The Library Police Are Here

I try not to pick on the anonymous commenters too much anymore because I'm afraid they either enjoy the attention too much (remember the troll incident? Yeah, me too) or that it will discourage other commenters, and I really do enjoy each and every comment, even if it wasn't meant to be enjoyed.

But, this one I had to share, because I'm pretty sure that Carmen the Library Nazi has tracked me down and is in the closet with us right here and now:


Anonymous said...Wow, what a bunch of absolutely inane comments regarding libraries and library employees. It’s interesting how people could care less about how they treat property borrowed from a library, as if it’s their god given right to do with it what they please. When you rent a DVD from any rental chain, you have to give a credit card number. If you don’t return it, you get charged. How are libraries any different? Oh, that’s right, you don’t get charged to borrow things! Library employees may seem “suspicious” because they deal with people who “could give a shit” (brilliant Jenn!) and return things whenever they please, in whatever condition they please. You’d think the library would be the last place you’d see the worst of people, but it’s an institution that get’s abused more than any, because people take it for granted that they have access to an amazing amount of information for FREE (besides your hard earned tax dollars, that is). It is hilarious how you can all spend so much time writing about being “screwed” by your local library, as if it’s out to get you. The only thing a library expects of you is to return (in a reasonable amount of time) what you’ve borrowed in the same shape it was in when you borrowed it. Wow, that’s really tough…
*snicker*

Okay Carmen, we can go over it one more time. But that's it. Because I'm done with you and your library and your ridiculous way of assessing fees and the complete lack of justice or protection from library nazis such as yourself.

The first time you accused me of damaged books, they went into your library drop box dry. How they got wet by the time you received them the next morning is beyond me. Perhaps it was because it was September and monsoon raining all month, perhaps a kid poured a water bottle down there, whatever. My point is, don't treat me like a criminal right off the bat. Then don't give me dirty looks and inspect each page of each book every time you see me thereafter. I did the right thing by paying for the books you and I went around around about (and you wouldn't even let me keep the books, you threw them away. I never even SAW these wet books. Bitch.). I put Donation on the check's memo line which further pissed you off, but it was fun for me, so there.

Second time, little kid ripped a book, I paid for it. Promptly and sheepishly, at a branch your mean ass isn't employed at.

This last time, someone drew in black pen on the Giving Tree before I ever got it, but I got it from another branch and the librarian wasn't as hypervigilant as yourself and wasn't waiting for me to fuck up again. I'm not paying for that one. I'm also not arguing with you about it because I know that you are evil and that the library will side with you. Screw them, my friends will lend my books (knowing full well that my new puppy might pee on them, and I'll replace those too).

You not allowing me to renew the other books I already had out until I paid for this book that I did not damage put us all in a predicament. You decided I should pay the entire purchase prices for these books, which I hadn't even finished reading, so I decided I may as well keep them until I read them.

At which point I will return them and be DONE WITH YOU FOREVER.
(under that particular library card at that particular branch)

It is a scientific fact that there are two types of librarians: really cool, smart, sweet ones that love books and crazy, neurotic asshats that need to control everyone and everything and ruin the library experience for everyone. You, my friend, are clearly one of the asshats.

You need my late fees more than I need your guilt, abuse, and extortion attempts, so this is goodbye. I mean it.

From now on I'm making Mr. Ashley do all of my library related tasks, on his card.

So there.