Turdsday

As I'm sure all of you know, I have been Desperate (with a capital D) for a good break from little kid for the last couple of months (at least). Mr. Ashley's been working 2 or 3 Saturdays a month lately and little kid has been especially naughty, and I'm just overwhelmed and tired.

I have been pleading with Mr. Ashley to please let me drop little kid off with his old babysitter for just one day--I could clean the house and attempt to find shreds of my sanity to piece back together. Mr. Ashley has repeatedly insisted that we didn't have the money for this type of luxury. I asked if he had bail money for whatever happened when I finally snapped and he laughed it off. I cried. I told him I was very serious and he said he knew and that when we could do it, we would. Soon, he promised.

So I've been waiting, asking on a weekly basis if we had the money, even applying to part-time or freelance jobs daily in the hopes of accumulating some money so I get could a break when needed.

This weekend I told Mr. Ashley that NaNoWriMo (National Novel Writing Month) was approaching and that I planned on doing it (but not by the rules, of course, because I like to complicate things) and that if I didn't get a day off this week to get us caught up on laundry and general housekeeping, that I would not be doing house work for all of November and we would be in a sad state of affairs by December.

Oh, and that I still badly needed a break from little kid.

And he said yes! Hallelujah, he said yes! I have hoped and dreamed for this peaceful day of cleaning for so long and finally he said yes!

So I emailed the babysitter Monday night. We normally email, so when I hadn't heard back yesterday, I was in a panic. I went to call her and realized her phone number is stored in the address book of a paid email account I had just closed. I thought it was in my phone too, but I guess not.

So I have no phone number for her (and she's a police man's wife, so they are unlisted). And I have little kid. And a messy house. And a violin lesson for Big Kid (and little kid has been banned from those, so I'll wait with him in the car while Big Kid goes in).

And I am so bummed! And so panicked that she'll never check her email and I will have lost her. Also, today was Big Kid's Fall Party at school (at 8:45 am which I thought was weird) and when he found out I wouldn't be able to stop by (because siblings are not allowed) he cried. Which made me want to cry because *I* am the one who should get to cry! *I* am the one missing out on the Fall Party and a clean house and the violin lesson and a day of semi-relaxation!

I sent Big Kid to his party with a big bag of fun treats for his friends, and I have a good new book to read during the violin lesson, and I'm pretty used to my messy house, and I'm trying to look on the bright side of things...

but it still really sucks!