Friday, June 13, 2008

Frequently Asked Questions

So I was going to clean out the comment box and finally answer the few questions hanging out in there, but Blogger makes it hard to copy and paste from there. They want me to publish the comment, go search my blog for that post, hit the comments link, and copy and paste from there. That's just too much. So we will make it short and sweet, and I will summarize in my own words:

Did I read somewhere that you make Bento lunches for your kids?

Yes you did. I don't anymore though, I finally realized that I just don't love the kids THAT much. Cutting hotdogs into crab shapes?? Making heart shaped hard boiled eggs?? First of all, both of those things just seem wrong, and gross. Secondly, it doesn't really add up to that much lunch, when you've done all the cute shapes and fit it prettily into a little box. Third, once the other moms and Big Kid's teacher knew I was a good mom, what was even the point?

So yeah, every once in a while I'll cut a sandwich into circles and throw that and a fruit kabob (on a coffee stirrer, so little kid doesn't de-eyeball anyone) into one of those cute little bento boxes I had to have, but mostly, no. I'm just not into it anymore.

(I probably will be again when I need to prove myself to Big Kid's kindy teacher and class.)

I think you're as good as Dooce (ahem), why aren't you making $40,000 a month? Where is your book deal? What can we do to make this happen?

I don't know, obviously. I'm thinking my laziness is probably a big factor. You all are at fault too though, I'm sure. I'm certain ONE OF YOU has some sort of connections or bright idea that you're not coughing up. Don't worry, I'm sure that I'll be Oprah-rich any day now. If not, I might need to come live with one of you, but that should be fun too.

Just curious, but why do you capitalize Big Kid but not little kid? Is there a reason?

It's because I love Big Kid more.

Just kidding. There is no good reason, other than it amuses me. Big Kid is big, so he gets big letters, little kid is little, he gets little letters.

I used to refer to them as The Big Kid and The Little Kid and I'm kind of sorry that the "thes" got lost somewhere along the way because it was funnier that way. But, oh well. They are definitely Big Kid and little kid now and forevermore.

Do you ever post pics of yourself? Dooce does and nothing has ever happened to her.Why don't you use your kids' names? Why so secretive?
(this is a compilation of Frequently Asked Questions. I get this one a lot.)

Yes, I know Dooce posts pictures of herself. Dooce uses her kid's name. Dooce pees Dom Perignon and has a pet unicorn. I've heard all about it.

I'm not necessarily hiding from you all, (because anyone that has hung out on the bargain board for 5 minutes has the sleuthing skills to hunt me down) I'm just trying to keep it so I feel comfortable being so open and honest with you all.

Also, I don't want the kids to be affected socially if it can be avoided. Yes, someone can stumble across their photos and put 2+2 together at any time, but I'm not going to make it any easier than that. I would hate for their teachers or friends to treat them differently for fear of (or in hope of) making it on the blog.

So I try to avoid easily google-able terms (like the name of our city, Mr. Ashley's job, specific places or events) and don't have our photos plastered all over the place. There ARE photos of me on this blog, but usually my face is covered with a camera, or goofy glasses, or whatever. If someone sat down and read every word and recognized me...fine. But I don't want to be easily recognizable to people I went to high school with, or anything like that.

Besides, I think it is kind of fun this way.

I know how badly some of you want to put a name with a face. I also know some of you have kind of stalked me. I hope in being a *little* more open, maybe some of the curiosity will settle down, and people will be understanding of my desire to keep "this" and my "real life" separate. It's really for your own good, and for the good of The Closet.

I've also had a freak or two that thinks they hold some sort of juicy blackmail material over my head, because they have figured out my real name or know my business It's seriously not the end of the world if people were to find out who I am. The Closet is nothing to be ashamed of, just about everyone I know would be fascinated, and one day when I'm on the Bestseller list, you'll all know my last name anyway. So don't be creepy. It's a little bit flattering and a whole lot weird.

So as a special treat tonight for all of you who aren't stalking me in a scary way, and who are curious to put a face with the "voice" I am:


Obviously I am Warhol-ized there, because it lets me keep some anonymity and, honestly, I'm 100x prettier and more glamorous as a piece of iconic art.

Now I am posting this not only to satisfy everyone's wild curiosity, but also to prove to you that I'm totally worthy of your vote for "Hottest Mommy Blogger". Yes, you have to register, but I do hard stuff for you all the time.

Don't just keep on reading, from the happiness of your Google Reader, as if I'm not speaking to you. Get your butt over here and click on that link and vote for me. It's the least you could do.

Yes, I'm talking to you.

I don't even want to win (well I do, but I know I can't compete with such greatness), I just want to be in the top 5. I'm always battling it out between place 5 and 6 and that irritates me. I deserve to be #5.

So, go do your job. Extra credit for telling me how pretty I am.


Anonymous said...

You ARE pretty! Thanks for giving me a face to put with the name, even if it is Warholized!!

Anonymous said...

It's always weird to see someone you think you "know". I voted for you for Hottest Mommy, you're prettier than Dooce ;-)

Also, I'd be freaked about the stalkers. That is weird, who has the time?

Melissa said...

I've been curious as to what you look like! You're very pretty!

Mitch said...

