Thursday, May 22, 2008

The Library Police Are Here

I try not to pick on the anonymous commenters too much anymore because I'm afraid they either enjoy the attention too much (remember the troll incident? Yeah, me too) or that it will discourage other commenters, and I really do enjoy each and every comment, even if it wasn't meant to be enjoyed.

But, this one I had to share, because I'm pretty sure that Carmen the Library Nazi has tracked me down and is in the closet with us right here and now:

Anonymous said...Wow, what a bunch of absolutely inane comments regarding libraries and library employees. It’s interesting how people could care less about how they treat property borrowed from a library, as if it’s their god given right to do with it what they please. When you rent a DVD from any rental chain, you have to give a credit card number. If you don’t return it, you get charged. How are libraries any different? Oh, that’s right, you don’t get charged to borrow things! Library employees may seem “suspicious” because they deal with people who “could give a shit” (brilliant Jenn!) and return things whenever they please, in whatever condition they please. You’d think the library would be the last place you’d see the worst of people, but it’s an institution that get’s abused more than any, because people take it for granted that they have access to an amazing amount of information for FREE (besides your hard earned tax dollars, that is). It is hilarious how you can all spend so much time writing about being “screwed” by your local library, as if it’s out to get you. The only thing a library expects of you is to return (in a reasonable amount of time) what you’ve borrowed in the same shape it was in when you borrowed it. Wow, that’s really tough…

Okay Carmen, we can go over it one more time. But that's it. Because I'm done with you and your library and your ridiculous way of assessing fees and the complete lack of justice or protection from library nazis such as yourself.

The first time you accused me of damaged books, they went into your library drop box dry. How they got wet by the time you received them the next morning is beyond me. Perhaps it was because it was September and monsoon raining all month, perhaps a kid poured a water bottle down there, whatever. My point is, don't treat me like a criminal right off the bat. Then don't give me dirty looks and inspect each page of each book every time you see me thereafter. I did the right thing by paying for the books you and I went around around about (and you wouldn't even let me keep the books, you threw them away. I never even SAW these wet books. Bitch.). I put Donation on the check's memo line which further pissed you off, but it was fun for me, so there.

Second time, little kid ripped a book, I paid for it. Promptly and sheepishly, at a branch your mean ass isn't employed at.

This last time, someone drew in black pen on the Giving Tree before I ever got it, but I got it from another branch and the librarian wasn't as hypervigilant as yourself and wasn't waiting for me to fuck up again. I'm not paying for that one. I'm also not arguing with you about it because I know that you are evil and that the library will side with you. Screw them, my friends will lend my books (knowing full well that my new puppy might pee on them, and I'll replace those too).

You not allowing me to renew the other books I already had out until I paid for this book that I did not damage put us all in a predicament. You decided I should pay the entire purchase prices for these books, which I hadn't even finished reading, so I decided I may as well keep them until I read them.

At which point I will return them and be DONE WITH YOU FOREVER.
(under that particular library card at that particular branch)

It is a scientific fact that there are two types of librarians: really cool, smart, sweet ones that love books and crazy, neurotic asshats that need to control everyone and everything and ruin the library experience for everyone. You, my friend, are clearly one of the asshats.

You need my late fees more than I need your guilt, abuse, and extortion attempts, so this is goodbye. I mean it.

From now on I'm making Mr. Ashley do all of my library related tasks, on his card.

So there.


Life, Love And Lola said...


The Newspaper Police tracked me down earlier this week.

the mom said...

give her hell Ashley!

Anonymous said...

Okay, since you have become somewhat of an expert on library procedure, can you please advise me......
Say one borrows a couple books and a movie....and say one forgets about them. Then, after spring cleaning, one were to find these things about two years later. What would one do?

1)return to the library after dark and never go back.
2)return to library and pay the, I'm sure, hefty fines.
3)never return the books to the library, hope they forgot what I look like and get another card in kid's name.

What would you do?

Maggie said...

I'm usually sympathetic, Ashley, but not on this one. Sorry. If you don't like the library, don't use it. The policies were developed because of past abuse. There are other ways of getting access to books and media, so use them instead. Of course they will cost you even more. Good luck from a not-anonymous former library employee.

jenn said...

