The Case of the Hurt Cheek

So last night I'm sitting here relaxing, everyone else in bed, when Big Kid starts crying and kicking around. I go in there and he tells me his cheek hurts and I sort of rolled my eyes and patted him on the head and came back out here.

He starts crying again, so I go back in, hold him, stroke his hair, sing a little, he seemed asleep so I get up to leave and he starts quietly sobbing about how much his cheek hurts. Your head? No. Your teeth? No. Your ear? No. Your gums? No. My teek.

This happens several times before I realize it isn't going away, so I carried him into our room so Mr. Ashley could deal with it.

As I'm going to bed, he's carrying on again about how much it hurts, so we gave him some Motrin.

All night long he kicked, tossed, cried, sobbed, moaned and rolled around about how he hurt. He also started saying his ear was wet, so we were thinking maybe it was an earache? He insists not.

Sadly, today was Purim at school. For lack of a better way to describe it, it's Jewish Halloween. A whole big deal. They were supposed to come in costume and do all of this fun stuff. Julia was going to be a princess, Vivian was going to be a fairy and Big Kid forced me to hastily assemble a fireman's costume because he was insistent that he could be nothing else.

I was excited about him having St. Patty's Day, Purim and Easter all in one week and was looking forward to seeing him dressed up with his friends. But after our sleepless night and his ailing cheek, we didn't think we could send him.

He hasn't complained much about his cheek today but he is pale and lethargic. When Big Kid is sick, it is written all over his gray, pink eyed, sad little face. What the hell is wrong with him though?

I can't ask his pediatrician because we are unfortunately involved in a malpractice case against him and I haven't found a new one yet and I'm just not sure a hurt cheek that comes and goes is worth the trouble.

(I know you're now dying of curiosity about the malpractice case but I cannot write about it. We are SO not the suing type but have a very valid case of negligence that resulted in a serious and lifelong issue for one of our children...don't worry, nothing that will mar their intelligence or beauty, but still. Don't fuck up my kids. And I'm sorry I can't share more than that with you all.)

I know I could take him to Urgent Care, but I'm really hoping not to reinfect all of us with the flu in order to find out what his deal is.

So he's home sick again today and the Jews are taking Friday and next week off (Purim AND Easter break? Call it Spring Break if you want but we're onto this double dipping thing. They also pulled Teacher Appreciation day a few weeks ago...do it on Purim or Spring Break, people.) so I'm in for the long haul here.

The poor kid is jonesing for some Baby Einstein movies in a major way, so I'm about to take him to the library. I'm not sure if I've been over that with you all...Big Kid is a Baby Einstein addict. He knows every scene of every movie...and would love to give you the play by play. He also knows every instrument in an orchestra, a ton of sign language and all the other shit they teach you.

Mr. Ashley got sick of it and tried to shame him a little with the whole "baby movie" thing, but it was starting to become an issue. Like now that it was "wrong" it was this dirty little desire, so I said no more of that and we have been tolerating this quirk of his without a word.

It is ANNOYING AS SHIT. Oh my God do I want to find whoever put these movies together and kick them in the teeth for being so irritating and having such tinny, crapola music. Julie Eisner Clark. You'd better watch out for me, lady.

So that's what the next few weeks are looking like for me. Extra whining, extra butt wiping and extra baby movies.

And little kid does not and will not watch baby movies, lest Big Kid tells you otherwise, so don't think this means he's being entertained or distracted in any way, shape or form. Now I just have to listen to that as a soundtrack, paired with Big Kid's play by play, while I keep him from killing himself all day.

To think Spring Break used to be fun??