Thursday, January 6, 2011

The Alpha Neighbor

So I have this one neighbor. She lives about 4-5 houses down on the opposite side of the street from me. I see her every day, twice a day because she walks her two dogs in the morning and again at lunch when I'm taking little kid to school. She stands out because she walks her dogs without a leash and has long glossy black hair and she just sort of leisurely moseys around the neighborhood.

Soon after we moved in, I would hear my dogs going nuts twice a day. I would look outside to see what was causing the commotion and there she would be, encouraging her dogs to sit and lie down on the sidewalk in front of my house. Weird, I thought, but whatever. After this happened for a few days in a row, I would walk outside to get the mail when she did it and say hi. She would focus her attention on her dogs and mostly ignore me, while my dogs were barking. I soon figured out that she was using my dogs' stupidity to train her dogs. Good on you for having all day long to mess with your dogs, lady, now go play Cesar Millan in someone else's yard. I get it, you win Good Dog Owner award, my dogs will never comprehend property lines and your dogs are clearly superior. Gotcha.

Well this morning as we were walking out the front door for school, I see her out there sashaying around the sidewalk with her dogs. I did the half head nod, knowing she would most likely ignore me because she is rude like that. I picked up Big Kid's backpack, not realizing it was caught on the edge of a glass side table and pulled the entire glass table over, watching it shatter everywhere. I glanced out the front door to see that she was watching, I looked at the mess again and realized I couldn't clean it up and get Big Kid to school on time so I told the kids to get in the car. I then saw her walking back up my driveway and she leaned down and placed a plastic bag next to my mailbox. Weird, I thought. Maybe it's the neighborhood newsletter or something.

As I back out of the driveway, I slow down to look and can tell that it's a Ziploc bag full of dog poop. Hating confrontation and not wanting to be late, I hesitated and then remembered the last neighborhood poop thrower and decided I couldn't let this get out of hand again. I hopped out of the car and grabbed the bag and yelled "DID YOU LEAVE THIS IN MY YARD?"

She stopped, about 4 houses down now, near her own home, and said, "Yes, I'm coming back for it later. On my way back."

WTF, lady? Why am I your personal poop receptacle? And you seriously looked at a disheveled mom who just pulled a glass table over and who you knew could see you and thought, "This is a good spot to leave this bag of crap."

She acted kind of bitchy about it too, like I was the bad neighbor for not understanding that she didn't want to carry her bag of poop. You know what, lady? No one wants to carry the bag of poop! That's the worst part of dog ownership! And no other neighbors think it's okay to drop your bag of poop off in someone else's yard for later pick-up.

I think she's trying to show her dominance over me and my dogs and I'm not sure how to proceed. Should I sniff her butt next time she walks past? Pee on her mailbox? Join my dogs in barking and growling at her and her dogs?

I don't know but I don't blame my dogs for not liking her.

30 comments:

Megan said...

You could go straight for the gold and just pee on her instead of the mailbox. Show her who's boss.

Anonymous said...

WTF is right. I would leave said bag of poop on her doorstep..on fire!

Sam said...

So what did you do with the bag of poo?

I would have hurled it in her direction and screeched off in my car. But I like to look crazy!

Ms. Attitude said...

WTF! If she didn't take it with her, I would politely carry it to her yard and leave it by her mailbox.

It's the wife said...

Wow! What a b-tch! I would let the dogs "accidentally" get outside to bark at her up close next time she is "training" her dogs in front of your house.

Good for you for confronting her about the bag of poop. Did she actually come back and pick it up later? At least she could have left in in the street (by the curb or something) not right next to your mailbox, as if it was a gift!

Jennifer said...

I don't even understand that. Not any way I look at it, can I understand leaving a bag of poop in someone else's yard for later pickup.

June said...

I would of tossed it out the window into her driveway as I drove by her house. Probably not a good example for the kids.

shelly said...

I'm with the others, and would have delivered it to her yard on the way to school, even if it was out of the way. You find some strange neighborhoods, Ashley! Or is FL just an alternate universe ;)? I'm so sorry about the table. When you're done cleaning that up, update us on the poop situation.

JulieStyles said...

