Dear Madonna,

Perhaps it hasn't come to your attention that your daughter looks like a muppet monster with those eyebrows. Please allow me to present you the evidence:

Lourdes: Your Daughter

Muppets: No relation to you or humans

Now I know sometimes the mommy goggles can get fogged up, but surely you've noticed?

And hey, I'm all for loving yourself and embracing your Italian heritage and all...but I've seen chimps with less hair on their face.

She's a lovely girl (otherwise). There ain't no shame in a little wax, girlfriend, or better yet electrolysis. She's old enough, it's minor enough...get it done.

Trust me on this one.

Quite Frankly,
Ashley

P.S. Get the upper lip too, k?thxbai