Vacation update

Tubing was great, the scenery was unbelievably beautiful. I even jumped off of a rope swing twice. Would you believe that I have jumped out of an airplane (willingly) but I was scared as fucking hell to jump off of that tree and swing over the water? A pack of English kids had to talk me into it. I only went after the Big Kid did it twice. It was fun, I refuse to get old dammit.

I also showered outside every single time and it was heaven to sit out there under the stars, smelling honeysuckle nearby and soaping up. Sigh. I want to go back.

A few observations:
-North Florida, way too much inbreeding going on here. Everyone's eyes are way too close together and beady looking or bulging and foreheads are too big. I've also never seen so many fat pale people.

-Rednecks and jean shorts. What is up with this? Why cut offs and not board shorts or swim trunks?? There must be chafing going on and they take forever to dry. I just don't get it.

-Too many kids. We all know that my rule is no more than three and that's only if you didn't get a girl/boy combo with the first two. However, the official ruling on how much is too much is when you can no longer keep track of them. I actually saw a woman lose her 13 month old on the river and then scream at all of her kids that they needed to fend for themselves. She was pissed at the 13 month old, btw. Her kids names were Cheyenne, Timber, Wyatt, Brianna and then there were 3 more. I know this because I heard her scream their names 50 times while I was trying to relax.

That being said, as soon as Mr. Ashley and I dump that fucking rental condo we're going to buy land up there. I WILL have a summer home and there WILL be tubing every summer.

The little kid took his first steps up there. I was so glad Mr. Ashley and I both got to see and it was special that I was huDgely pregnant there this time last year and then he took his first steps there one year later. Awwww. My baby.

Speaking of my baby, I almost left him in a parking lot near Tampa. He cried for 2 hours on the way home. We stopped at Chuck E. Cheese's to wear them out and that did not work. Just so you know, if you let your kids walk up the skee ball ramp to place the balls in the hole and then scream at them when they don't put the ball into the 5,000 point hole...you are ghetto trash and I reserve the right to give you dirty looks and point you out to Mr. Ashley while shaking my head.

So I'm home and I'm glad to be home but I wish I could just live on vacation. My house is a wreck. Today is The Renee's last day here and I want to cry. Last night we went to the Cheesecake Factory and ate such an insane amount I had to unbutton my pants for the ride home. Once she's gone you'll get more of me. I'm off to meet her at the teacher supply store and a farewell lunch.

I will see you all later, I have lots more to say (surprise, surprise, huh?)