Eaten

Getting little kid to eat lunch is a struggle every single day.

Nine times out of ten, I make him a sandwich and he picks at it, nibbles at it, lets the cheese slide off, allows a piece of bread to fall onto the floor and then crumbles the rest into a ball so I won't notice that he hasn't eaten it. (I do notice, I'm actually much smarter than he thinks.)

Yesterday I was sick of this so I made him two chicken strips (his favorite and a reasonable quantity) and stood there and watched him eat them. At the 45 minute mark of obnoxious little bites with lots of lip smacking and face making, I told him I had had it and to eat the meal. At about 50 minutes and late for school, I lost it:

"YOU ARE GOING TO EAT THAT CHICKEN! Do you understand? I'm not playing this game with you every day. I make you a nice lunch and you are going to eat it! Two chicken strips!! That's it and you can't get that done! I HAVE HAD IT!! Do you hear me?? When I make you lunch, you WILL eat that lunch! All of it! Without me standing here and feeding you like a baby!!!! It's YOUR body that needs to grow healthy and strong and if YOU don't eat then YOU will have to deal with being puny forever!! Don't you want to be big and strong? Don't you want me to be HAPPY?!? YOU WILL EAT THIS CHICKEN!! YOU WILL EAT IT!! Do you understand me? I AM DONE WITH THIS! EAT THE CHICKEN!! DO. YOU. HEAR. ME?" 

He looked nonplussed. There was a quiet pause as we stared at each other.

"Yeah, I hear you. You are bein' very aggwessive and a little bit mean. Very aggwessive of you. I don't like your attitude."

But he did eat the chicken strips.