I just realized that tomorrow is April Fool's day. I don't think Big Kid realizes either, so I've got to get him in the morning.
I jokingly suggested that we tell them we're going on a surprise trip to Disney World and then drop them off at school instead. It would be hilarious--until Big Kid murdered us in our sleep that night. He would have a complete mental breakdown over some unnecessary cruelty like that and he would definitely never get over it.
It would be funny though.
I can't believe it caught me by surprise like this. Last year I got them good with the meatloaf cupcakes but this year I've got nothing. What the heck can I do?
Thursday, March 31, 2011
Wednesday, March 30, 2011
Emergency
I have really bad insomnia right now and that combined with not feeling well made it so I hardly slept at all last night.
I was exhausted after dropping Big Kid off so I turned the television on in our bedroom, told little kid to sit and watch it quietly and pulled my comforter over my head so I could try to snooze for 30 minutes before starting the day. Just as I started to get in that comfy spot between being awake and asleep, I heard, "Mudder?"
"Nooooo," I whispered, afraid to wake myself up. "Not unless it's an emergency. Sick."
"Is an emergency, momma."
"No." I felt little fingers prying the comforter away from me.
"Mooooooom. I need you to wake up. I got's an emergency!" little kid said as he removed the covers. "You's awake? Awake now?"
"Yes! Yes I am!"
"Okay, the question is--what's I gots to ask you is....how does the Easter Bunny get the eggs out of the fridge if he doesn't gots no hands?"
God. Seriously?
"Very carefully." I answered. I then got up to go to the bathroom for the 400th time since midnight and came back to find him in my spot in bed.
"Can you get out of my spot, please?"
"I can't believe you. I'm just wantin' to snuggle my mudder and she doesn't want to!"
"No, we can snuggle, I'm just asking you not to wiggle into my spot every time I get out of bed. You know I like having my pillow, please just move over."
"Fine! Fine, we won't snuggle. Does that make you happy? Not to snuggle me? I'll just lay all the way over here, way away from your spot so you don't have to snuggle me. Okay?"
"Okay."
"How mean. It's just mean."
"You're welcome to come lie next to me."
"No no. I might get in your spot. Can't have people gettin' in your spot, not even your baybay who wants to snuggle you."
"I'm in my spot now. You can lie next to me and snuggle."
"Nope."
"Okay."
Ten minutes later he walked back in the room. "Can't believe you don't want to snuggle your own baybay. I don't know what your problem is today."
"I'm sick? And you're harassing me over silly things?"
"Oh yeah, okay. A mudder not wantin' to snuggle her baybay is not silly!"
"That's not what happened. Come snuggle me."
"No. I don't want to snuggle with people who are mean to me. Like you."
"Okay."
"See? That's mean."
I'm ready to give him my spot and go sleep in the car.
I was exhausted after dropping Big Kid off so I turned the television on in our bedroom, told little kid to sit and watch it quietly and pulled my comforter over my head so I could try to snooze for 30 minutes before starting the day. Just as I started to get in that comfy spot between being awake and asleep, I heard, "Mudder?"
"Nooooo," I whispered, afraid to wake myself up. "Not unless it's an emergency. Sick."
"Is an emergency, momma."
"No." I felt little fingers prying the comforter away from me.
"Mooooooom. I need you to wake up. I got's an emergency!" little kid said as he removed the covers. "You's awake? Awake now?"
"Yes! Yes I am!"
"Okay, the question is--what's I gots to ask you is....how does the Easter Bunny get the eggs out of the fridge if he doesn't gots no hands?"
God. Seriously?
"Very carefully." I answered. I then got up to go to the bathroom for the 400th time since midnight and came back to find him in my spot in bed.
"Can you get out of my spot, please?"
"I can't believe you. I'm just wantin' to snuggle my mudder and she doesn't want to!"
"No, we can snuggle, I'm just asking you not to wiggle into my spot every time I get out of bed. You know I like having my pillow, please just move over."
"Fine! Fine, we won't snuggle. Does that make you happy? Not to snuggle me? I'll just lay all the way over here, way away from your spot so you don't have to snuggle me. Okay?"
"Okay."
"How mean. It's just mean."
"You're welcome to come lie next to me."
