Sunday, March 29, 2009

Tough times

We're getting ready to go drop the chickens off at my parents' and I'm really feeling sad.

I think all of the packing is getting to me. My stuff all fits perfect in this house, because it was bought for this house. I can't picture where it will all go in the new house.

I still remember being pregnant and lying on the floor of Big Kid's beautiful sage green classic Pooh nursery, hopeful and excited about our future.

The other day as I was wrapping up our wedding china, our wedding song came on and I laid on the floor of our dining room and sobbed to the sounds of "At Last". It sucks to remember so much excited, bright hope and to now only have dim, far away "at least" hope.

It sucks REALLY bad.

It's also still scary. The new budget is still tight and saving will be difficult. I'm not sure how I'll be able to afford my anti-anxiety meds and I need them more than ever. I also don't qualify for the needy meds program anymore, so that doesn't help. My doctor won't even write me another prescription until I see her again (I guess she needs confirmation that I'm still a little crazy?) and without insurance I don't really know how I'll be able to afford to see her again soon.

I just want to go back to sleep, until 2011 or so.

18 comments:

Kira said...

Post what you need and I'll see what I can do. I've got the good Canadian drug plan. ;) I hope you feel better. Remember that although what you're leaving behind is hard, you're taking the most important things with you - your family!

Jess said...

Please know there are many of us sending good thoughts your way. As for the meds, they're a necessity, not a luxury. I think it's awful that some insurance companies won't cover them. I'm praying you find a way to afford them.

Anonymous said...

I am SO sorry for all you're going through. My family is struggling to stay afloat too and it helps to know we're not alone. We used to have everything and the future for us and our children was bright. Now I feel fear and wonder if the burden will ever be lifted. You put into words what I still cannot say.

Anonymous said...

i'm not sure what anxiety meds you take, but i know a lot of the generics (diazepam, timazepam) are usually pretty cheap. maybe your doctor can prescribe a less expensive one?

cw2smom said...

Hang in there Sweetie! I know this is a tough time for you and the family but better times are a comin'! Believe it! In the meantine take one day at a time! Blessings, Lisa

PaperCourt said...

Hang in there, Ashley!

Kristin said...

Hang in there, I know it's hard, but even after the worst of the worst financial struggle - bankruptcy, foreclosure, etc - there is light at the end of the tunnel. Life does go on and it will still be filled with happy times. You have your family, no matter what happens.

"Bloom where you are planted"

Piece o' Coconut Cake said...

You have everything you need, Ashley. Those 2 kick-ass kids and Mr. Ashley. I know, it's not easy-I've been married 11 years and lived in 9 homes. Along the way, had 5 miscarriages. I would have happily given up another house not to have gone through that. We have an amazing home now but I know it will be sold out from under me. I would love to stay and buy everything to go EXACTLY where I want it to but that's not going to happen. *sigh* I've loved some more than others but I have always looked at them the same. It's just a house. The day my husband came to me and told me that we would probably have to sell this one, our "dream" house, I knew that he was so distraught and he had sworn to me that this was it, we would never move again he was so visibly upset I felt so bad for him. I told him not to worry, that it was just a house, we would make another one, that it didn't matter where we lived. We are a family-all 3 of us, no matter where we are.

Holly in Tampa said...

I am so sorry Ashley, I really am. I used to lay in DS' nursery and do the same thing. You guys will get through this. You guys are strong, resiliant and good hearted people.

On a side note, I work for a DR office and have access to plenty of crazynomore sample pills. Lemme know :)

Anonymous said...

Hoping things will get easier for you, Ashley! Hang in there.

Kathie said...

Man, this is shitty, Ashley. I'm sorry. I know you know that you are lucky to have your family but it still hurts to lose things you care about and worked hard for, and have so much history in.

Does your doctor know that you are uninsured? Lots of times they will adjust the regular rate for you and just have you pay what insurance reimburses for office visits (which if you look at your EOBs is substantially less than what they actually charge). Also ask for some samples...you can make your 30-day Rx last longer that way.

Lots of hugs!

Southern Mom said...

Seriously look at the generic ones and see if your doctor will increase your dosage so you can split it. I have friends who switched from the expensive Lexapro to the generic celexa and it is much cheaper and works well! My doctor prescribes me a double dose and I split the pill to save money.

Jennifer said...

I'm so, so sorry you are going through this. But I know for a fact that you will come out better on the other side, which doesn't help a lot now.....

And just as a weird aside, Baby Girls room was Classic Pooh also, but we painted it "friendly yellow".

jennyandcompany said...

It will be lots of fun to find places for your furniture in the new house, and you'll have a great excuse to spend more time on the Nester's blog!

Trace said...

I am sure it sucks, sucks, sucks. But try to see it as leaving just a house, not a home. Easy to say, hard to do...I know.

Have you looked on Wal-Mart's $4 Rx list to see if your meds are listed? If not, maybe your doc can switch you to one on that list? Now, more than ever, is not a good time to quit them cold turkey.

Sending you good thoughts and hoping this is as seamless a transition as possible.

Ashley said...

I guess getting switched to a different prescription is probably a good idea. I hadn't thought of that. I'm just super sensitive to medication and the low dosage Effexor works really well for me, but it's definitely worth a shot for the savings.

Thanks for your kind words everyone. I'm feeling a little better today. I'm just ready to get it done and move already. The being in limbo feeling sucks.

M said...

I know it sucks but you just have to make the best of it.

We've been without health insurance for several years and it's not fun, especially when the husband has a chronic disease, but you get by.

You just have to focus on the good stuff every day and try and not let the shitty stuff get you down.

Melodie said...

2011? Random number or because that's when lk starts kindergarten?