I do NOT like her this woman who seems to be full of herself and thinks she is entitled to leave bags of dog crap on people's property. Oh no, I do like her, not one bit. Tell her, "no you not leaving your bag of dog crap on my property." Tomorrow you should be outside of your house, watering the lawn, flowers, washing the car or whatever when she walks past and stare at her while holding the hose...she'll get it.

Anonymous said...

So you let Your dogs bark at everything that walks past without correcting them, thus disrupting the entire neighborhood every time a dog/mailman/ups-man/meter-reader/poolman/dogwalker goes by, but you feel superior to a lady who has her dogs so well trained that they can walk past your obnoxious dogs without a peep? How self-righteously hypocritical of you. This lady no doubt picks up her poop-bags on the way back every time, otherwise you would notice lots of poop bags on your street, which since you didn't mention one can assume are diligently picked up. You should 1) get over yourself, 2) learn to make your Own dogs' lives better by getting them to relax and shut the heck up, and 3) be grateful your neighbors haven't gotten in Your clueless face. Actually, on 3), maybe if your neighbors Did get in your face it would motivate you to improve your Own stessed-out dogs' lives. The stress you express regarding taking your kid to school is obviously translating into the stressed-out behavior of your dogs. As Cesar Millan teaches, you can usually tell a lot about the humans by observing their dogs. Nervous intolerant human, nervous intolerant dogs. This is a textbook example.

Jennifer said...

That is not cool!!! You need one of the sprinklers that turn on with motion detectors. Like now, go get one!

Ashley said...

The stress I express taking my kid to school? You mean the stress of flipping a glass table over and having it shatter into 2 billion pieces moments before leaving? I get my kids to school just fine, thanks, never even a tardy. You sound a tad neurotic though, just so you know.

My dogs only bark at this lady's dogs because she commands hers to sit and lie down directly in front of their window. People walk by all day long without any problems, it's the other dogs being trained to consistently sit on "their" property that riles my dogs up. But hey, you're clearly the better person than I so feel free to come train them. Just don't leave bags of crap on my yard--pick them up and take them with you. But glad to see someone from the BHB made it over to my blog! ;-)

The poop was gone on the way back but there were plenty of places she could put it other than my driveway--especially since she was going to be walking past her own house in 45 seconds. She actually had to turn back to place the poop there. But I'm glad to know we're allowed to leave poop in each other's driveways now, since my dog (and its poop) is bigger than hers.

Jackie said...

I bet anonymous IS your bitchy neighbor :)

As a dog owner and poop picker-upper, I've been tempted SO MANY TIMES to leave the bag somewhere (more likely behind a tree than directly in someone's yard!!) and come back for it. But I don't, not out of pride but I'm terrifed someone will see me and/or I will forget!

So I specifically walk my dog an extra block so I can go by a store with a dumpster. I can usually prevent the dog from pooping until we're only about half a block from the dumpster. Problem (mostly) solved.

Your neighbor is a bitch. If I had done what she did and got called out on it, I would have been very embarrassed, made an awkward joke, said I hope you don't mind, and then brought over something later on as a "whoops!" peace offering.

Tara said...

I LOVE Anonymous' random capitalization! That's my favorite!

I had a lady in our old neighborhood that did that EXACT same thing ("training" her dogs). that lasted until my large American Bulldog jumped off our one story deck, jumped our backyard fence and chased her out of our yard. Good thing we had an electric fence (neighbor lady didn't know that). I'm pretty sure she pooped herself. At least she didn't leave it next to my mailbox.

Anonymous said...

Oh, Geez. The next time this passive-aggressive Her Poopness leaves a deposit, I would put on my most sweet expression (either face-to-face or in a note) and say, "Oh, I know you explained why you left this, but, you see, I dislike poop on my property/near my mailbox even more than you like to carry it around. So I just knew you didn't mean to leave it there for even a moment." In other words, now that she thinks she has given you a plausible explanation for her behavior, you need to one-up her in the sweetest, most matter of fact way.--Sue in MA (who just spent 2 weeks reading through your great blog!)

Preppy Pink Crocodile said...

