they ever be worn as such. Especially while you are serving food.

I mean, it wasn't Hooters (not quite as classy), I was not expecting to have to see moose knuckle while I tried to eat my cheeseburger. I was embarrassed for you, and embarrassed for noticing, but how could I not?

The entertainment was worth every dollar (of my parents' money), it was a human freak show up in that joint. Luckily, Big Kid was transfixed by the words on the karaoke screen and didn't seem to notice that they make paint thicker than those pants. Thankfully, you weren't our waitress.

Otherwise, it was good times. little kid ran around the table with a plate of ice, Big Kid was stuck in karaoke screen trance, and my mom is completely unable to conceal her look of mortified disgust for the bad karaokers, so that's good entertainment in itself. My dad does not realize that his voice can't carry across the table while some heifer is singing "Redneck Woman" directly behind me, so I was forced to discuss politics and current events by screaming across the table and yelling "What?"

Anyway, I'm sure it's embarrassing enough to work in a joint like that (although endlessly entertaining, I'm sure), so I'm thinking you should rethink the pants. Or lack thereof.

Quite Frankly,
Ashley