"No no. I might get in your spot. Can't have people gettin' in your spot, not even your baybay who wants to snuggle you."
"I'm in my spot now. You can lie next to me and snuggle."
"Nope."
"Okay."
Ten minutes later he walked back in the room. "Can't believe you don't want to snuggle your own baybay. I don't know what your problem is today."
"I'm sick? And you're harassing me over silly things?"
"Oh yeah, okay. A mudder not wantin' to snuggle her baybay is not silly!"
"That's not what happened. Come snuggle me."
"No. I don't want to snuggle with people who are mean to me. Like you."
"Okay."
"See? That's mean."
I'm ready to give him my spot and go sleep in the car.
Tuesday, March 29, 2011
Tone Deaf
little kid still calls me princess a lot of the time. Sometimes he jazzes it up and calls me Princess Peach or Princess Araya (that's what he calls Princess Leia). "My sweet princess mommy," is heartwarming and endearing and I love this whole princess thing the majority of the time.
(What girl wouldn't?)
But some of the time, he comes across as rude and condescending; "Now listen up, princess," he'll tell me, speaking all slow and sassy, as I try to correct his behavior. (He always has an explanation or some negotiation to do--homeboy might end up being a politician or a lawyer. Not the good kind.)
"little kid, don't you talk to me like that!"
"Like what? I always call you princess."
"Yeah, but you know what I mean. I don't like your tone."
"I don't know tones, princess, I'm a 4-year-older."
He knows tone. I know he knows tone.
And he better watch his.
(What girl wouldn't?)
But some of the time, he comes across as rude and condescending; "Now listen up, princess," he'll tell me, speaking all slow and sassy, as I try to correct his behavior. (He always has an explanation or some negotiation to do--homeboy might end up being a politician or a lawyer. Not the good kind.)
"little kid, don't you talk to me like that!"
"Like what? I always call you princess."
"Yeah, but you know what I mean. I don't like your tone."
"I don't know tones, princess, I'm a 4-year-older."
He knows tone. I know he knows tone.
And he better watch his.
Saturday, March 26, 2011
Theory of Rain
"When it's rainin', that's God pourin' buckets of water on us alls," little kid announced the other day.
"No. No, that's not true at all. What happens is that sunshine absorbs the moisture on the earth and takes it back up into the sky where the drops all get together and make clouds, then when the clouds get too heavy it rains and the water goes back to the earth. It's like, evaporation and precipitation and stuff. A cycle." Big Kid explained.
I was impressed.
"No! Noooo! It's God, God does the buckets! Water doesn't go back UP into the sky, Big Kid. Have you ever seen water go back UP into the sky? Water comes down. It's God's buckets makes the rain go down." little kid insisted in a very Rush Limbaugh-like fashion.
"Yeah, you can't see evaporation. It's not like rain drops, it is like particles of water. Teensy tiny." Big Kid clarified.
"WRONG! You's wrong, brudder. You's know nothin', you so wrong. Mom! Moooooooom! Mo-om! Tell Big Kid that rain is God pourin' buckets of water out on us and waters don't go up into a sky!"
"Well, actually Big Kid is right. And he explained it really well. Better than I could have." little kid looked irritated.
"How does he knows that? Why don't I know that?" little kid asked.
"I've been studying science for, like, years. I'm in second grade, dude."
"Mudder, will I learn 'bout participations in kindygarden? What if they forgets to teach me? What if the teatsers teach everybody but me about the water going back up?"
I assured him that his teachers wouldn't forget to teach him.
But I doubt they'll teach it as succinctly as Big Kid could.
"No. No, that's not true at all. What happens is that sunshine absorbs the moisture on the earth and takes it back up into the sky where the drops all get together and make clouds, then when the clouds get too heavy it rains and the water goes back to the earth. It's like, evaporation and precipitation and stuff. A cycle." Big Kid explained.
I was impressed.
"No! Noooo! It's God, God does the buckets! Water doesn't go back UP into the sky, Big Kid. Have you ever seen water go back UP into the sky? Water comes down. It's God's buckets makes the rain go down." little kid insisted in a very Rush Limbaugh-like fashion.
"Yeah, you can't see evaporation. It's not like rain drops, it is like particles of water. Teensy tiny." Big Kid clarified.