Wow. The Library Police are HARSH. Her comment made me stop and re-think...oh, nope, still don't give a shit.

Unknown said...

How do people with no sense of humor even find themselves here?


I would think I would make them crazy on a daily basis, not sure how they stand it.

Unknown said...

Oh and Val, I'd return them and pay for it, if you don't want to be forced of utilizing other ways of getting your media, such as I now am (willingly and happily) doing.

My general rule is if I've truly done something wrong, I do pay for it. They'll only make you pay the full price and probably won't be a-holes like the library employees that hang out around here.

Anonymous said...

I wouldn't pay for a book I didn't ruin either. I'm enjoying the tards who feel the need to lecture you on proper library usage.

I'm sure your ashamed Ashley,you should be.

(Anonymous out of laziness)

Anonymous said...

Oh Lawd.. Such literary vigilance in the closet today.

Kate said...

I am my own library - I've got over 200 books (yes, I've read them all - at least once) because for me, its easier to buy a new book, sneak it into the house, attempt to make new book look old to avoid lecture from husband than to go pay the $25 to join our library because our city is whack and says I'm not actually part of the city so I don't get to use the library for free.

Bad part is, I have no reading material and no money so now I'm really screwed!!!

Anonymous said...

I agree with Maggie on this. She said it best.

Anonymous said...

LMAO!! People really don't get the joke? Did I miss where you asked for sympathy?

Remove stick from ass library lovers.

Another Jenn

Anonymous said...

I love this blog & even your commenters are hilarious & I visit their blogs too!
I have to say though, it's too bad that someone can't respectfully have a different opinion than Ashley without being jumped on.
It's not just about having a sense of humor.
Or if it is then EVERYONE should lighten up, including those who want sticks out of asses!
Ashley's not made of sugar, she won't melt from a reasonable & polite disagreement & y'all ALL know she can take care of herself. ;)
And no, I have not previously posted about this issue, as I know she can tell by the IPs.

Unknown said...

People disagree with me here all of the time, Anonymous.

And if you think I'm tracking IPs to see if you're one of them, you're either overestimating the amount of time I spend on this stuff or underestimating the work involved with tracking 2000 IP addresses daily.

People are also allowed to disagree with those who disagree, especially if they choose to share their disagreement in an amusing or annoying way.

What is so amusing about this (IMO) is that I'm CLEARLY kidding about my library issues. Anyone who has read three posts here "gets" this about me. So people taking the time to comment and tell me how terrible my library behavior is, or point out that I just shouldn't use the library (when I've come to that realization on my own), is just funny.

Of all of the offensive opinions I express here, people actually take the time to get riled up over the fact that I refuse to pay for a book I didn't draw in?

Don't get me wrong, a comment is a comment and I appreciate them all, but someone thinking that someone's opinion is silly is allowed to share that without it being called "jumped on". Someone disagreeing with something being disagreed over, isn't an attack.

Just like I'm not sugar, neither are the anonymous opinion sharers. If you come to someone's personal blog and comment on their behavior, you may get comments in return. It works like that all over the Blogosphere, not just in the closet.

KatBouska said...

"You’d think the library would be the last place you’d see the worst of people, but it’s an institution that get’s abused more than any"


The worst of people??

At the library???

Note to self:

Worst of people = murderers? check.
rapists? Check.
druglords? debatable.
Child molesters? Check.
library taker-advantagers? Double check.

Thanks for clearing that up.

Anonymous said...

Well said Ashley. It's all so silly!!

It seems that the annoying commenters always show up in clumps, making me think it is the same person. You go a good long stretch without any asshattery and then BANG, this place is full of it.

Just something I've noticed.

Jason said...

See Ashley......the government can screw up anything...even libraries.

These people can't even be polite and courteous in a setting like a library. There is no way I'd turn over anything really important to them other than national defense.

You give those library nazis hell. You should just drop Little Kid off in there butt naked after giving him a bunch of food/drink and a sharpie.

