Tuesday, June 19, 2007

My, What a Big Mouth You Have

I'm sitting here looking like Angelina Jolie, minus the sexy plus one bag of drippy ice, because Mr. Ashley thought it would be fun to have the little kid wake me up by giving me a kissy. This would have been fine (other than the waking up part) if the little kid had any concept of physics because he way overestimated on his velocity and slammed his head into my mouth, making my teeth cut my lip.

I can't even drink my morning Coke because my new swollen, throbbing mouth doesn't work with a can. Me not having my morning Coke is NOT pretty, so things better shape up soon.

Speaking of hideous mouths, the Big Kid woke up and came out here with fever blisters on his upper lip. I guess his mouth got a little sunburned this weekend. This is a major bummer for several reasons, but the main one is that I have a family portrait scheduled with my wedding photographer for Friday. A portrait that has been rescheduled three times and shot once (unsatisfactorily). A portrait that she was paid for almost three years ago, as a birthday gift from my mother (best gift ever!). I'm totally embarrassed to call and reschedule, but a family of fat, scabby lips is not how I was wanting us to be immortalized.

So I'm also sad because I won't be shopping for a new portrait outfit. I was either thinking the boys in overalls, no shirts and barefeet with me and Mr. Ashley in jeans and white shirts, or I was thinking a chocolate brown theme, or I was thinking the boys in their matching blue & navy madras (shorts for the Big Kid, overalls for the little kid) with Mr. Ashley in his blue button down and me in a glorious baby blue 50s housewife style dress and I was sure I'd find the perfect one at Loehmann's. So now no excuse to shop at Loehmann's this week. Waaaaaah.

So today is pretty much shaping up into total suckage. Oh, and our television set is dying, a slow painful death. And our white trash tenants in the rental condo broke their dishwasher by putting cigarette butts in it (fucking skanks) and they think there is a big rush to get it fixed. Um, no. Not really.

I know many were interested in the little kid's first night in his room, because they have spoiled August babies too. Did I mention that in a pregnant, hormonal induced rage I demanded really expensive custom made crib bedding...and then the little kid slept in our room every single night? So I figured I had better get him in there before we get to the point of him never, ever sleeping on it. I put him down awake and he seemed amused, but okay with it (we have been doing naps in there). He slept through the night (so rare!) but woke up at 6:15am. I got him and brought him in our room but then he just wanted to party. Usually he wakes up in our room about that time and I take him into his room and he sleeps until 7:30am or 8:00am. So I tried to take him back in his room but he wasn't having it. From what I understand, he screamed until 6:40am when Mr. Ashley finally gave up and got up with him. So I guess it was a success, but I'm not sure if I'd rather wake up once at night for a feeding and then sleep in until later? Or have him in his own room but have to wake up at buttcrack o'dark (unless Mr. Ashley is around, of course)?

I don't know, it all sucks. I'm tired. I just want to go back to bed and wake up with a normal lip and a Big Kid with a normal lip and a certified check for $2 million and a chauffered car and someone to wash my hair. That's all.


Monogram Momma said...

Okay. Believe it or not, I can actually help you with these things.

1) Do not re-schedule the photo. Keep it and continue to ice the hell out of everyone's mouths. I promise you they can photoshop anything, including taking your mouth from one of your wedding pictures and putting onto this week's family portrait. It is not, i repeat NOT a lost cause this week.

2) when family portraits are involved, you are always best to all wear solids and similar or same colors. Your two options are great, but offer different styles. The jeans look is definitely very casual, but I love the 50's housewife dress idea and the other coordinating outfits. It will be dressier and more versatile for framing, and likely something you are not going to tire of. Very classic preppy. That's just my 2 cents. Oh, and don't forget your pearls.

3) Keep the little kid in his own room. Let's say he goes to sleep at 8pm every night. Go in there around 10 or 11, before going to bed yourself and do a "dream feed." this is where you quietly lift him out of his crib, feed him while he's still sleeping, then put him right back in his bed and run out the door. He's plenty old enough where he doesn't even need that feeding, but it's just become habit, but it might get him to sleep a little more in the morning for you. Go buy "Secrets of the baby Whisperer" and I swear she will solve your sleeping and napping issues. Or just email me.

P,S, Don't email me right this minute though b/c I'm going to take a nap.

Head Hen said...

Definitely go with lighter colors (the jeans/white shirt idea). If you are all in darks (the chocolate browns) then you'll look like a group of heads bobbing about without bodies!

Hope your lip is better soon (I've had a few of those myself) . Talk about pissed off!

Burrus Boys said...

I have absolutely NO advice on the portraiture because...OH YEAH!! I have like 40,000 kids and the chances of getting any shot where at least one person isn't looking like an extra from Texas Chainsaw Massacre is roughly nil. Good luck with that. I agree with the photoshop advice as my husband actually photoshopped my best friend's head from one picture onto her body in another (because she looked great in one, and the rest of us looked good in the other). That can work, too.

Best wishes on a perfect portrait and on the $2 million as well. I'm sorry to say that your chances for one are about as good as the other. Don't you love having such an optimistic person leave you comments? ;)