Very Important Parents

Last night Big Kid had a school concert. I was very excited to see him sing. Then I realized that the other parents were all excited to see their kid sing too, and were determined to videotape and photograph throughout. I quickly realized that the set-up was not conducive to getting good video or photos, so after the 2 quick shots I took, I retreated politely to my seat to watch as the show began.

However, the other parents were so excited that they didn't want to sit down. You see, they couldn't get their photos and video if they were sitting down. They shouldn't have to pay the $10 for the school-shot copy of the DVD, they would just go ahead and film it. Also, two photos of their child surrounded on stage by their class was not enough, they needed to capture every moment, presumably for a flip book re-enactment of the event.

A few knew that standing would be impolite, so they raised their cameras over their head and shot continuously from there. Unfortunately, much like a human head, a pair of hands and arms with a camera can easily block the view of the person behind you.

Several parents thought it was okay to stand on or around the videographer's platform. Half of the room was sitting behind this platform, and couldn't see their child if they happened to be in the center of the stage--but hey, the platform parents got to see their kid, right? That's what's important, right?

The polite camera people jostled each other in the side aisles and blocked all of the exits.

I glimpsed Big Kid, in a narrow V created by a fat guy's head and the arm of an overhead camera holder, by leaning dramatically to my right occasionally, careful not to block the view of people behind me. I hardly saw him at all.

He was by far the cutest kid there too, and once he spotted me, he began winking at me with an enormous smile, utilizing half of his face to do the winking since he's still new at it. It was hysterical and adorable and I would have loved to have seen it more than three times.

There was a mom with a camera in baggy capris, crocs and an ugly shirt up on the video platform and after she turned around several times and noted the dirty looks I was giving her for obviously blocking my view by standing somewhere she shouldn't, I almost snuck up behind her and kicked her knees out. I thought about it, I probably would've gotten a standing ovation from everyone sitting behind us.

If she knew how big her butt looked from the back, I assure you she would have taken her seat willingly. I should have taken a photo of that and posted it here, that's what we'll do next time. These people must learn and are incapable of getting a clue like the rest of us, so we're going to have to find new ways, like posting their big, rude asses online for public mocking.

If you are a music teacher who organizes stuff like this, for the love of my sanity, please permit the parents to get 5 minutes of picture taking on stage prior to the show and then tell them no photography allowed, make them sit in chairs, and let them buy the video. It's a fundraiser and a crowd controller and absolutely worth $10 not to have strangers fantasizing about breaking each other's legs during the show.

I look forward to actually seeing the performance once I purchase the video. From the glimpses I got, Big Kid is clearly a rock star in the making.