Freaking library nazis....I had a similar problem to yours many years ago.....never returned to the library.

Cristin said...

I could give a shit about the argument here... but am loving the word 'asshat' ... thanks for that.

KelsyC said...

Ha ha ha! That was quite a good laugh.

Anonymous said...

I totally agree that I think one asshat is bringing in the rest of them to make rude comments b/c if you KNEW Ashley, you'd know that she's a bit sarcastic and humorous--you have to learn to laugh at life and yourself.

To those backing the librarian:

First of all, people, lighten up!

Secondly, I find it ironic that you don't leave room for the remote possibility that Carmen the library Nazi was absolutely wrong about the fines she imposed on Ashley and that she truly is a biatch that is watching Ashley like a hawk looking for any and every reason to fine her. I'm sure many librarians are wonderful and helpful, but that doesn't mean they all are! Can't you for one second think that there might be one (or 1,000) bad ones out there..hmmmm --Do you hold teachers and priests in the same high regard--even though we see on the news every day that they can be child predators and molestors! Sure, the majority of them are wonderful and love children in the most innocent of ways, but come on, that doens't mean they're all saints! I applaud those of you who work hard in the library (schools, churches, etc) and are all fired up about this, but Ashley has been known for her downright honesty and there's no reason to assume she's not dead on about this one, too.

Lighten up!! Oh and GO AWAY! You don't like the closet and you don't like Ashley, then just leave. No one is making you read!

Anonymous said...

I have a pretty dreadful library story. About 5 years ago(I'm still traumatized)I took out four children's music cds from the library. My son was a baby and I kept the cds in the car for him to listen to. I probably had them for about 3 weeks. When it came time for me to return them, I realized that they weren't in my car anymore. I then realized that I knew exactly what happened to them. I put them in to a plastic supermarket bag because I was being organized and wanted to keep them together so I didn't lose them. At some point, my husband or myself, cleaned out the car and threw them away, thinking that it was a bad of garbage. To make a long story short, the librarians almost fell over when I told them this story. You would have thought that I killed someone, the way that they were looking at me. Please keep in mind that these cds were so old and beat up that the cases that they were in, were being held together with rubber bands. They checked their little computers to see how much I owe them. The grand total was $80! They were charging me the cost of them as if they were new plus some kind of other fee. They were so appalled that I could have threw out their precious cds. I actually asked them if they were going to call the police.

Kira said...

I'm tempted to post annonymously so that the library po-pos don't find ME. I still have a book... Or 8... that need to be returned. However, I'll take my chances. When will people understand that none of this shit matters? Hey Camen, unless that book came out of YOUR PAYCHECK, let it go! Why so personal? Books are not love!

Hey Ashley, mebbe you can form your own library? We can all donate books, and people can borrow them and return them whenever/if ever they feel like it. Keep the pee-pee ones. We'll show the corporate library world who's boss! Lol.

Melodie said...

You should move to my neighborhood. My librarian is a cool old guy. I racked up some late fees, and then went in to return the books and gave him some lame excuse and told him how sorry I was, and he just erased my late fees. Like MAGIC!
Of course, I totally agree that you should NOT pay for a book that you did not damage. It's simply the principle of the thing. I think that Carmen KNOWS you didn't damage the book, but because she hates you so much, she's just looking for any reason to charge you for something. Even if the charge was only a dollar, I wouldn't give in on this matter. It's like admitting that you are truly a liar and were just making up the story about you not being resposible for the book damage. NOBODY gets away with calling me a liar, and you shouldn't have to put up with it either.

Maddness of Me said...

The anonymous comment that people use items at the library for free is TOTAL crap.

Last time I checked, the local Blockbuster isn't paid for by my HARD EARNED tax money.

Part of your millage (taxes) goes to your local library. IF the taxpayers see fit to even have a library.

So, these bitches actually work for us.

And I totally agree with Kathy. "where you see the worst of people"... oh come on.

Anonymous said...

No, the original anonymous post wasn’t from Carmen, just from a random library worker that stumbled on your blog and decided to leave a comment. Although, that Carmen person sounds nuts… She probably tracks your every move. I bet she’s hiding outside your house, just waiting to see what you do next with your library materials (insert maniacal laughter).