"WRONG! You's wrong, brudder. You's know nothin', you so wrong. Mom! Moooooooom! Mo-om! Tell Big Kid that rain is God pourin' buckets of water out on us and waters don't go up into a sky!"
"Well, actually Big Kid is right. And he explained it really well. Better than I could have." little kid looked irritated.
"How does he knows that? Why don't I know that?" little kid asked.
"I've been studying science for, like, years. I'm in second grade, dude."
"Mudder, will I learn 'bout participations in kindygarden? What if they forgets to teach me? What if the teatsers teach everybody but me about the water going back up?"
I assured him that his teachers wouldn't forget to teach him.
But I doubt they'll teach it as succinctly as Big Kid could.
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
Heaven and...
"I can't wait to go to heaven because Heidi Louise is there!" said little kid from the backseat. I don't even know if he was old enough to really remember our old dog (he was 2) but he frequently mentions how he cannot wait to see her again in heaven.
"Yep," I answered. I don't really love this line of conversation, although the sentiment is sweet. It makes me too sad.
"In heaven I knowed that they had a birfday party for Dr. Seuss. Because he died but it was his birfday and he's in heaven now! I knowed they have birfdays in heaven because it's such a nice, fun place."
"Yes, I'm sure he is celebrated even in heaven."
"So when I get to heaven will I meet Ben Franklin?" asked Big Kid, a big Ben Franklin fan.
"Yes, I imagine so."
"What about Theodore Roosevelt?" He knows that Teddy Roosevelt was a total bad ass, that boy listens to me.
"Of course."
"What about Adam and Eve?" little kid asked. "Will I meet them in heaven?"
"Mmmm hmmm."
"I don't know, mom. Would they go to heaven? They broke the rule and messed everything up for everyone else," Big Kid pointed out. I was thinking that this was an interesting philosophical question when he added, "They might be in Haiti."
"Haiti?!"
"They's not in Haiti, brudder! They's in heaven!"
"Why would they be in Haiti, Big Kid?" I asked, wondering what Big Kid has heard about Haiti.
"I don't like using that other H-word and I thought Haiti was another word for it."
"Hades! You mean Hades from Greek mythology," I clarified, wondering how the hell he knew about Hades.
"Whew. I been feelin' really bad for people from Haiti. So, where are Adam and Eve?"
"They's in heaven, bro. God loves you even if you're bad," little kid answered.
I'm glad we cleared all of that up.
"Yep," I answered. I don't really love this line of conversation, although the sentiment is sweet. It makes me too sad.
"In heaven I knowed that they had a birfday party for Dr. Seuss. Because he died but it was his birfday and he's in heaven now! I knowed they have birfdays in heaven because it's such a nice, fun place."
"Yes, I'm sure he is celebrated even in heaven."
"So when I get to heaven will I meet Ben Franklin?" asked Big Kid, a big Ben Franklin fan.
"Yes, I imagine so."
"What about Theodore Roosevelt?" He knows that Teddy Roosevelt was a total bad ass, that boy listens to me.
"Of course."
"What about Adam and Eve?" little kid asked. "Will I meet them in heaven?"
"Mmmm hmmm."
"I don't know, mom. Would they go to heaven? They broke the rule and messed everything up for everyone else," Big Kid pointed out. I was thinking that this was an interesting philosophical question when he added, "They might be in Haiti."
"Haiti?!"
"They's not in Haiti, brudder! They's in heaven!"
"Why would they be in Haiti, Big Kid?" I asked, wondering what Big Kid has heard about Haiti.
"I don't like using that other H-word and I thought Haiti was another word for it."
"Hades! You mean Hades from Greek mythology," I clarified, wondering how the hell he knew about Hades.
"Whew. I been feelin' really bad for people from Haiti. So, where are Adam and Eve?"
"They's in heaven, bro. God loves you even if you're bad," little kid answered.
I'm glad we cleared all of that up.
Reading List
I've been back on a real reading kick lately, I love my nook. This is unfortunately expensive because e-books are a big, fat rip-off and the pricing ticks me off but I do love the portability, convenience and wide selection. I think I'm going to have to go back to real books with the occasional e-book because e-book publishers can't figure out that I would buy 5 $5 books a month but will only buy one $13 book a month. I also object to the way library licensing and e-book lending is handled.
