Thursday, October 11, 2012

Autumn

So for about a week now, I've been staring at this giraffe's ass.

Allegedly, this giraffe (her name is Autumn) is going to have a baby soon. But there is speculation that she's just a fat ass because all she does is eat. (Seriously, that's it.) And supposedly giraffes don't look pregnant but I don't know how they hide a 200lb baby with a 6 foot neck so well. So we'll stick with allegedly. She's also got a worthless mate who paces around and eats all of her food--typical man. I'm sick of his face. (I'm talking to you, Walter!)

The children have been excitedly waiting for something interesting to happen. We check every day, several times a day, and make sure the feed is up and running by 5pm because they shut it down to the public at night (so you have to leave the window open).

"So, what's their plan here? Will they do surgery right there on camera?" Big Kid asked.

"Surgery? I hope not."

"To get the baby out? When will they do it?"

"Oh, the baby will come out naturally," we stared at each other for a moment, me realizing the potential to freak him out. "You know, from her vagina."

"Oh GOD! Mom!!"

"What, Big Kid? That's where babies come from!"

"That poor baby," said little kid sadly.

"Think of the mom! She's got a 200 pound baby giraffe coming out of her--"

"MOOOOM! MOM STOP! You are talking about someone's VAGIN-a!"  (Gin sounding like the drink, and all of the emphasis on the first two syllables). "Her VAGIN-a! Come on now!"

Haha! Poor Autumn and her poor VAGIN-a.

Please God let this baby come while they're at home so I can further traumatize them with nature's miracle.

4 comments:

Lin said...

I hadnt even heard of this. Great, I know what my plan for the rest of today is :)

Anonymous said...

I, too, have been staring at Autumn's fat ass for over a week now! She's at our local zoo. When I first started watching LAST Wednesday, I was under the impression that she was in labor. I sure hope I don't miss the birth after all the time I've invested into checking in on her. Love Big Kid's concern about her VAGIN-a!

Jenn said...

Did you see the Colbert episode when he interviewed the author of "Vagina"? It was quite awesome. :)

Theresa said...

That's greatness, but now I, too, am staring at a giraffe's ass waiting to see the baby. How do I get sucked into this shit?