I would like to thank the parents of the screaming children in the doctor's waiting room today for supplying a whole herd of last minute reminders of why a vasectomy was a good idea for our family.
Although I undoubtedly don't want to give birth again (I'm 3 lbs from wedding weight, people!), of course there was some wistfulness with closing this chapter of our lives. For about an hour last night, I mourned the daughter I will probably never have. But then I tried to actually picture myself having another baby and the sleepless nights, the lifelong implications, and the cost and all I could think about was how I could go on a nice vacation with that much money. That's a good sign that I'm done, I think, when I'd prefer Belize over a baby.
And can you even imagine little kid as a middle child?
I also shouldn't go through pregnancy again for the same reason I don't do well with hormonal birth control--it makes me fat and crazy and I dislike being fat and crazy. For the first time in almost 5 years, I feel like me again and it is really very nice to be that version of me.
Mr. Ashley is doing well and said it was really no big deal. I am so grateful that soon I will have no valid reason to fear that I'm pregnant every month.
The other day Big Kid told me that if he ever had a little girl baby, he was going to name her Bailey because he knew I liked that name because it was my grandpa's. It made me swoon to hear it, but I told him that his wife may have something to say about that.
"Well, how do I get a wife that will let me use the name I want?"
"I guess you'll just have to discuss things like this...and pick a nice lady to marry."
"Like the type of lady who won't be screamin' at the kids and stuff?"
"Yes, that would be a good start."
"We could have two girl babies and I could name the first one and she could name the second one."
"That is a pretty good compromise and I would love to have two granddaughters."
"But then I won't have a little boy to draw comics with and play Mario with and stuff."
"You could have more than two children. Some people do. Also, girls like drawing and Mario."
"Okay...so I just need to find a nice lady that wants two girls and one boy and likes the name I like."
"Yep, that's it!"
So maybe I'll get a Bailey one day after all.
Mr. Ashley is still very open to the idea of international adoption should our fortune ever drastically change. I like having the option...but I could go on a lot of vacations with that type of money. And get a boob job.
Saturday, July 10, 2010
Wednesday, July 7, 2010
The Lie Detector
little kid is on a real lying streak lately and I'm getting tired of it.
Yesterday he walked into the room with a completely blue mouth and a guilty look on his face.
"Why is your mouth blue?"
"It not."
"Uh, yes, it is. What have you been into?"
He was struggling to keep a serious look on his face, his little mouth pursing as the corners turned upward, struggling to smile.
"Did you get into the candy?" I checked his hands and they were still damp from a suspicious recent washing.
His mouth turned into a little "O" and he rolled his eyes toward the ceiling--making a bizarre face that was very similar to the ridiculous face Big Kid used to make when he first started telling lies. "No, mine Mumum."
Walking into the room he just left, I found a small pile of candy wrappers under the desk. He continued to deny his involvement, despite the blue candy wrappers and his blue mouth, and he got in trouble for it anyway.
Later that day he was taking forever with lunch and wasn't allowed to leave the kitchen island until he finished his bowl of homemade mac and cheese. About 10 minutes later he came into the room I was in, triumphantly announcing that he had finished.
"Really? What a good boy!" I exclaimed. As I got up to go into the kitchen, I saw that he looked nervous. "Did you really eat it?" I asked, watching the "I'm lying" face creep up.
"Yes, I ated it all! Like um very good boy." The bowl was indeed empty, but my suspicions remained.
Then I suddenly remembered a jedi parenting trick The Renee told me about years ago:
"Hey, little kid, I've got a special test that tells me if kids are telling a lie. Will you please come here?" I asked, squatting down to his level. He looked a little apprehensive.
"Whys you want me to?"
"As part of the test. It's no big deal if you really did eat your lunch, I just need to make sure."
I stuck my arm out, thumb up. "Okay, I need you to squeeze my thumb with your hand and look into my eyes while I ask you a question, alright?"
"MMMkay," his eyes were growing wider, as he tentatively reached out and wrapped his small hand around my thumb.
"Okay, now squeeze my thumb and look right at me," I said, looking into his eyes, "little kid, did you really eat all of your mac and cheese?"
He hesitated for just a moment. "Yes I did." He tried to sound confident.
Any fear that I had that I'd be unable to read him correctly completely faded with that one sentence. Anyone who had truly eaten their mac and cheese wouldn't have that slight tremble to their hand or those wild wide eyes or that scrunched up little mouth struggling not to laugh.
(Laughter and smiling is a nervous reaction for little kid--it took me months of total rage as he laughed in my face during punishments before I realized this and now I know to ignore it.)
I shook my head in sad disappointment. His shoulders drooped. "little kid. This is very sad for me. The test says that you're lying. It is not good to lie. God doesn't like lies, Santa Claus doesn't like lies, and you cannot be telling lies. What did you really do with your mac and cheese? Don't lie more! That will make it worse!"
"I feeded it to a dogs, mumum," he admitted. I praised him for admitting it and felt pretty amused by the whole situation and my glorious new trick...until bedtime.