Whatever though, this wasn't intended to be a rant about the publishing industry (but screw you, stupid publishing industry!). Here are my extremely summarized book reviews:
Room: I really liked this book--until I got to the third quarter of it. It's a short novel and I think that contributed to its pacing problems. It was a fantastic book, until it fell a little flat. Worth reading though.
Sarah's Key: I don't know why everyone liked this book so much. Great idea for a story, shoddy one-dimensional characters. It was good, I didn't regret reading it but I don't know why it was so celebrated.
Hotel on the Corner of Bitter and Sweet: This was enjoyable. I liked reading it, but could easily put it down. It was fine; very sweet.
Same Kind of Different as Me: I would have never read this book if I fully understood what it was going to be about. I dislike spiritual books, I dislike anything about cancer, I dislike emotional memoirs, I dislike anything that leaves me open to feeling emotionally manipulated. But this book really moved me; I thought this was a phenomenal book...and then I got to the end and figured out it had all been a true story? (This isn't a secret, just something I hadn't noticed.) Totally profound, well-written, thought-provoking, touching and full of wisdom. I am so glad I read this book.
Tiger, Tiger: A Memoir: This is a memoir about a girl who had a 15 year relationship with a pedophile, starting when she was 8. It is incredibly disturbing, especially since it's true, but she is a fantastic writer with a unique perspective. Totally bizarre life and again, disturbing (obviously!) but she has an amazing way with words. I hope she goes on to write fiction, she is brilliantly talented.
American Psycho: This is the worst book ever. In the history of writing. There is not one good thing about this book: it is not well-written, it is not clever, it is not interesting or fun to read, its gratuitous violence isn't entertaining in any way--if you like gory crime books, you probably still won't like this book because it was stupid and it sucked. It was annoying, it lacked a plot and it was a total waste of time. I HATED this book. I can't emphasize that enough. Don't even bother picking it up to see why I hated it. (You're welcome.)
Right now I'm reading The Alchemist and I really like it; it's very inspirational and motivating. Next, I think I'll probably read Nefertiti because I'm in the mood for some historical fiction and I like Egyptians (and I'll probably buy it full price from Barnes and Noble like a sucker.)
Have you read anything good lately?
Whatever though, this wasn't intended to be a rant about the publishing industry (but screw you, stupid publishing industry!). Here are my extremely summarized book reviews:
Room: I really liked this book--until I got to the third quarter of it. It's a short novel and I think that contributed to its pacing problems. It was a fantastic book, until it fell a little flat. Worth reading though.
Same Kind of Different as Me: I would have never read this book if I fully understood what it was going to be about. I dislike spiritual books, I dislike anything about cancer, I dislike emotional memoirs, I dislike anything that leaves me open to feeling emotionally manipulated. But this book really moved me; I thought this was a phenomenal book...and then I got to the end and figured out it had all been a true story? (This isn't a secret, just something I hadn't noticed.) Totally profound, well-written, thought-provoking, touching and full of wisdom. I am so glad I read this book.
Tiger, Tiger: A Memoir: This is a memoir about a girl who had a 15 year relationship with a pedophile, starting when she was 8. It is incredibly disturbing, especially since it's true, but she is a fantastic writer with a unique perspective. Totally bizarre life and again, disturbing (obviously!) but she has an amazing way with words. I hope she goes on to write fiction, she is brilliantly talented.
American Psycho: This is the worst book ever. In the history of writing. There is not one good thing about this book: it is not well-written, it is not clever, it is not interesting or fun to read, its gratuitous violence isn't entertaining in any way--if you like gory crime books, you probably still won't like this book because it was stupid and it sucked. It was annoying, it lacked a plot and it was a total waste of time. I HATED this book. I can't emphasize that enough. Don't even bother picking it up to see why I hated it. (You're welcome.)
Right now I'm reading The Alchemist and I really like it; it's very inspirational and motivating. Next, I think I'll probably read Nefertiti because I'm in the mood for some historical fiction and I like Egyptians (and I'll probably buy it full price from Barnes and Noble like a sucker.)
Have you read anything good lately?
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