Stop and Grab

So, my 13-year-old is really into politics right now.

Is it because he's an intelligent young man with thoughts and opinions and a growing interest in his future and that of his country?

Or because this election makes professional wrestling look like a tea party with the queen?

I don't know, but it is what it is, and I'd rather have the sex talk every day forever than discuss most of it.

And, of course, with an interested older brother, a passionate mother, a small house, and intriguing sound bites from television, radio, and other grown-ups, the 10-year-old hears a lot too.

It may come as a surprise since I'm laid back, but I still monitor their media in a major way. PG-13 is a firm maybe, nothing scary, nothing sexually gratuitous. So the whole election wouldn't be allowed normally. They were prohibited from watching the second debate.

But they still know more than I realize, despite my careful avoidance of conversational landmines that could destroy their innocence.

The other day, little kid said, "Mom, I heard Donald Trump got caught doing something bad."

Please don't let it be pussygate, please don't let it be pussygate, please don't let it be pussygate, I screamed inside my head.

"Yeah...a few things," I answered evasively.

"What's the new one though?"

"I don't know. I'm not sure which thing you're asking about. There's been a couple."

"I think someone overheard him say something?"

"Hmmm. He says a lot of things."

"About ladies?"

"Yeah, a lot of things about ladies."

"I think there's tape of it? People are mad?"

Fuck.

"Do you already know what was said and just want to discuss it? You can tell me if so."

"No. Just that he said something and people are mad. And I do want to discuss it."

"Huh. Yeah. Well, the difficult thing is that what he said was so bad I can't tell you. It's hard to even give you context. But the gist of it is that he was bragging about how he could kiss women and grab their private parts without asking because he's rich. A little worse than that, but that's bad enough."

"WORSE THAN THAT?!"

"People are mad because not only is it disrespectful, it's actual sexual assault. So he kind of said that he routinely sexually assaults women, and now women are saying that he did this to him, so it's looking pretty credible."

"Oh man. You know what I just thought of?"

Terrified to know, I asked what.

"You know that stop and frisk thing? What if he only wants that so he can touch ladies!"

And then I died a million deaths trying not to laugh at the hilarity, and horrific sadness, of that statement.