Because at bedtime, I found an enormous bowl-sized clump of mac and cheese under his bed, partially ground into the carpet.
And he blamed it on the dogs, who must have put it there once they realized they didn't like mac and cheese.
Yesterday he walked into the room with a completely blue mouth and a guilty look on his face.
"Why is your mouth blue?"
"It not."
"Uh, yes, it is. What have you been into?"
He was struggling to keep a serious look on his face, his little mouth pursing as the corners turned upward, struggling to smile.
"Did you get into the candy?" I checked his hands and they were still damp from a suspicious recent washing.
His mouth turned into a little "O" and he rolled his eyes toward the ceiling--making a bizarre face that was very similar to the ridiculous face Big Kid used to make when he first started telling lies. "No, mine Mumum."
Walking into the room he just left, I found a small pile of candy wrappers under the desk. He continued to deny his involvement, despite the blue candy wrappers and his blue mouth, and he got in trouble for it anyway.
Later that day he was taking forever with lunch and wasn't allowed to leave the kitchen island until he finished his bowl of homemade mac and cheese. About 10 minutes later he came into the room I was in, triumphantly announcing that he had finished.
"Really? What a good boy!" I exclaimed. As I got up to go into the kitchen, I saw that he looked nervous. "Did you really eat it?" I asked, watching the "I'm lying" face creep up.
"Yes, I ated it all! Like um very good boy." The bowl was indeed empty, but my suspicions remained.
Then I suddenly remembered a jedi parenting trick The Renee told me about years ago:
"Hey, little kid, I've got a special test that tells me if kids are telling a lie. Will you please come here?" I asked, squatting down to his level. He looked a little apprehensive.
"Whys you want me to?"
"As part of the test. It's no big deal if you really did eat your lunch, I just need to make sure."
I stuck my arm out, thumb up. "Okay, I need you to squeeze my thumb with your hand and look into my eyes while I ask you a question, alright?"
"MMMkay," his eyes were growing wider, as he tentatively reached out and wrapped his small hand around my thumb.
"Okay, now squeeze my thumb and look right at me," I said, looking into his eyes, "little kid, did you really eat all of your mac and cheese?"
He hesitated for just a moment. "Yes I did." He tried to sound confident.
Any fear that I had that I'd be unable to read him correctly completely faded with that one sentence. Anyone who had truly eaten their mac and cheese wouldn't have that slight tremble to their hand or those wild wide eyes or that scrunched up little mouth struggling not to laugh.
(Laughter and smiling is a nervous reaction for little kid--it took me months of total rage as he laughed in my face during punishments before I realized this and now I know to ignore it.)
I shook my head in sad disappointment. His shoulders drooped. "little kid. This is very sad for me. The test says that you're lying. It is not good to lie. God doesn't like lies, Santa Claus doesn't like lies, and you cannot be telling lies. What did you really do with your mac and cheese? Don't lie more! That will make it worse!"
"I feeded it to a dogs, mumum," he admitted. I praised him for admitting it and felt pretty amused by the whole situation and my glorious new trick...until bedtime.
Because at bedtime, I found an enormous bowl-sized clump of mac and cheese under his bed, partially ground into the carpet.
And he blamed it on the dogs, who must have put it there once they realized they didn't like mac and cheese.
Monday, July 5, 2010
K-I-S-S-I-N-G
Today we had Em and her family over to swim and play.
Big Kid and Em were born 6 months apart and have been friends forever. They have celebrated 6 birthdays together, explored Disney World together, spent the night at each other's various houses and learned a lot about friendship and a little about the opposite sex through one another. They have fought over toys and their plans for the future; she once cried and tattled on him for telling her that he didn't think they'd grow up and get married because he loved her like a friend. Then she informed him that he was wrong about that. They were 5 then.
We haven't seen her in a few months and I was astounded to see how big they look standing next to one another now. I have pictures of her as a wrinkled newborn, propped up against his bald, wide-eyed baby self and now they walk around holding hands; her with a ponytail halfway down her back and him looking so tall and tan.
As we were saying our goodbyes today, I saw her approach him with a shy smile.
"Hug me, Big Kid," she said, throwing her arms wide, dramatically. He returned her smile and was swooped up into her hug. His head was awkwardly on her shoulder, his face purposely turned from hers. "Let me see your face," I heard her say.
"No." he answered, still hugging her tightly.
She untangled herself from his arms and put one hand on each cheek, pulling his face in toward hers, smiling but looking serious. I realized what was going on just as she leaned in for a kiss.
"EM!" Her mom and I and Big Kid all shouted at the same time. She had already accomplished her quick kiss and was giggling as Big Kid wrestled away, swiping his hand across his mouth and blushing furiously.
She headed for the front door and turned back again, "One more hug?" she asked, grinning and holding her arms out again.
"NO!" Big Kid answered.
She laughed again and left, leaving me shocked that our babies were so big now.
Once the door closed behind them I said, "Hey, Big Kid? You and Emmy can't be kissing--"
"You're tellin' me! The trick to that is keepin' my face away from her face, but that sure is hard when you're friends sayin' goodbye! Don't worry, mom, I didn't like it!"