WTF?! My jaw is dropped. Maybe tomorrow you should drop your kids or dogs off at her house and say you will just pick them up later. Who in their right mind would do that and then defend it?! I hate confrontation too but I am wierd about dog poop. If I am walking mine and see someone not pick up after their dog, I will literally chase them down the street yelling like a crazy person and demanding they pick it up. It's a damn wonder I've not yet been shot. But nothing grosses me out more than other dog's poop. If I lean down several times a day to pick up after my dog, you can too. If you see her do it again, I think you should ask that she not do that. It's actually illegal to not pick up after your dog. And leaving you a ziplock baggie certainly falls under that umbrella I believe.

Anonymous said...

Take your dogs and sit outside of her house. Hopefully they'll bark non-stop for a while. Either that, or just open the door and let your dogs at her dogs (they're friendly, right?) Maybe she'll get the picture.

You could leave a bag full of little kid's diapers by her mailbox, and say you were going to get them right before the trash truck comes around.

Dannielle said...

Dude.. what I don't understand is: Why do haters even read your blog?

Do they really believe that they're gonna make you think, "Well, shit! Maybe I should reexamine my dog ownership skills." because, obviously, dogs have enough to deal with- paying the bills, raising the kids, cleaning the house, etc..

PSA- Dogs bark, "stressed out" or not.

Ashley- thank you for making me laugh and being so cool :) Life has been a nasty bitch for me this past year, but reading your blog has given me a little something to look forward to each day or so. You rock!!!

Susanne said...

Ummm... What? How could anyone think leaving a poop bag on someone else's property is even remotely acceptable? I'd be livid. That's shitty of her... Pun intended. ;-)

I think Cesar Milan needs to come over and train this lady. Maybe her dogs are well-behaved, but the same cannot be said for their owner.

Anonymous said...

Leave a bag full of shit IN her mailbox! That will teach that glossy haired skank!

-Murphy

nova said...

Hahaha! Anonymous is totally your bitchface weirdo neighbor.

I honestly don't know what I would do in that situation...it's so weird. I guess I would probably do what everyone else said and leave it on her lawn...or passive aggressively put up one of those "don't leave dog shit on my property" signs.

Christine said...

OMG, the neighbor lady (and Anon above) are all crazy. Any dog would be upset at another one just hanging out randomly in their territory like this. Does she do this stuff to other people or is your house somehow special for her? And, is there a local law about having to have your dog on a leash? It might be nice to have a friendly cop "just happen" to give her a ticket.

sarah said...

I really can't believe that she backtracked JUST to leave poo in your yard instead of her own! Gross and p/a of her! And yes, anonymous: comment fail. Next time just sign it "crazy neighbor lady" and be done with it.

AnastasiaBeaverhousen said...

ok. before I can even get out that you should light the ziplock bag of poop on fire and toss it at dog walker's glossy hair, I need to deal with Anonyhole: If anyone is going to call into question Ashley's integrity as to being a bad neighbor, blogger or dog owner, its going to be me, ok? I worked damn hard to claim that title years ago, and did it under my own kre8tive screen name, unlike you ANONYMOUS! So move along and fuck off because we've been there, done that and at least we had the balls to come up with decent names!!!

and Ashley: do not allow her to show dominance over you or the dogs. piss on her doorstep and start flinging poo in her yard - its the American way.

Fin said...

Sounds like her sense of entitlement is a little too developed. I would seriously want to walk to her house and throw that bag on her driveway.. seriously hoping it splatted.

Jennifer said...

I think next time you should open the door and "accidentally" let your dogs out. Oops.

TheMama! said...

Um, no. Nobody should be leaving bags of poop in anyones yards, that is just wrong.

Colleen said...

I'd call whoever is in charge of citing azzholes who walk their dogs w/o a leash =)

Joy said...

just start walking your dogs and make sure they stop and take a dump in her front yard and if she says something about it be like "oh I was gonna get that later". glad we all agree she is the neighborhood bitch

haha I am sure you haven't but I have kinda missed the anonyholes and their stupid comments, they are kinda like a 2for1 I get the great post and then their sostupiditsfunny comment.

Jen said...

Take your dogs, and train them in front of Anonymous' house. She's reared her ugly head again.