Tough times

We're getting ready to go drop the chickens off at my parents' and I'm really feeling sad.

I think all of the packing is getting to me. My stuff all fits perfect in this house, because it was bought for this house. I can't picture where it will all go in the new house.

I still remember being pregnant and lying on the floor of Big Kid's beautiful sage green classic Pooh nursery, hopeful and excited about our future.

The other day as I was wrapping up our wedding china, our wedding song came on and I laid on the floor of our dining room and sobbed to the sounds of "At Last". It sucks to remember so much excited, bright hope and to now only have dim, far away "at least" hope.

It sucks REALLY bad.

It's also still scary. The new budget is still tight and saving will be difficult. I'm not sure how I'll be able to afford my anti-anxiety meds and I need them more than ever. I also don't qualify for the needy meds program anymore, so that doesn't help. My doctor won't even write me another prescription until I see her again (I guess she needs confirmation that I'm still a little crazy?) and without insurance I don't really know how I'll be able to afford to see her again soon.

I just want to go back to sleep, until 2011 or so.