Thursday, April 21, 2011

Perfect Ten

I've been married for exactly 10 years today.

I could tell you about the good parts. Or I could tell you about the bad parts. (There have been more good parts than bad parts.) Or I could tell you about our celebration.

We decided to take both children out with us tonight. We're celebrating alone with a 2-night Bahamas cruise on May 1st thanks to an awesome deal though Groupon, so we decided to treat the children to a night out at the Japanese Steakhouse we had gone to on the night Mr. Ashley proposed.

As soon as the Japanese chef appeared, one of our children started complaining about stomach problems. I offered to take this child to the bathroom, certain the problem would clear up quickly.

Soon I was standing in a bathroom stall, suffocating from the unholy stench, head leaned against a red lacquered tile wall, reminiscing about where I must have been exactly 10 years ago as said child grunted and moaned and groaned and chased several grown women out of the ladies' room. "What would 10-years-ago-today-Ashley have said if she had known that in exactly 10 years she'd be living an unglamorous life, stuck in a stinky bathroom stall, embarrassing herself by loudly asking if everything was coming out okay?"

"Are you almost done?" I asked, praying for a yes.

"I'm nowhere NEAR done."

I laughed inside. I stuck it out. I ignored the ladies that suddenly decided they no longer needed the ladies' room.

Then we got back to the table. Our food was cooked, the chef was cleaning up. "We'll be right back, we're going to the bathroom," Mr. Ashley said, holding the other child's hand. They stepped out into the hallway as we sat down at our ultra-low table. I looked over in time to see child #2 blowing chunks EVERYWHERE--the bus boy and Mr. Ashley staring in horror as vomit sprayed down the hallway.

I cleaned up what I could with my napkin as the other patrons pretended it never happened. I was left with no napkin. The bus boy tried to vacuum the puke up with one of those sweeper things. The sight of that made me gag.

Mr. Ashley appeared moments later with soaking wet pants, reeking of vomit, shoving his money clip at me and telling me to tip well.

I requested to-go boxes.

I packed up the most expensive to-go meal in the history of to-go meals.

We laughed. Because what can you do except for laugh?

That's what has kept us going for the last 10 years and what will keep us together for the next 10.

Puke, poop and laughter.


Seriously....Me. said...

I'm sorry...But I laughed until I cried. Been there and done that...kiddo with stomach issues at Japanese Restaurant...only he did not puke...thankfully...but the pooping was righteous.
Happy 10!
We'll be celebrating #13 this year about nine time zones apart.
Enjoy the take out!

The Lovely One said...

I love this! I have days like this, but I wouldn't have it any other way!

asnell said...

Weird - yesterday was my 10 year anniversary too! We too spent ours with our two boys. stomach issues :)

Congrats and keep laughing!

Wanna Be Iron Mommy said...

Nothing says Happy Anniversary like diarrhea and vomit.

Melanie said...

Contrats! What a true testament to a good marriage. Anything goes! I think it's great that you brought the boys along, and even greater that you got a full notification that things do not go as possible, all while keeping a "smile" on your face. We just celebrated our 8 year on Tuesday, and so far it is way better than year 7. 7 was not a fun year for our marriage so I'm glad it's over.
10 is a milestone to be proud of and you have your cruise coming up to really tear it up and glimpse the old-school Ashley for a full 48 hours!

Heidi said...

One of my most favorite posts, ever.

And I have been really loving the few before this too! Great blogging! Your kids are so badass!

Renee said...

Oh man. I laughed, I cried, I groaned, I sympathized. Congrats on 10 years!

-The Renee

Jennifer said...

Happy anniversary! I'm sorry the night didn't go as planned, but I'm glad you guys can laugh about it. Laughter makes it possible.

Lin said... crappy (haha) as your night turned out to be I'm glad you guys didnt let it ruin it.

Happy 10 years together!

Anonymous said...

Happy, happy anniversary. I guess the evening was a metaphor. Lots of crap and lots of laughter. 21 years of marriage in June but I've known my husband for 28 years. Kerry