Poison Control

This morning little kid walked into the bathroom, took off his pants and diaper, peed in the potty, and came back out with his pants on. I was pretty impressed and figured he was ready to potty train so I'd let him give it a shot.

He did pretty well, jumping up and running to the bathroom when he had to go, no shenanigans, just doing his business and coming right back out. Naturally, I began to let my guard down and started to trust him and his maturity level in the bathroom.

He goes in there again and I hear some rustling around that I figured was him doing his business, then I hear a gasp and a terrible coughing and gagging fit. I jump up and run into the bathroom to see him standing there red eyed, panting and wheezing with a huge slug of snot creeping out of his nose when I'm hit with the sudden, unmistakable smell of bleach.

Unable to believe even he would do something so crazy, I grab his face and smell his breath and yep, it smells like bleach. In a total panic, I run around the house searching for the phone and fling open the cabinet door for the Poison Control sticker I oh-so-carefully applied when Big Kid was first born.

They answered before it even rang and I tearfully announced that my two year old drank bleach, wiping the snot slug away with one hand and thrusting my Coke at him with another while looking around for things I'd probably have to take to the Emergency Room.

"Ma'am, calm down, bleach smells pretty bad. It's unlikely a child would chug it, know what I mean?"

"You don't know this child," I replied panicked.

"Well, what did he drink from?"

Looking around, I saw a spray bottle in the sink and picked it up and smelled bleach. The top was on tightly, so he must have sprayed it into his mouth. I relayed this info.

"See? He couldn't have gotten much. He should be fine," she assured me.

"What if he sprayed it in his eyes? Could he go blind or something?"

"He's what? Two? I think he would be telling you his eyes hurt, rubbing them and screaming or something," she said in a practical manner.

"Oh, that is probably true."

"See? No need to take him to the hospital or anything, just give him a lot to drink, maybe a little lunch, he'll be fine."

"Are you sure? He had a ton of snot coming out of his nose just now. Not a normal amount, even for being sick."

"Yeah...bleach will clear you out like that, I'd think, I personally wouldn't try it. Trust me, go get him lunch and a drink, he's fine."

I was instantly reassured and super appreciative of her calm demeanor...but I did consider lying when she asked for our names. Because there's a good chance this won't be our last call. I'd like to think so, but little kid is full of surprises.

Later on when Big Kid came home, I was telling him about the ordeal and turned to little kid and asked, "What happens when you drink bleach, little kid? Tell Bubba what happens."

"Get Coke," he replied with a smile.

Wrong answer.

So I'm not so sure any lesson was learned. Other than we're (I'm) not ready for potty training. Not yet.