You are all right, I was taking myself too seriously yesterday morning. Thanks for calling me out on it. I think we’re all guilty of having bad days at work (not enough coffee), where we think the whole world revolves around our petty little daily distress. So, thanks everyone for your great replies. I’m really glad I returned to read them. “Worst in people,” man, I really must not have slept well the night before…

I guess my point was, that libraries are not out to get you. It’s a simple system that is centuries old. Borrow something, return it. You are all absolutely right that it’s usually funded by tax dollars from the federal, county and city levels (so you are paying for it!). Unfortunately, that’s really why libraries have had to get stricter about collecting on bills. Tax payers have demanded it. It’s really not a fun part of the job, and ruins the whole utopian fantasy all us librarians live in (I know, boo hoo for us).

I work in a small town library where we don’t charge late fees. We lost $33,000 dollars just last year in items that were never returned (the town population is only 14,000 people for crying out loud!). That’s more than I make in a year (I hear the snickers). I guess I get a little disheartened by the whole thing at times. What I sometimes forget is, for the most part, people do return stuff. It’s amazing how well the lending system has worked for so long. So, thanks everyone.

Val, most libraries have a couple of “amnesty” days a year where you can turn in stuff and the fees are waived. Or, just go talk to your library staff. We’re actually nice people and just want the silly stuff back so we can lend it out again. Ok, we’re not all nice. Some of us are neurotic nut cases (what you’re all probably thinking of me). Working at a library is just a customer service job. For anyone that’s worked customer service, it’s sometimes easy to get pessimistic about people because you only remember the annoying ones. For the most part, it’s a really fun job and people are great.

Thanks again for making light of my over serious rant yesterday. Who the hell coined the term “asshattery?” That’s fantastic! Can I borrow it? I promise to give it back when I’m done…

Thanks, James Dylan

Jaime said...

Unfortunately, most public librarians are a little bit insane. I say this because I am an academic librarian, where they are also insane, but with exception (namely: myself and my friends). My theory is that a vastly disproportionate amount of librarians fall somewhere on the autism spectrum, but that's neither here nor there. The point is, libraries pretty much get screwed for money to buy things (unless you live in like Greenwich CT where they have millions to buy new movies) and when you pay your replacement fee, it usually goes to the TOWN and not the LIBRARY. That sucks. So, if you lose a cd, chances are they aren't ever going to have the CD again, therefore freaking out ensues. Add the freaking out to the already sort of crazy asbergers syndrome suffering OCD library staff, and, yeah. Not good.

Ashley, you should go talk to the library director. Chances are that library person is the "crazy" one. I bet you get your money back.

FWIW, we don't even charge fines. It pays to be a state agency.

Multislacking Mama said...

What the fuck is all of this library shit? Total waste of Ashley time and I'm really kind of pissed that she could have been talking about something else and she had to expend her creative energy on this.


jenn said...

Wow. I give you serious props for your last comment. I love that you own up to taking yourself a bit too seriously on your first comment. So let me clear up my "don't give a shit" comment.

1. I love me some library. LOVE. I've even been known to take homemade cookies to the librarians.

2. I donate books and $ every year to my local library. They lost 24,000 books in a flood about a decade ago and are still rebuilding their catalog.

3. knew that was coming, right? I'm known as a chronically late book returner (usually in the week - two week realm). I should care more. I should want to rearrange my schedule to get them back the day they're due. I don't. Call it a character flaw because I don't see it changing any time soon. But I always get them back and pay the fines...eventually.

So, like you, I'm not an asshole. Just an extremely sarcastic, fairly disorganized mom who does the best she can while choosing not to sweat all the small stuff.


Anonymous said...

Well said, Jenn. You know, librarians are some of the worst offenders when it comes to returning things late... Great comments from Jaime too, and, unfortunately, true. Ok, I am going to, as one commenter suggested, “go away.” Thanks again for the discussion. I won’t do any more sleep deprived mad random blog commenting… James Dylan