My, What a Big Mouth You Have

I'm sitting here looking like Angelina Jolie, minus the sexy plus one bag of drippy ice, because Mr. Ashley thought it would be fun to have the little kid wake me up by giving me a kissy. This would have been fine (other than the waking up part) if the little kid had any concept of physics because he way overestimated on his velocity and slammed his head into my mouth, making my teeth cut my lip.

I can't even drink my morning Coke because my new swollen, throbbing mouth doesn't work with a can. Me not having my morning Coke is NOT pretty, so things better shape up soon.

Speaking of hideous mouths, the Big Kid woke up and came out here with fever blisters on his upper lip. I guess his mouth got a little sunburned this weekend. This is a major bummer for several reasons, but the main one is that I have a family portrait scheduled with my wedding photographer for Friday. A portrait that has been rescheduled three times and shot once (unsatisfactorily). A portrait that she was paid for almost three years ago, as a birthday gift from my mother (best gift ever!). I'm totally embarrassed to call and reschedule, but a family of fat, scabby lips is not how I was wanting us to be immortalized.

So I'm also sad because I won't be shopping for a new portrait outfit. I was either thinking the boys in overalls, no shirts and barefeet with me and Mr. Ashley in jeans and white shirts, or I was thinking a chocolate brown theme, or I was thinking the boys in their matching blue & navy madras (shorts for the Big Kid, overalls for the little kid) with Mr. Ashley in his blue button down and me in a glorious baby blue 50s housewife style dress and I was sure I'd find the perfect one at Loehmann's. So now no excuse to shop at Loehmann's this week. Waaaaaah.

So today is pretty much shaping up into total suckage. Oh, and our television set is dying, a slow painful death. And our white trash tenants in the rental condo broke their dishwasher by putting cigarette butts in it (fucking skanks) and they think there is a big rush to get it fixed. Um, no. Not really.

I know many were interested in the little kid's first night in his room, because they have spoiled August babies too. Did I mention that in a pregnant, hormonal induced rage I demanded really expensive custom made crib bedding...and then the little kid slept in our room every single night? So I figured I had better get him in there before we get to the point of him never, ever sleeping on it. I put him down awake and he seemed amused, but okay with it (we have been doing naps in there). He slept through the night (so rare!) but woke up at 6:15am. I got him and brought him in our room but then he just wanted to party. Usually he wakes up in our room about that time and I take him into his room and he sleeps until 7:30am or 8:00am. So I tried to take him back in his room but he wasn't having it. From what I understand, he screamed until 6:40am when Mr. Ashley finally gave up and got up with him. So I guess it was a success, but I'm not sure if I'd rather wake up once at night for a feeding and then sleep in until later? Or have him in his own room but have to wake up at buttcrack o'dark (unless Mr. Ashley is around, of course)?

I don't know, it all sucks. I'm tired. I just want to go back to bed and wake up with a normal lip and a Big Kid with a normal lip and a certified check for $2 million and a chauffered car and someone to wash my hair. That's all.