Big Kid Wants A Pet

Big Kid: Do you memember dat one time we were at da mall, at da pet store in da mall, where all da aminals wiv?

Ashley: Yes.

Big Kid: I dest want to have one of dose aminals for a pet of my own.

Mr. Ashley: No way.

Ashley: What kind of pet were you thinking about?

Big Kid: Maybe one of dose wittle tuwtles in da tank?

Ashley: No, those are gross. They smell bad and they have special germs and if you touch them and then the germs get in your mouth, they'll make you sick. So no way on the turtles.

Big Kid: Maybe a kitten? (looking around, spotting one of our cats) Tangewine wants a kitten.

Ashley: Um, no, she really doesn't. She has Pearl and she barely even lives here anymore now that she's discovered the outdoors. No more cats.

Big Kid: You know what I would weally wike to have? Weally weally a whole whole wot?

Ashley: What?

Mr. Ashley: No!

Big Kid: A guinea pig. Dey have wots of dem at da pet store. Dey are cuuuuuuute....

Ashley: How about a gold fish? You can get your own tank and keep it in your room and everything!

Big Kid: OKAY! Hey, where is Fish? I will go feed him now.

Mr. Ashley: Time for bed, go get your pajamas on.

Big Kid: Awwww, man!


I believe I mentioned it, but Fish died months ago. We have managed to distract Big Kid whenever he has brought it up and hope to continue doing so.

We used to have a fish named Mr. Noodle and when he died we told Big Kid that he was away on Sabbatical in Japan (he was a Japanese Fighting Fish). That worked out well because you say the word "sabbatical" to a 2 year old and their eyes just glaze over. Eventually he totally forgot about it and we're hoping he does the same with Fish.

Can I thank Wonder Pets for introducing the idea of a Guinea Pig? You know those rodents are totally worthless and nothing like Lenny on Wonder Pets. It's false advertising and I don't want a fucking Guinea Pig. Rodents gross me out and reptiles are an ABSOLUTELY NOT GOING TO HAPPEN sort of thing.

I really still want a goat. That's way cooler than a fish PLUS it would help out with the yard work. Maybe the Easter Bunny will bring a baby goat. He's a wild and crazy guy, that Easter Bunny. Also, once the goat gets on the property, it's pretty much a done deal. Kids see it, DONE. No turning back. You're the proud owner of a baby goat right then and there.

I can't control the Easter Bunny.