So today we went on the boat with our friends (even though The Weather Channel predicted 60% chance of rain and the doppler looked like the whole state was going to be flooded, screw you weather guy!) and as we were getting situated I debated putting the Extra Mother Fucking Large Tote Bag (or The EMFLTB from here on out, because that's so much easier) on the floor of the boat because it takes up so much room on the seat. LK pointed out that I didn't want to risk it getting wet since my camera was in there and that there is always the rogue wave. (It was a great usage of the word rogue, in my opinion and it stuck with me) I reluctantly let the EMFLTB block my view and prohibit me from putting me feet up on the seat.
Sure enough, we're cruising along, maxin' and relaxin' (I have no idea what that means but in my case it means sitting in the back of the boat under the bimini top with the little kid on my lap sitting in a rigid upright position like a stuffed potato due to his life vest and with my arm around the big kid who makes me make a tent out of a towel to protect him from the wind, and with the EMFLTB blocking my view of the front) when we see this huDge wave from the wake of a boat up ahead. I mean ginormous, bigger than any one I've ever seen before. We knew we were going to hit it hard and we did...in slooooooooow motion. The boat dipped way down in front and then reared upwards. I saw Mr. LK jump up and turn around to avoid being hit full in the face and the wave was up over his head. Right then I realized, my camera was in the EMFLTB and it was about to get wet. My Nikon D50, which has a place on my Top 5 Loves of My Life list and it isn't number 5.
I had a Sophie's Choice sort of moment....the little kid or the camera? It wasn't a conscious thought, just a realization that both couldn't be 100% protected and one was wearing a life vest. Luckily that whole maternal instinct thing kicked in and I tightened up my grip on the little kid...but one hand disobeyed and darted out to the EMFLTB. You know how when you were a kid and your mom would slam her hand across your chest whenever she slammed on the brakes? It was kind of like that, I couldn't help it. I had to try to save them both. The wave washed full force over all of us and out the back of the boat.
There was one minute of shocked silence among all of us as we looked down to see 8 inches of water covering the bottom of our deck boat and flip flops and beach toys floating around and hitting us in the shins. LK and I starting asking if we were going to sink and squealing about my camera and her cell phone, which got Emawee (The Big Kid's girlfriend) shrieking that her leg was wet. The Big Kid barely noticed and the little kid hardly woke up. All of us and everything on the boat was soaked. It did eventually drain and we did not sink, and went on to have an absolutely gorgeous day. My camera was damp but appears fine. I wouldn't know since the battery wasn't charged and I couldn't use it anyway (stupid ass).
While we were there, I was sitting in the water with the little kid and I picked up a shark tooth! That was pretty cool, I've lived here my whole life and never found one. The weather was perfect. The Big Kid acted like a jerk, but we just ignored him. There were like 3 other people on the whole island and they weren't even within shouting distance. The dead turtle was still there but all spray painted up?? At first we thought there was some Sea Turtle corpse graffiti artist but now I am thinking it was some sort of official thing. They could've dragged the body off though, it's a little depressing to go on a walk and see it there. I also saw one dead seagull and a bird head, beak and everything! Everything but the body. Maybe you're lucky my camera battery wasn't charged...
Honestly though... Rogue waves & expired/spray-painted sea turtles aside-it was an absolutely beautiful day on our private little island & I can't wait to try those margarita snow cones you're going to make for us! Until next Saturday...
Just you wait...I WILL figure out snow cone margaritas. Screw the kids, that snow cone machine is for US US US.
Poor turtle...I was with you gasping with dismay at the thought of such a thing as a sea turtle graffiti artist! lmao!!! If you would have said it had a peace sign on it I would have believed you.
I think the shark tooth sounds very cool and think little guy should have it made into a necklace.
Sounds like you enjoyed a wonderful day and as always I wished I was there...if only to have someone who cared about the safety and dryness of your children. God bless your camera.
Wow - that was some rogue wave, wasn't it? I wonder if the Sea Turtle corpse will still be there when I arrive....on July 4!! Woo hoo.
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