Frequently Asked Questions

So I was going to clean out the comment box and finally answer the few questions hanging out in there, but Blogger makes it hard to copy and paste from there. They want me to publish the comment, go search my blog for that post, hit the comments link, and copy and paste from there. That's just too much. So we will make it short and sweet, and I will summarize in my own words:

Did I read somewhere that you make Bento lunches for your kids?

Yes you did. I don't anymore though, I finally realized that I just don't love the kids THAT much. Cutting hotdogs into crab shapes?? Making heart shaped hard boiled eggs?? First of all, both of those things just seem wrong, and gross. Secondly, it doesn't really add up to that much lunch, when you've done all the cute shapes and fit it prettily into a little box. Third, once the other moms and Big Kid's teacher knew I was a good mom, what was even the point?

So yeah, every once in a while I'll cut a sandwich into circles and throw that and a fruit kabob (on a coffee stirrer, so little kid doesn't de-eyeball anyone) into one of those cute little bento boxes I had to have, but mostly, no. I'm just not into it anymore.

(I probably will be again when I need to prove myself to Big Kid's kindy teacher and class.)

I think you're as good as Dooce (ahem), why aren't you making $40,000 a month? Where is your book deal? What can we do to make this happen?

I don't know, obviously. I'm thinking my laziness is probably a big factor. You all are at fault too though, I'm sure. I'm certain ONE OF YOU has some sort of connections or bright idea that you're not coughing up. Don't worry, I'm sure that I'll be Oprah-rich any day now. If not, I might need to come live with one of you, but that should be fun too.

Just curious, but why do you capitalize Big Kid but not little kid? Is there a reason?

It's because I love Big Kid more.

Just kidding. There is no good reason, other than it amuses me. Big Kid is big, so he gets big letters, little kid is little, he gets little letters.

I used to refer to them as The Big Kid and The Little Kid and I'm kind of sorry that the "thes" got lost somewhere along the way because it was funnier that way. But, oh well. They are definitely Big Kid and little kid now and forevermore.

Do you ever post pics of yourself? Dooce does and nothing has ever happened to her.Why don't you use your kids' names? Why so secretive?
(this is a compilation of Frequently Asked Questions. I get this one a lot.)

Yes, I know Dooce posts pictures of herself. Dooce uses her kid's name. Dooce pees Dom Perignon and has a pet unicorn. I've heard all about it.

I'm not necessarily hiding from you all, (because anyone that has hung out on the bargain board for 5 minutes has the sleuthing skills to hunt me down) I'm just trying to keep it so I feel comfortable being so open and honest with you all.

Also, I don't want the kids to be affected socially if it can be avoided. Yes, someone can stumble across their photos and put 2+2 together at any time, but I'm not going to make it any easier than that. I would hate for their teachers or friends to treat them differently for fear of (or in hope of) making it on the blog.

So I try to avoid easily google-able terms (like the name of our city, Mr. Ashley's job, specific places or events) and don't have our photos plastered all over the place. There ARE photos of me on this blog, but usually my face is covered with a camera, or goofy glasses, or whatever. If someone sat down and read every word and recognized me...fine. But I don't want to be easily recognizable to people I went to high school with, or anything like that.

Besides, I think it is kind of fun this way.

I know how badly some of you want to put a name with a face. I also know some of you have kind of stalked me. I hope in being a *little* more open, maybe some of the curiosity will settle down, and people will be understanding of my desire to keep "this" and my "real life" separate. It's really for your own good, and for the good of The Closet.

I've also had a freak or two that thinks they hold some sort of juicy blackmail material over my head, because they have figured out my real name or know my business name...no. It's seriously not the end of the world if people were to find out who I am. The Closet is nothing to be ashamed of, just about everyone I know would be fascinated, and one day when I'm on the Bestseller list, you'll all know my last name anyway. So don't be creepy. It's a little bit flattering and a whole lot weird.

So as a special treat tonight for all of you who aren't stalking me in a scary way, and who are curious to put a face with the "voice"...here I am:

Obviously I am Warhol-ized there, because it lets me keep some anonymity and, honestly, I'm 100x prettier and more glamorous as a piece of iconic art.

Now I am posting this not only to satisfy everyone's wild curiosity, but also to prove to you that I'm totally worthy of your vote for "Hottest Mommy Blogger". Yes, you have to register, but I do hard stuff for you all the time.

Don't just keep on reading, from the happiness of your Google Reader, as if I'm not speaking to you. Get your butt over here and click on that link and vote for me. It's the least you could do.

Yes, I'm talking to you.

I don't even want to win (well I do, but I know I can't compete with such greatness), I just want to be in the top 5. I'm always battling it out between place 5 and 6 and that irritates me. I deserve to be #5.

So, go do your job. Extra credit for telling me how pretty I am.