Sunday, May 25, 2008

List of Complaints

1. I didn't choose this potty training business. Yeah, it's great that he wants to do this but I don't feel like chasing him around, hanging out in the bathroom, fighting about stickers and lollies and washing things that have been peed on.

He pooped in a cowboy hat yesterday.

No, I'm not kidding.

2. Big Kid has been talking for two weeks straight. Oh. My. God. I love, cherish, and adore him, but I wish he could spend more time BEING QUIET. And for the love of all things holy, NO MORE BABY EINSTEINS. DAMN. It has to be THE. MOST. BORING. SUBJECT. EVER. I know that's rude of me, but I don't even care. If I have to hear about that fucking goat one more time, I'm just going to flip the fuck out on someone.

Also, I never thought I'd have to ban the alphabet, but I'm seriously considering it. Forwards, backwards, written, sang, physical recreations of, lists including, it just does not stop. This has been basically going on in one way or another since he was about 18 months old. It's an obsession, and it's great, but there's only so much a person can take.

3. I am sick. I know, of all weekends to get sick! I have a sore throat and itchy ears and sinus congestion brewing. Friday night I went to bed as soon as I put Big Kid to bed (8:30pm). I stayed awake long enough to watch Evan Almighty, which was super cute, but I just felt exhausted. Last night I just camped out in bed all night with my laptop (that was nice).

4. House is a mess. More so than usual. Keeping little kid alive and from killing anything, full time with no assistance, leaves very little time for accomplishing much of anything. I have almost completely caught up on laundry, which is unheard of around here, but it hasn't been put away, so I don't feel good about that yet. I still have some to fold too. A lot to fold.

And there are toys everywhere, and a bag of rubberbands has been scattered about and the monkeys from a barrel of monkeys are all over my damn family room. I just do not want to have to deal with all of that.

5. I put little kid down for a nap at 11am and he's in there awake now at 12:15pm. This is not enough time. He's in there in a diaper, undies, and pants, but that will take him no time at all to get out of and he absolutely will pee or poop on something as revenge. Damn it, he's calling for me. I'm hissing at Big Kid to be absolutely silent and hitting the keys as softly as possible. I know he's not going to give up.

6. I have had to get up early so many days in a row I can't even count. If I get up early, around 4pmish I am Totally Done. Apparently, if I get up early a lot of days in a row, I become Totally Done earlier in the day. I was Totally Done around 9amish today.

Damn, damn, damn, damn, he's awake.

I was going to take them outside for a water balloon fight just because pelting them with water balloons was the closest thing to child abuse without breaking the law that I could think of. They will probably like it, I could use the stress reducing factor, and it might wear them out a little.

However, I am not ready to do that now.

(Big Kid has talked or whispered the ENTIRE TIME I tried to type this. I can't even think)


clemsongirlandthecoach said...

I don't call myself an expert with regard to many subjects. But managing the minis solo? I have a friggin' post Doc. I've been at that point so many times it's absurd.

You're clearly gonna blow. Screw the budget and all health concerns this instant. Throw them in the car and head to one of the following:

1. some loud ass pizza joint with games and a front door they can't escape from.

2. ice cream place

3. movie if little kid can possibly handle it.

Focus on just keeping the little terds happy and alive until on hour past the normal bedtime, then let them conk out.

I promise, it will be the worst 4 hours of your life, but you will make it.

:) Best wishes!

sunny-daze said...

You know you'll be happy when the whole potty training thing is over. It sucks right now, but it's worth it.

Anonymous said...

My heart goes out to you...I know how you feel! Try not to beat them too hard(just kidding, just kidding)!

Lipstick said...

Poor Ashley! You need a spa day or at least a day just to hide in the Closet.

Life, Love And Lola said...

At least he POOPED in the hat. That's a start. Right?

Anonymous said...

Ugh! I totally know how you feel. I'll trade you mine for yours......

Mrs. Schmitty said...

Okay, the cowboy hat thing? I almost spit my drink at my computer screen.

Anonymous said...

Oh my, pooped in a cowboy hat...Loved..Loved reading your blog. I will be back!

Anonymous said...

Call your parents. Tell them their grandkids miss them and you're bringing them over. Then call Mr. Ashley and tell him he can pick your kids up at the grandparents on his way back into town.

When you get back home, just sleep!

Anonymous said...

A visit to Grandma's house seems to be in order. :) May sanity be with you. :)

Emmy said...

I'm no help at all, but part of Evan Almighty was filmed near me. I'm good for useless comments...see!

Fishy Busyness said...

I'm with Clemsongirl (and I, too, know waaaay too much of what I speak). It's gut-check time. Suck it up and just get through the next few hours. It.Will.End. Then go to bed. I don't care how nice it seems to be in the quiet by yourself. Go to bed immediately. You will need all your strength for tomorrow. I also find wine, cheese and chocolate to be fortifying.

Cristin said...

kids suck.

Samantha said...

"He pooped in a cowboy hat yesterday."

Thanks, that even made my grumpy ass DH laugh.

Multislacking Mama said...

This weekend sucked a million assholes for me, too. Along with the same sinus/allergies as you did, I had a tantruming/sick LLM. Thank God we are not PTing because I would have lost my effing mind.

My BLM also has daria of the mouth. (Yes, that is spelled that way on purpose because I hate the D word so much). She does that same shit with numbers as BK does with the alphabet. It is annoying and it makes me want to give her away or open the front door and just let her out.

Hope you feel better soon,

Mel said...

Ugh! I was reading this and imagining you getting ready to rip your hair out and run down the street screaming. Isn't it funny when people ask stay at home mothers if they are thinking about going back to work. Ha. HA. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! MUAHAHAHAHAHA! Yeah, it makes me want to smack them. At least my husband knows what's up. He tells everyone that I am a CEO. (With a hell of a lot less pay!)

YeahYeah said...

I love your complaint list!!! Awesome. I wish I could just say things like that.. I'm a little scared that some might think I'm crazy. nice to know I'm not the only one who feels that way sometimes.

ps... you really wear jammies all the time? lol Awesome!