Past Lives

So today's Oprah was about past lives.

When I read the program description, I sort of rolled my eyes and thought it would be hokey.

Although the concept fits in with my own personal beliefs, whenever it is mentioned in the media it seems to involve flaky, scraggly haired people wearing crystals and talking about their third eye and clearly smelling bad.

I've got to say that I was really taken in by the psychiatrist (or whatever he was) who was discussing it. He didn't seem like a flake, he had a first class education, and he was very reluctant to believe in this sort of thing at first.

When I saw video of him hypnotizing people into sharing these "regressions", I was really captivated. Whatever these people were feeling, or remembering, it seemed undoubtedly genuine. They knew little details you wouldn't think they'd know and many times their current fears were based on their supposed past situations.

The whole episode sort of reinforced the strange set of beliefs I've cobbled together for myself. I consider myself a Christian, but I'm the type of Christian that makes my Baptist friends shake their heads and joke about saving my soul.

I do believe Jesus was sent by God and that he died for our sins, however, I do not believe this means every other religion is necessarily incorrect (a few of them are, but they mean well).

I think there is a Higher Power and that he doesn't care who leads you to Him or what you want to call Him. That seems to be the formula of most religions: one Higher Power, one Messiah/Prophet figure, one Ancient Literary Text, and the suggestion to live a good life and appreciate said Higher Power. The rest is just details.

Different rules, different books, different leaders, one Big Boss. I think it's the big picture that counts.

Anyway, I don't believe you just sit in heaven for ETERNITY. No way. I believe you go, see everyone you've missed, hang out for a while, and eventually decide to return to Earth to have new experiences and further evolve your soul. That this is what karma means, don't kick the dog because next time you may be the dog getting kicked. That this is why some people strike us as "old souls", because they've done this a lot of times before and have a greater understanding instinctually. (spellcheck is saying that's not a word, but I think it's a great word so spellcheck can kiss my ass). I also think it is why we are drawn to certain people or situations and why we have certain fears or feel called to certain professions.

A few years ago I read about this boy and I was really struck by the story. How would this little kid know all of this stuff?

It just really makes sense to me, so today when this guy was saying exactly everything I believe, and the memories and reactions these people were having seemed so genuine, like they were coming from SOMEWHERE, I was again overwhelmed by how right it seemed.

I remember my earliest dream (I had to be three or under because we weren't living in FL) was about someone putting me and my best friend at the time (Tara) into a pot belly stove and how terrified I was of the flames. For years I have had nightmares involving dying in a fire and I am NO FUN around a camp fire. We had a fire pit for a while, but we never used it because I would demand that the whole yard and roof be saturated, everyone sit away from the fire, and no one throw anything into the fire. Tonight when the Melting Pot waiter lit our fondue on fire, I felt real fear. So silly. But maybe I have died in a fire before? Maybe that comes from somewhere?

This next part is REALLY crazy, and I've only ever tried to tell Mr. Ashley and my brother before realizing how bat shit crazy I sounded, but I go through phases of having what seems like the same dream. It's not the same dream though, and it's not really about anything in particular, I'm just always in the same place (like a town) that I feel very familiar with and I'm always with people, not people I could name or put faces to, but people that I know and am very happy to be with. Sometimes when I wake up, I'm a little sad and at times I even catch myself looking forward to going to bed in the hopes that I'll go "there".

Man, I sound crazy even typing that out. But it's like a real place to me, fuzzy and dream like, but I could almost draw you a map right now--how to get to the town, where the water is (an ocean? or big lake?), and the small cement block house with the back porch that I "know". I could even give you a rough idea of what the town and neighborhood looked like.

Like I said, I know I sound mentally ill even sharing it and that's why I usually don't, but today while watching this show I felt overwhelmingly like these dreams are a memory. That this is somewhere I've been. Which made me feel less insane, and that is a good thing. Or maybe it's just an excuse for the insanity, which is also a good thing.

Whatever, Dr. Oz didn't discount it. Even he admits that it is naive to think we have data and evidence for every single thing that exists.

So you never know, it could be true, even if I am crazy.