Thursday, November 13, 2008

Getting It Out

Dear Fed Ex guy,
I do not blame you for not wanting to get out of the truck while my dog was in the yard. Our big dog can look scary, that is the point. HOWEVER, you could have honked, and if that was too much effort, you could have just kept the package. Because putting it in a garbage bag and throwing it in the middle of my 200 foot driveway for the mailman to later run over and smash to pieces was really unfucking cool.

Dear Doctor,
I know you didn't do a chest x-ray on little kid because you remember him from last time. I don't blame you. HOWEVER, charging me $140 to put a stethoscope on his back and tell me he has a cough seems extreme. Maybe only because I'm broke and just did this 2 weeks ago, but it hurt. I'm sick too, but can't afford you. I was hoping we could get a definitive answer as to why my 2 year old has been coughing for 3 weeks. Instead, we'll just do more antibiotics. Not free ones this time. Thankssomuch!

Dear Wal-mart Employee,
I'm guessing you didn't graduate from Harvard, but I'm certain you can read the sign on the FAMILY restroom door. Just because you are as big as a family, doesn't entitle you to your own restroom. It's called a FAMILY restroom, not a HIDE IN HERE AND EAT SNICKERS BARS restroom. Not that you care, but little kid had crapped his pants and I found myself without a diaper. So I had to run to a Walmart, run to the baby aisle, and sit outside the FAMILY restroom while you did whatthefuckever in there for 5 minutes.

Within that 5 minutes, shit leaked all over his shorts, forcing me to drag his freshly diapered butt over to the clothing aisle for clean shorts once you finally allowed me access to the FAMILY restroom. Just so you know, the Bargain Board would have me arrested for some shit like that. That's practically grand theft over there, even if you do plan on paying. What if your card gets declined? What if the power goes out? What if there is a fire and everyone vacates the building and you stole a diaper and some shorts? So thanks, not only did you significantly influence the direction my day was going, you also made me a Bargain Board criminal.

Dear little kid,
Tomorrow I'll be asking your "teacher" if she can keep you full time. Because I cannot.

Dear Baby Mouse,
I'm sorry I killed you. I have good intentions, they just don't get me very far. If it makes you feel any better, and it probably doesn't since you're dead, but I think I killed that baby chick last month too. I should probaby just stop trying to "help" animals.

Alrighty then, there's more but who has the energy? Not me.

Tomorrow's got to get better.


Mitch said...

I'm sorry, babe, that you had a sucky day. Really. It can only get better tomorrow! Be careful with lk's cough. It worries me that he's been like that so long.

BTW I can work Sat afternoon if you need me. Let me know.

Unknown said...

You are the best! I was ticked at you know who for canceling on me. I think I've got it covered, but I'll let you know by tomorrow if not.

Tomorrow will be better, today was unnaturally sucky.

Anonymous said...

OMG I'm so sorry you had a shitty day (pun intended)!! I would have called FedEx and ripped ass!! What. A. Prick! I proly would have ripped that wal fart employees ass too!!

Missives From Suburbia said...

I'm happy to hate Wal-Mart employees, Babycenter, doctors and FedEx on your behalf if it brings you a smile. For that matter, the mailman who ran over the bag, too, because that was a really dumbass thing to do.

Mama Bee said...

Probably doesn't make a sucky day less sucky, but your letters cracked my shit up! :) Hoping you have a better day tomorrow!

Maddness of Me said...

I'm sorry.

I noticed on my way home from work tonight that there is a full moon and I thought to myself that a supernatural shafting is coming, turns out I was right.

Maddness of Me said...

I'm not sure who told you that it was the feeding him cow's milk that killed him (that was a little mean if somebody did that to you), but I am certain it wasn't that. It is more likely that there were internal injuries that resulted in death when ingestion occurred. It was going to happen, you couldn't exactly hook him up to an IV.

Cow's milk isn't nutritionally adequate for mice, and over time it will cause deformities... but it won't kill them immediately like poison.

You get some good Kharma for trying though girlfriend.


Jennifer said...

Poor Little Kid. Poor Baby Mouse.

I had no idea that you were a BHB Momma too. I'm so sad about the NBBC. I HATE it. I don't know why they have to go and change things on us. Like we don't have enough shit to put up with in our regular lives. They have to go fucking up the virtual ones too.

Anonymous said...

I loved all your letters!!!! However I hope I never get one!

And I hope that you have a GREAT day tomorrow!

Unknown said...

I'm pretty sure he breathed in the milk or I drowned him with it. It was a pretty immediate thing, it would've been one hell of a coincidence for internal injuries to do him off one minute after I gave him milk. I'd like to think so, but...probably not.

Renee said...

Damn, that is a SHITTY day! I'm sorry. :( I agree with the pp that said it's a full moon thing. That's just too much tough stuff to deal with in one day. :(

-The Renee

Judy said...

Aw, Hugs! Tomorrow has got to be better!

Stacy said...

Feels so good to rant sometimes!

Anonymous said...

I'm sorry your day was so bad. It sure did make my day look better, though!

Hope today is better.

Maddness of Me said...

oh, he probably aspirated it.

They should make little teeny tiny nipples to feed baby mice ;)

~Gretchen~ said...

im at a loss as to what i will do without the bhb. sigh.

Anonymous said...

Ditto on the BHB. I just can't get into the new one. I'm so sorry about your mouse. You need to add some Sailor Jerry to your coke and things will be better. Works for me.

Paige said...

you got me beat on the shitty day and that is hard to do

Joy said...

um yea stay away from the baby animals. :)