All Right

I may already be over the whole wallowing thing. Don't hold me to that, I reserve the right to go back to it at any time but I got into position today and just wasn't feeling it. My parents even took little kid so that I could wallow in peace, which was super nice.

The anticipation of thinking I may get laid off was actually worse than it happening. In fact, it happening is almost a relief in a sad way because I can stop worrying about it. It sucks and it is sad and I will probably miss that job forever but it's out of my hands now. The financial impact will hurt but people are worse off and I'll lose all kinds of weight as I starve.

At first the thought of being a STAY AT HOME MOM had me feeling queasy because what the heck was I going to do with myself? What would I think about? What will I do? I can't do nothing.

Tentative plans involve A LOT of reading (I will finish Owen Meany, dammit) and A LOT of time at the beach and A LOT of drinking when and if I can afford it or can get others to buy it for me. (I'm actually not a big drinker but I've been meaning to take it up for quite some time now.)

Long term plans involve more writing and maybe doing some volunteer stuff for an exciting local project I have connections with. I'm pretty sure you have to be tortured and/or an alcoholic to become a bestselling author, so maybe God is just pointing me in the right direction for more suffering and drinking.