Helicopter Crash

So, I know I was really looking forward to Big Kid attending a school that did more projects and field trips and activities outside of the public school norm.

But now that he's leaving for an overnight school trip to St. Augustine tomorrow, I hate this idea very much. Very, very much.

Mr. Ashley and I were not chosen as chaperones. I'm trying not to take it personally but I have a feeling that maybe I should take it personally. But Mr. Ashley hasn't even been a jerk there yet at all, so he should have been able to go, they even said they needed male chaperones and I suspect they are prejudiced against him because he married someone that might have accidentally been annoying a few times.

Or maybe they didn't choose us because they like me the most and we all know chaperoning is going to suck. Can you imagine the bus ride? It's like 3 days! Or 5 hours! Same thing on a bus full of 4th and 5th graders. While I'm fairly certain me being too nice and too fun probably isn't the reason I wasn't picked, I'm glad to have it on the list.

"Big Kid? I'm sure these people are nice and normal and all of that--but I don't really know them. Therefore, in my heart it feels like I'm sending my 10-year-old far away by himself and that is tricky. You have to watch out for yourself, don't assume anyone is watching you, you watch them! You do what you know is right at all times! Be respectful but don't be afraid to speak up for yourself! I am trusting you, the only reason you are going is because I trust you. Listen to them, but trust yourself, and do not get separated from your phone!" I urged him.

"Mom, I do know these people," he said. "So, yeah, I already know I need to watch myself, trust me."

Amusing but not so reassuring.

When he was in 3rd grade, I let him walk home from the bus stop by himself. It was one of the scariest days of my life...and I hid in the bushes and followed him the entire way. I honest to God want to do that tomorrow. The school said parents were not allowed, Big Kid has emphatically said I can not go and Mr. Ashley insists I should not go...but they don't own St. Augustine, I can go there if I want.

I really thought that I was so cool back in October when I had no problem with this idea. See? I am excellent at not being a helicopter parent. I do not have special snowflakes for children.

But today I would hire a helicopter to deliver me and my special snowflake to a hotel of our choosing in St. Augustine if it was up to me.

It's probably good that it's not up to me.