Unlucky 13

I have just completed the 13th edition of my resume. I am so sick of myself and my work experience and my blahblahblah cover letters that I could scream. I write new cover letters for every job too, so I've probably written over 100 of those by now.

I have resumes related to:
Business to business marketing
Online marketing/social media development
Real Estate (Although it is my area of expertise, this is my most barf-tastic resume. The one I just completed was real estate-related and if I get that job, I might cry. No, I will cry. I will need therapy to get back into this industry.)
Sales
Customer Service
Writing (Copy writing, website content development, article writing, blog writing, and ironically....resume writing!)
Restaurant experience (I hardly have any--but since when do you have to?? I actually waited a ton of tables between 15-18 but I guess that experience expires because no one cares.)
Education/parenting (I have been applying for nanny jobs, people. Would you want me to be your nanny? Desperate times.)

I have been unemployed for a year and a HALF. Yes, I've started calling it "being a stay at home mom" and yes, I have started enjoying it but I have been continuously looking for employment and have gone on only 2 interviews--one with a creepy Craigslist psycho who lived out in the woods and had charges against him for assault with a non-deadly weapon toward his ex-wife. He warned me that she may attempt to get onto the property and if I saw her I had to call the police. I was offered that job but had to turn it down. Because I don't want a job that bad. 

But I do want a job badly enough that I applied at Wal-mart once. They weren't interested. But the next time I shopped there, my cashier had words tattooed where her eyebrows should be. HOW IS SHE A BETTER CANDIDATE THAN ME? It's a sad situation when "No facial tattoos" doesn't put me near the top of the application pile.

The whole Charlotte thing is on hold due to unexpected management changes and construction delays so we're in this awkward state of limbo with what to do in life. I'm thinking of going back to school because you know if I set down a large chunk of money and commit to something, Mr. Ashley will get a great offer in a city we love and everything can be all chaotic and complicated again.