I hope you don't think I'm one of the stalkers just because I've figured out that we live in the same area (many references became familiar to me, ie monkey island at the zoo and local fires). You keep me entertained throughout the day, but yeah, I've got too much going on in my own world to stalk you! (Not saying you thought that, but just in case).

BUT, I have thought about emailing you to do some sunset shots of Ray and Chay. Ironically, I thought you would think it was stalkerish if I did!

Ashley said...

You are very pretty. Do you think Dooce knows about you? How about Maggie Mason? These ladies should at least know there is a Closet. It only seems right.

Unknown said...

No Mitch!! I've had a few people from here find my photography website and I thought that involved a little more sleuthing than was normal.

I'd love to do some pics for you! Coming right out and asking isn't stalkerish and realizing that we live in the same geographical area isn't either ;-)

KatBouska said...'re way prettier than I pictured...I don't know what that means exactly. I remember your mom saying you look like sarah jessica and I don't much think she's that cute. Usually people are a notch down from there celebrity counterparts, so I just figured you were a notch down from someone I already didn't think was that great.

You're WAY pretty. I'm voting now.

Audubon Ron said...

Actually..not scary at all...kinda Hollywood really...but sorry sister, it's your brain thoughts I'm after, your husband can have all the scraps left over. I'm in it for the real brain deal. Tell me, tell me, tell me somth'in goud!

I'M listen'in.

Come hear my song 2, if you please.


Things I May Regret Writing said...

Dear Ashley, you are way prettier than I imagined! I know that sounds awful, but in my head you looked like that blonde woman on your header, so Real Ashley is surprisingly hot and does not look like a mama of 2 at all.

Googling Goddess said...

Ashley, you are SO pretty!!! You should def post more pictures of yourself.

Great questions and better answers. Thanks.

AFRo said...

Girl. You totally called me out of my google reader. I loved it!

I've already voted once for both categories... can we do it more than once on these?

jenn said...

Ashley, you are darling! I've always been curious what you looked like. Thanks for the peek.

Life, Love And Lola said...

Got my magnet and my love. Thanks Ashley!

P.S. you're beautiful!

Joy said...

Well I have never denied loving you kinda stalkerish! But I figure I comment enough on here that you will forgive me.

When I started reading your blog way back when, I tried to go back and catch it from the start but found it overwhelming. I did manage to see a pic of you with your head cut off, and maybe one of you in a mirror showing some pants or something.

BTW glad you shared with us

Rebecca said...

I've tried a few times to "stalk" you and find your photography site. Not really stalk you, but I LOVE your work and want to see more. :( I haven't been able to find it yet though. Maybe I'll get my husband to help me out - he's a computer genius.

Anonymous said...


Did you win that Warhol on PhotoWow?


I Love You! (Not in a weird way!)


Scary Mommy said...

You are so totally hotter than Dooce. And funnier. And because you answered my tag, infinitely cooler.

You got my vote! Screw #6, take it to the top!

Melodie said...

So, once upon a time I was trying to figure out where you live, and my husband asked me if I was stalking you. The answer is, NO, I am not stalking you. But the fact that we both live in south Florida got me curious. For some reason, when I first began reading your blog, I thought you were on the east coast, but once I saw your sunset pictures, I knew you had to be over here on the west coast. They just don't get our beautiful sunsets on the east coast.

Anonymous said...

oh yes, waayyy prettier than Dooce, and much funnier and entertaining, too. (I don't get the big deal w/ that lady.... she's pretty boring)

Anonymous said...

Momma said you can either be smart or pretty. How'd you get both. Lucky Bitch!

Maddness of Me said...

Somehow even from the warholized picture I can tell that BK looks like you.

I can also see why you always wear your hair curly. It does suit you. You would shoot me but I blow my curls out more than I let them fly.

I don't worry about stalkers. But tonight I did find out that my 9 year old step daughter googled herself and found my blog. I was only using a shortened version of her name too.


The vision I had of you was the older sister in Knocked Up. Don't know why.

Marla said...

Okay, so it wouldn't let me comment on the money saving thread. LOL So I'm commenting here. Check out this website. These girls seriously get tons for a little money. I don't have the patience to figure out how to do it though. But, thought that I would pass it on.

Hope that helps.

Slacker Mama said...

Thank you for posting the picture of yourself. I honestly pictured you as the lounging lady with the eyebrows in your header...which was getting disturbing!

Anonymous said...

Big Kid looks just like you!

Lipstick said...

You are gorgeous Ashley-even covered in primary colors! BTW, who is Dooce?

Multislacking Mama said...

You are a beauty, on the inside and out. I heart you.


M said...

Okay, voted!!

Is it bad that it took me four tries to do the stupid captcha thingy??

Kate said...

Ummmm.....I sicko stalkerish loved you before but now I'm also hot for you in a totally lesbo kind of way! WHOOOOAH hot momma!

Outnumbered2to1 said...

I LOVE this post.

Anonymous said...

OH and I can totally assure you all this picture is NEW, not like back a hundred years ago. It was taken at my bachelorette party and if you all are faithful readers you'll know that was just 6 months ago.
xo Catfish

Joy said...

Ok so the PhotoWow comment totally cracked me up, so glad I was around for that craziness.