But I'm afraid that one day he will.
Big Kid and Em were born 6 months apart and have been friends forever. They have celebrated 6 birthdays together, explored Disney World together, spent the night at each other's various houses and learned a lot about friendship and a little about the opposite sex through one another. They have fought over toys and their plans for the future; she once cried and tattled on him for telling her that he didn't think they'd grow up and get married because he loved her like a friend. Then she informed him that he was wrong about that. They were 5 then.
We haven't seen her in a few months and I was astounded to see how big they look standing next to one another now. I have pictures of her as a wrinkled newborn, propped up against his bald, wide-eyed baby self and now they walk around holding hands; her with a ponytail halfway down her back and him looking so tall and tan.
As we were saying our goodbyes today, I saw her approach him with a shy smile.
"Hug me, Big Kid," she said, throwing her arms wide, dramatically. He returned her smile and was swooped up into her hug. His head was awkwardly on her shoulder, his face purposely turned from hers. "Let me see your face," I heard her say.
"No." he answered, still hugging her tightly.
She untangled herself from his arms and put one hand on each cheek, pulling his face in toward hers, smiling but looking serious. I realized what was going on just as she leaned in for a kiss.
"EM!" Her mom and I and Big Kid all shouted at the same time. She had already accomplished her quick kiss and was giggling as Big Kid wrestled away, swiping his hand across his mouth and blushing furiously.
She headed for the front door and turned back again, "One more hug?" she asked, grinning and holding her arms out again.
"NO!" Big Kid answered.
She laughed again and left, leaving me shocked that our babies were so big now.
Once the door closed behind them I said, "Hey, Big Kid? You and Emmy can't be kissing--"
"You're tellin' me! The trick to that is keepin' my face away from her face, but that sure is hard when you're friends sayin' goodbye! Don't worry, mom, I didn't like it!"
But I'm afraid that one day he will.
Some Links
Where I will live when I grow up
I have been here, and will spend the rest of my life trying to get back here
You are and a rebuttal
Impossible is nothing
Bookshelf Porn (Safe for work, but the stuff dreams are made of...if you're a big nerd like me)
Photoshop makes the rest of us feel ugly
Audrey Hepburn was beautiful (before Photoshop even existed) and she stayed that way.
Being Successful
Fur coat
Good buddies
When Life Gives You...
My dream
I have been here, and will spend the rest of my life trying to get back here
You are and a rebuttal
Impossible is nothing
Bookshelf Porn (Safe for work, but the stuff dreams are made of...if you're a big nerd like me)
Photoshop makes the rest of us feel ugly
Audrey Hepburn was beautiful (before Photoshop even existed) and she stayed that way.
Being Successful
Fur coat
Good buddies
When Life Gives You...
My dream
Summer Time
Next time 4th of July rolls around and I want to buy fireworks, just encourage me to light $30 on fire and throw it into the driveway. I don't know if it's because all of the fun fireworks are illegal where we live or what, but fireworks are never as enjoyable as I expect them to be and I forget this every year.
We had a rainy 4th of July and Mr. Ashley was on call for work, so it was hard to have any kind of crazy fun. We went swimming once the rain cleared and walked down to the lake to feed the ducks before lighting some stuff on fire and going inside for ice cream sundaes.
Not much else to report here. I've been really surprised by how quickly summer is passing. Remember how long summer felt when you were little? What happened to that? I've been having such a great time with the boys that I really dread the start of the school year. Yeah, the free time will be great but the homework and the laundry and the lunch-packing is a big fat hassle.
Also, a new school year means that people are growing up, and that makes me a little bit sad. Okay, it makes me a lot sad! I just want time to slow down, is that too much to ask?
We had a rainy 4th of July and Mr. Ashley was on call for work, so it was hard to have any kind of crazy fun. We went swimming once the rain cleared and walked down to the lake to feed the ducks before lighting some stuff on fire and going inside for ice cream sundaes.
Not much else to report here. I've been really surprised by how quickly summer is passing. Remember how long summer felt when you were little? What happened to that? I've been having such a great time with the boys that I really dread the start of the school year. Yeah, the free time will be great but the homework and the laundry and the lunch-packing is a big fat hassle.
Also, a new school year means that people are growing up, and that makes me a little bit sad. Okay, it makes me a lot sad! I just want time to slow down, is that too much to ask?
Saturday, July 3, 2010
Freedom
My boys were watching "Red, White & Blue, Magoo" the other day and Big Kid said, "Good thing our country has its freedom!"
little kid answered, "Yeah, it's a good thing mommies and daddies are free 'cuz I don't gots a lot of money for new ones!"
Have a happy 4th of July and don't burn off or blow up any body parts! I promise I'll try to get back on track with blogging next week.
little kid answered, "Yeah, it's a good thing mommies and daddies are free 'cuz I don't gots a lot of money for new ones!"
Have a happy 4th of July and don't burn off or blow up any body parts! I promise I'll try to get back on track with blogging next week.
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