I always hated those people that had kids and then got rid of their pets. How rotten, I thought, I would never. I still would never, but boy do I want to some days. Unfortunately for them, my pets have gotten a lot more annoying since I've had kids. Before they were "quirky". They were "my babies." Now they're just stinking, mess making, demanding roommates that contribute nothing and that I can't evict.
Two dogs and two cats and two kids is just too much. I have recently moved the cats' food bowl and one cat hasn't eaten in three days. Tangerine, that little bitch. She will only accept one brand of litter and only drinks from the faucet and I'm just not losing this war with the food bowl. Pearl is reluctant, but she's not going to starve over it. Tangerine just might.
Pearl's not so bad. She has an unnatural affinity for the smell of bleach and she is involved in a passionate love affair with our ladder, but she's easy to live with.
Heidi Louise the Dachshund is sitting here staring at me and salivating over a plate of half eaten plate of mac and cheese I have in front of me on the coffee table. If I turn my back for one second, she will jump up and eat it shamelessly. She also pees where she wants and poops on the front sidewalk. Not cool. She's 12 and that's her excuse, but she's been doing it as long as I can remember.
Lily is a big, hairy, white German Shepherd and she stinks and she's always in my way and she was a "gift" from my mother in law. Enough said.
Speaking of animals, Those damn kids kept me busy today. The little kid was trying to play with the Big Kid while he was riding a little car thing around and got his fingers ran over. As I comforted the little kid, the Big Kid went running into the little kid's room and slammed the door (They both are always going into each other's rooms and shutting the door, I thought I'd have a few years before the sibling fights started??). I took the little kid in there and asked the Big Kid to apologize:
Ashley: Big Kid, do you want to tell Little Kid that it was an accident and that you are sorry.
Big Kid: NOOOO! I am NOT Sowwy. I will NOT say it.
Ashley: Just tell him you will be more careful next time.
Big Kid: Mudder, No! He was fweaking me out. The little kid was fweaking me out, touching my car and all dose stuffs and I don't need to tell him sowwy.
Ashley: Did you just say he was freaking you out? (snorting in my effort not to laugh)
Big Kid: Yes, he WAS fweaking me out and it is not dunny. It is not dunny at all dis time, otay mommy?
Ashley: Yeah, otay. (snicker, snicker)
Big Kid: I told you, not dunny.
So I will confess sometimes when I'm begging him for some personal space and he's demanding to know "Whhhhhhy" I need it for the 40th time, I have maybe told him "because I'm freaking out". There's no reason to share one cushion of the couch and have his dirty little feet kicking me all over. I love a good snuggle session, but it shouldn't ever involve his feet and my face.
Would you believe that stupid fucktard of a cat is whining at me for her food?? IT IS FOUR FEET TO YOUR RIGHT, ASSHAT. I HAVE SHOWN YOU 8 DIFFERENT TIMES. That one won't run away either....I've left the door open for her on more than one occasion. Because I wouldn't give my pets away, but if they were to run away on their on free will...what could I do?