Getting It Out

Dear Fed Ex guy,
I do not blame you for not wanting to get out of the truck while my dog was in the yard. Our big dog can look scary, that is the point. HOWEVER, you could have honked, and if that was too much effort, you could have just kept the package. Because putting it in a garbage bag and throwing it in the middle of my 200 foot driveway for the mailman to later run over and smash to pieces was really unfucking cool.

Dear Doctor,
I know you didn't do a chest x-ray on little kid because you remember him from last time. I don't blame you. HOWEVER, charging me $140 to put a stethoscope on his back and tell me he has a cough seems extreme. Maybe only because I'm broke and just did this 2 weeks ago, but it hurt. I'm sick too, but can't afford you. I was hoping we could get a definitive answer as to why my 2 year old has been coughing for 3 weeks. Instead, we'll just do more antibiotics. Not free ones this time. Thankssomuch!

Dear Wal-mart Employee,
I'm guessing you didn't graduate from Harvard, but I'm certain you can read the sign on the FAMILY restroom door. Just because you are as big as a family, doesn't entitle you to your own restroom. It's called a FAMILY restroom, not a HIDE IN HERE AND EAT SNICKERS BARS restroom. Not that you care, but little kid had crapped his pants and I found myself without a diaper. So I had to run to a Walmart, run to the baby aisle, and sit outside the FAMILY restroom while you did whatthefuckever in there for 5 minutes.

Within that 5 minutes, shit leaked all over his shorts, forcing me to drag his freshly diapered butt over to the clothing aisle for clean shorts once you finally allowed me access to the FAMILY restroom. Just so you know, the Bargain Board would have me arrested for some shit like that. That's practically grand theft over there, even if you do plan on paying. What if your card gets declined? What if the power goes out? What if there is a fire and everyone vacates the building and you stole a diaper and some shorts? So thanks, not only did you significantly influence the direction my day was going, you also made me a Bargain Board criminal.

Dear little kid,
Tomorrow I'll be asking your "teacher" if she can keep you full time. Because I cannot.

Dear Baby Mouse,
I'm sorry I killed you. I have good intentions, they just don't get me very far. If it makes you feel any better, and it probably doesn't since you're dead, but I think I killed that baby chick last month too. I should probaby just stop trying to "help" animals.

Alrighty then, there's more but who has the energy? Not me.

Tomorrow's got to get better.