Saturday, May 10, 2008

You'll NEVER Believe This...

I think I told you all that last time I was at my hairdresser's, her gay co-worker (who I want to marry) loaned me a book on Catherine DeMedici.

It was a book I couldn't find on Amazon because it was older, so I was excited to get it.

I started reading it the other night in bed, and set it on the floor when I went to turn off the lamp (Not sure why I didn't put it on the nightstand, but hindsight is 20/20).

MURPHY PEED ON THIS BOOK.

Shit.

This does not look good. I hesitated to even tell you all since my library infractions reduce my credibility as far as damaged books go (I've been framed, most of the time).

WTF am I going to do?

Say "Sorry my dog peed on your book"?

Try to find a new one? He signed the inside too, so it's not even like I could try to pass it off as his book. If I could even find another one.

It is so embarrassing. If my hairdresser wasn't my soul mate, I would probably just find a new hairdresser so I wouldn't have to see him again. But that's not an option.

Also, did you all recommend "The Handmaid's Tale"? It was either you all or Babycenter's book club. If you recommended this book...WHY?

Ugh. It's so not my type of book. It was mildly interesting, but not satisfying AT ALL. I can't believe I wasted kid-free time, or time I could've been reading about Catherine DeMedici without the accompanying smell of dog piss, on that book. It was a quick read, but I'm ticked I actually purchased it and took the time.

Not a good weekend for books around here.

10 comments:

Mel said...

I know you are not a big fan of Ebay, but if you DO need a replacement, that might be an option. And though I haven't been there in ages, Half.com might also be someplace to look. As my husband always says, I can find anything...on the internet. Good luck with your dilemma!

Renee said...

Oops. Bad doggie. I am a big fan of half.com for finding books - so far I've been able to find everything I've been looking for on there, even a few obscure things.

-The Renee

beehivetales said...

Dang, that sucks! How bad is the damage? Can you blot it with some oxyclean or something? Is the author still alive? Maybe you can request an autographed book plate as a replacement?

Rebecca said...

What's the exact title of the book?

Kira said...

Ohhhh shitty. Or pissy, more accurately. Do the ebay thing if you can, but failing that, or if you cheap out, get the book wet. As in, soaking wet. It'll flush out the worst of the pee smell (maybe all of it) and telling Mr. BookLender that you "dropped it in the tub" is infintely less embarrasing/shameful than admitting your dog mistook it for a fire hydrant.

Good luck!

Anonymous said...

Yikes, I can't see any way you can get out of replacing it. I would just explain what happened and give him the replacement copy. As someone said, try ebay. Also half.com.

Anonymous said...

As bad as the book situation may be...and pretty funny..I am a new reader, but your dog's name is Muphy?...peed on the book, there is something "Murphy's Law" about that.

Tricia said...

Handmaid's Tale was a really weird one... not nearly as good as it was hyped up to be. Sorry you wasted your time too.

Christi F. said...

I know this! I know this!

Okay, you are going to need:

-a couple of rolls of good quality select-a-size paper towels
-a spray bottle of Petzyme
-a spray bottle of water
-a big concrete block or similar flat, super heavy thing

Go through the book and thoroughly spray the urine stained portions of the book with Petzyme. Next, go through the pages and insert paper towels between the pages--every 3 or 4 pages is fine, but the more paper towels you put in, the faster this goes--next, weight the book down with a cinder block, preferably in a warm dry place or near a fan. It's important that the paper towels overhang the pages of the book -- they act like a wick.

When the book is dry, go back and remove all the paper towels, and repeat the whole process until the smell and/or stain of urine is gone.

If the pages feel a little stiff or sticky when you have removed all the urine, you can do a final rinse with plain water instead of Petzyme.

I learned this little trick after Katrina -- I neglected to evacuate my favorite books, cookbooks, my grandmother's cookbooks, etc., and had to use this trick for things that couldn't be replaced.

It's a huge pain in the butt, granted, but so is getting highlights from some random person who believes Pamela Anderson to be the gold standard in tasteful hair color.

Fishy Busyness said...

I am so happy that someone elses dogs do hideous things that humiliate their owners. Hated The Handmaid's Tale.